I always carry hand sanitizer, how dare you. :(

Then what's the problem? I should think a little hand fetish would be easy peasy.

This brings new meaning to when a singer yells out "Let me see those hands people!".

In a funny, digusting kind of way.

Oh wow. I don't mean to be a dick but unless you use extra long guitar necks over there, you have really small hands.

7 frets is quite a far distance

Of course it depends where your hand is on the guitar, but yeah, 7 frets is a pretty long stretch. I say, if you can stretch your hand from fret 1 to fret 7, you have giant hands.

Engine must have one of those extra small frets "shredder"-type guitar

He said "thumb to pinky" not forefinger to pinky.
Even if he meant the forefinger to pinky stretch, that's a good stretch but not "giant" - c'mon, you know better.
I'm talking normal guitar (not "shredder" guitars by which I assume you mean electric guitars with the negligible extra length needed for 24 instead of 22 frets) necks here, folks: Fret 1 to Fret 7.

Small hands, my'man, and you know this.

the first few 7 frets from the headstock

not the frets near the bridge

i lay my hand on them like a pedal steel player

If you mean fret #1 to fret #7 then that's exactly what I thought you meant - pretty small stretch.
Hey, it's okay to have small hands. What's the big deal?