ohh i am the provider ;) :p:

When one of my friends heard that Russia had declared war on Georgia, they wanted to call one of their friends in Atlanta and make sure they were OK.

I think my mom, bless her heart, is the stupidest person I know. I'm going to hell for saying that, but it's true.

Mom: *sneezing 14 times*
Me: "You should sneeze through your nose or something, maybe whatever's in there will get blown out and stop irritating it?"
Mom: "No way!"
Me: "Why not?"
Mom: "Because you can die like that!"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "The pressure can make your brains explode out your ears and you need to stop trying to get me to sneeze through my nose so I'll die."

Or...

Mom: "I don't believe in doctors. I'm not going to one. If I go they're going to make me get surgery on my back and I'm going to be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life."
Me: "Mom, it's for a prescription."
Mom: "I don't believe in prescriptions."

Or..

Mom: "The only reason you didn't die in Iraq is because I prayed for you."
Me: "I was never in any real danger."
Mom: "You still would have died."

Or...

Me: "Mom, you should stop smoking. That cough is really getting bad. I don't want you to get cancer"
Mom: "I won't get cancer. I pray about it."
Me: "So there's never been a case of a Christian dying of cancer?"
Mom: "No. And if there is, they weren't Christian enough."


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKK

Oh my god, i'm laughing so much right now.

This one is good.

wtf???

Your mums a legend :laughing:

and you went to Iraq???

Oh my aching brain cells.

I feel stupid enough for this thread.

Yea, was in the Army for 6 years. When I told my folks I was getting deployed my mom freaked. I told her I do network administration and it's not like I'm out on the streets getting shot at, but she somehow still thought I was going to die.
I guess her logic was: Person + Iraq = you gonna die.

So in my office, we work with security clearances for the military. Part of that is assessing threats levels for foreign travel. We had an officer come in one day saying he was going on vacation to Europe and needed to complete the necessary paperwork. So my boss grabs the list that lists the threat levels of different countries throughout the world and this is the conversation that follows:

Boss: "Europe isn't on here"
Me: That's because Europe is a continent, not a country."
Boss: "Oh"
Me (to officer): "Sir, what countries will you be visiting?"
Officer: "UK"
Boss: "Oh no, Ukraine is high threat."

FML. I'm subordinate to these people.