Same.

I ponder it every year around my birthday.

My life is incredible; there is so much beauty in it.

But I'm so uncomfortable.

There's so much I hate about life in the 21st century. So few things of this modern age catch my attention, or make me feel at ease. Shit, I even hate newer cars from the past 30 years. Nothing attractive, nothing special. Even architecture bores me to death because everything is so plain; everything is homogenized to the point where nothing is elegant or interesting at all.

I hate people; the stupid way they act, the way they speak, their ignorance, their self-indulgence. I hate the way everyone dies eventually but they still act like their life is somehow important; they act as if they're so goddamn special that everything they do today will matter someday. People are so up their own asses, it's ridiculous. I just can't do it sometimes.

My life is beautiful; life itself is what's ugly.

I relate too much to this post. I wasn't born for this world. I'm out of place here. I don't belong here, literally nothing that has happened for the people who are happy here and now has any importance to me. I don't. ****ing care. About. The latest. ****in iPhone app. Nor do I care about anything else on this planet. It can all burn. Should it do so, I'll have marshemellows, graham crackers, and vegan-friendly chocolate at the ready. Everything can ****ing die, IDgAF.

Same.

I don't care for the world most people live in. I don't care that their goddamn car can call their friends while they're driving; I don't care what famous people are doing; I don't care that anyone's going on vacations or living lavishly or trying to get back to their roots by eating frozen vegetables or whatever the hell people are doing. I don't give a damn about any of it. There's too much bull**** everywhere; too much of everything all the time. People are way too connected, too distracted, too ****ed up beyond our wildest dreams - I don't think any of us would have imagined people would be so ****ed up right now.

There are so few people I can relate to, even to the smallest extent. They're all wrapped up in a world of their own, though essentially the majority seems to live in the same world that I have always felt outside of. I am beside myself; I am beside much of the world. I'm 25 going on 70 and I don't know how to feel about that at all.

I don't like that people treat me differently because of how I look, that people just ... gaze at my hair or any other one of my features; to me it's all normal, like, damn, all the girls grew their hair like mine in a time I feel more closely connected to.... all the girls collected records, used the word 'groovy' on a daily basis, and so on and so forth (I can't think straight but every aspect of my personality is somehow alien to most people).

I'm so ****ing uncomfortable all the time because this world has nothing to offer me anymore. My heart is well taken care of; I remain deeply in love, but that is really one of the only virtues of my life. My job is incredible; I work hard every day for ... well, .... when it all boils down to it, we're all working for some ideal life that we're chasing in vain because death will put a stop to it all eventually. Why do we even bother; everyone wants to be rich or be known, to be someone.

I just want to transport myself to my past life.

Or to figure out a way to be somehow closer to my "natural habitat" ... whatever that means, I'll know it when I've created it or seen it somehow.