The Spam Thread: Channel Your Need to Spam Here Only

[Key]

Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter. Toast and butter.

[Alfred]

In 1991 during the filming for ‘Point Break’ Reeves (Who’s role involved playing a rookie FBI agent ‘Johnny Utah’) was surfing with co-stars when a small child was dragged under the waves and began to struggle to stay above surface. As his co-stars rushed to help. Reeves held out an arm infront of them, stopping them, and was reported saying by Lori petty (Who plays Tyler Endicott). “The waves have claimed her, let her fight for her own life”. And proceeded to watch her struggle until her body disappeared beneath the waves, lifeless. He was later spotted outside the childs house, Making drowning gestures and thanking the family for their childs sacrifice to the great ocean.

[Franco Pepe Kalle]

global world jive

[Franco Pepe Kalle]

global world jive

PEPE KALLE chante Roger Milla

[Alfred]

In 2001 after being approached by Scientology recruiters, Keanu Reeves is reported to have said, "Why join a cult... when I can BE a cult?!" Allegedly he shoved the recruiters to the ground and ran away laughing maniacally. 5 months later his agent finally located him in a small African village near lake Victoria, leading an apocalyptic death cult. The UN report on the aftermath remains classified but rumors speak of mass graves, human sacrifice, and murals of Mr.Reeve's face made out of the bones of children. Beneath the village it is said that the cult of Ogamboo Metukalu (The One) had 2,000 slave laborers digging a secret underground temple complex where the cult intended to live after the Apocalypse. Mr.Reeve's agent says the Hollywood star has put that part of his life behind him and chalks it up to poor judgment brought on by a flu, but if that is the case, why does Keanu continue to make routine trips to Africa to this day? And why are cases of missing children around Lake Victoria more than 20 times higher than the average of the rest of Africa? Mr.Reeve's agent declined to comment.

[The Batlord]

^^^

WTF? Is this some new meme? Like Chuck Norris facts on acid?

[Alfred]

In 2002 Keanu Reeve’s sister was diagnosed with Leukemia, following the diagnosis Keanu cut all ties with his sister and refused to help her pay for treatments, she died later that year. Speaking on the incident on the Jay Leno show, he commented “It was hardly my problem”

[Plankton]

Be excellent to each other.

*air guitar riff*

[Alfred]

In October 2001, Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear “Your dad’s dead, bitch”, and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.

[The Batlord]

^^^

Those are absolutely brilliant. Where can they be found? Five seconds on Google have not availed me.