Quote:
Originally Posted by Frownland
I liked how you used paragraphs.
Lot of exposition there, I would recommend trying to show more than you tell. A lot of your details seem to be there just to fill space, it would be better if they conveyed something meaningful about the character and a lot of your descriptors are used in a boring and unnecessary way, especially when you describe a scheme as dastardly or an obvious antagonist as evil. I also think that your characters need to grow more. What's the point of the story? Sure, he escaped but I don't see how that affected him or why you're relaying it to me. |
See, now that's what I mean by a constructive critique. That I can use.
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