And that's why I don't read the bible

....That's what she said....

That's Talmudic interpretation. Chances are that you friend's Orthodox or Conservative. I'm Reformed/Reconstructionist.

No. You're both Abrahamic religions because you take basis in the same texts however you divert, Jews have a few added books that divert their interpretations of what Christians would term the Old Testament, Christians have the New Testament which essentially supercedes the Old Testament changing key phrases such as "eye for an eye" into "turn the other cheek", "don't eat pork" into "eat whatever, God made it all so that's cool". The God that told the Israelites to butcher, murder and rape their enemies (and then left it at that) is not the same God that changed his mind and said "it's ok, we like you regardless of your background, as long as you believe".

I could argue a sociological cause behind this divergence however I doubt you're bothered to hear it.

I know plenty of atheists that have church weddings? Is that hypocritical? Well yes, but still it remains cultural. Also, it shouldn't be forgotten that there is both the religious and the "racial" Jew (for all such a label is worth ancestrally).

What are the different kinds of Jewishness and what are the differences? If that sounds douchebaggish sorry I'm curious.

Judaism. Not at all.
Orthodox: Pretty obvious, literally interprets the Torah, wears funny hats and suits all the time...
Conservative: Same as Orthodox, but less extreme.
Reform: Basically just a moderate form of Judaism, with 100% room for interpretation.
Reconstructionist: Hardly Jewish at all. Formed by Mordechai Kaplan in the early 20th century, one of the central ideas is that God didn't choose the Jews, there's a joke that says reconctructionist's don't pray to God, they pray to 'whomever it may concern'. You know the story with Abraham etc. Kaplan was of the opinion that Judaism is an evolving religous organization, and needed to throw out most old ideas. A common practice in Reconstructionist synagogues is to vote on which traditions to keep.
So I wrote than in like 5 minutes so it's not exactly complete. But it gets across the basic ideas.

Kashruut ain't in the Torah.

Hmmm? Stuff that I refer to as Jewish God mostly takes relevance to the Old Testament. I won't even begin to claim to know the ins and outs of the Torah though to be frank differences just go to reaffirm the assertion that they're not the same God.

Kashruut is dietary laws. You probably know it as keeping Kosher or whatever.