Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 1019104)

Now on to my *real* GRIPES:

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GRIPE #1: I don't like the use of the word "bitch" to mean "gripe."

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 1019104)

GRIPE #2: I don't like the way people always tell kids, "Say, 'Thank you.' "

Adults bombarding kids with overbearing reminders to "Say thank you" has irked me ever since I became a parent and suddenly realized how kids are nearly constantly barraged by adults urging them to "Say thank you!" in social situations where the *adult* feels a "thank you" is warranted, such as when the kid gets a gift she or he hates.

I think the adults don't really give a **** whether the kids say thank you. I think they are just worried about their *own* skins and are afraid that *other* adults will think badly of them if their kids appear impolite and self-centered.

News flash: kids are often impolite and self-centered. ADULTS are often impolite and self-centered. Why pretend otherwise?

So early on I developed my philosophy on "thank you's" and kids, and I think this philosophy is, perhaps, one of the greatest on earth:

(1) I never want a child to feel pressured to lie, so don't try to get her to say something she doesn't feel;
(2) If my child says "thank you," I want it to be his choice - the "thank you" then also probably has a higher chance of being authentic.
(3) Kids learn best by example, so if you want your kid to say "thank you," then you should model that behavior by being thoughtful and saying "thank you" to others when you really feel thankful.

If you want your kid to grow up to be someone who says fake, meaningless "thank you's" and tells her or his own kid to say them, too, then by all means instruct them constantly to say "thank you." I'm sure you'll make the world a better place...NOT!

One of the parenting decisions I've made about which I feel most proud is that I've never told my child to say "thank you."

The result: when he does tell me, "Thank you, Mom," I know he really means it. Those moments are rare :D but they are genuine.

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 1019104)

GRIPE #2: I don't like the way people always tell kids, "Say, 'Thank you.' "

Adults bombarding kids with overbearing reminders to "Say thank you" has irked me ever since I became a parent and suddenly realized how kids are nearly constantly barraged by adults urging them to "Say thank you!" in social situations where the *adult* feels a "thank you" is warranted, such as when the kid gets a gift she or he hates.

I think the adults don't really give a **** whether the kids say thank you. I think they are just worried about their *own* skins and are afraid that *other* adults will think badly of them if their kids appear impolite and self-centered.

News flash: kids are often impolite and self-centered. ADULTS are often impolite and self-centered. Why pretend otherwise?

So early on I developed my philosophy on "thank you's" and kids, and I think this philosophy is, perhaps, one of the greatest on earth:

(1) I never want a child to feel pressured to lie, so don't try to get her to say something she doesn't feel;
(2) If my child says "thank you," I want it to be his choice - the "thank you" then also probably has a higher chance of being authentic.
(3) Kids learn best by example, so if you want your kid to say "thank you," then you should model that behavior by being thoughtful and saying "thank you" to others when you really feel thankful.

If you want your kid to grow up to be someone who says fake, meaningless "thank you's" and tells her or his own kid to say them, too, then by all means instruct them constantly to say "thank you." I'm sure you'll make the world a better place...NOT!

One of the parenting decisions I've made about which I feel most proud is that I've never told my child to say "thank you."

The result: when he does tell me, "Thank you, Mom," I know he really means it. Those moments are rare :D but they are genuine.

Originally Posted by Thom Yorke (Post 1019407)

I was walking down the street today with my Boston Bruins hat on (I live near Toronto), and I see a guy coming towards me with a Bruins hat on as well, which you hardly ever see. So I gave him a "Heyyyyy nice hat buddy!" and he just looks at me and goes "Pffft" and keeps walking. Who does that? Whatta punk.

Originally Posted by djchameleon (Post 1019132)

What are your approved uses for the word "bitch" then?

Originally Posted by djchameleon (Post 1019132)

The part that I bolded is just the way society is. Most people want to keep up appearances that they have almost perfect respectful children and that they are a great parent. They want to show the world that they know how to raise their kids with manners.
It even extends a bit further than that. In general , people like to keep up with the Joneses(sp?). Whatever their neighbor has, they need to get the same thing or even better especially if they live in a tight knit suburban area.

Originally Posted by MoonlitSunshine (Post 1019218)

See, we say please and thanks for pretty much everything over here, so there aren't that many situations in which it isn't called for...

Originally Posted by mojopinuk (Post 1019219)

Yeah I'd say that for the most part, most people here do too. I can understand the logic behind not forcing your kids to say things that aren't true and wanting them to do these things on their own. However I personally never had a problem with my parents telling me to say please and thank you. They just taught me good manners.

Originally Posted by Janszoon (Post 1019225)

To me it doesn't really matter if someone is really feeling the thank you or not. The bottom line is saying please and thank you is something that help people get along and make good impressions on others. I see that as a helpful thing to instill in one's children.

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA (Post 1019427)

See above comment to mojo. Please. :D

I agree that saying please and thank you helps people get along and not feel exploited. And I do sometimes encourage my child to think of others' feelings when I see him overlooking them.

I just tire of all these parents using demanding voices to tell kids to be polite. It feels hypocritical and unnecessary to me. Humans learn how to speak languages simply by listening and by example without needing to be taught carefully. Surely kids will figure out when to say please and thank you without hypervigilant parents breathing down their necks as if they were going to turn into social misfits without frequent reminders of obvious social conventions!

Originally Posted by Janszoon (Post 1019430)

I think there's a lot area in between those two poles. When I was growing up, whenever my mother would drop me off at someone's house, she'd remind me, "Remember to say 'please' and 'thank you'." I never felt like she was breathing down my neck or anything, but I think it was good thing that I was reminded to be polite when I was going to be a guest in some else's home.