GuitarBizarre

The Rant of Internet

There it is again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information Superhighway." The don't know JACK about the Net. It's NOTHING like a Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.

Yeah, but suppose the metaphor ran the OTHER direction. Suppose the HIGHWAYS were like the NET.

All right!

A highway HUNDREDS of lanes wide. most with potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whisltes. 500 member VIGILANTE POSSES with nuclear weapons. 237 ON RAMPS at every intersection. NO SIGNS. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the window at a passing truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws. Some lanes would VOTE to make use by a single-occupant vehicle a CAPITAL OFFENSE on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just SHOOT you without a trial for talking on your car phone.

AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims and a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it. Throwing DEAD WOMBATS and rotten cabbage at the other cars, most of which have been ASSEMBLED AT HOME from kits. Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a top speed of nine miles an hour. Others burn NITROGLYCERIN and IDLE at 120.

No license tags. World War II BOMBER NOSE ART instead. Terrifying paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES. Bumper-mounted MACHINE GUNS. Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your tailpipe. Flatbed trucks with ANTI-AIRCRAFT MISSILE BATTERIES to shoot down the Traffic Watch helicopter. A little kid on a tricycle with a squirtgun filled with HYDROCHLORIC ACID.

Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system.

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TheBig3

this is amazing.

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I've moved to a new address

KaneFails

Seconded. That's pretty much the internet right there.

anticipation

that guy doesn't know jack about the net.

Astronomer

I'm pretty sure the 'Fool' talking about the information superhighway was probably some crazy academic from years and years ago like Marshall McLuhan who was actually a genius, and ideas about media communications were well before his time.

However, now we've come to realise the internet isn't like a superhighway at all... this is pretty funny

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Surell

So basically, the Internet is Mad Max, just with more cars.

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The Unfan

I was hyped that this might've been a thread about David Bowie. I was let down.

GuitarBizarre

Good though he is, he is not nor does he deserve to be god.

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FireInCairo

oh i thought it was about david bowie too....

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O G MUDBONE: Only You can prevent forest fires.

The Unfan

This is true. There is no need to lower his status. Gods strive for bowiehood.