James

Stu-A Path To Consequence
Storymilo-Lobsters
djchameleon-The InBetweeners
Conan-Lyrics
UnchainedBallad-Dracula's Division
Exoskeletal-The Comatorium
Jack Pat-A Journey Of Our Life
Tumor-Bill
Skalijurah-The Day I Was Insane
The Phantasio-The Accidental
Bulldog-The Case Of People Who Have Too Much Time On Their Hands


iirc

The Fascinating Turnip

Right, I suppose some feedback should start flooding through. Here goes some:

I quite liked The Accidental, even if it did remind me of some sort of horrible attempt at making something mordant and cutting edge in the beginning. I'm glad that feeling faded away, it ended up being rather good. I enjoyed how it started to rely a bit more on humour. Perhaps it was even poking fun at the kind of play I mentioned before.

The Case Of People Who Have Too Much Time On Their Hands was also rather great. Interesting concept and a nice touch of humour.

The Comatorium bothered me a bit because although it was well written everything seemed a bit obvious and the title made it even more so. I felt it was sort of a waste of decent writing, I believe.

...More to come.

ThePhanastasio

Thank you! Yay!

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djchameleon

I just couldn't vote for The Accidental and it had nothing to do with the length/way it was formatted. I would love to see the play but having to read the script for the play isn't the same. I feel like it lost a bit of its edge that way. I was also a bit confused as to what the plot was supposed to be. I don't know if you wanted it to be opened to interpretation or what but it confused me. I also felt a bit frustrated by some of the dialogue that was being exchanged between the characters I'm not sure if that was in your intent or not to frustrate the reader but mission accomplished.

A Path To Consequence
The Comatorium
The Day I Was Insane

Out of those three I had a very hard time deciding which I was going to vote on.
A Path To Consequence drew me in with the heavy use of language/words but it did feel after awhile like the person just flipped through their thesaurus and looked for as many different variants as they could find. Remember this old adage: Keep It Simple Stupid. Sometimes the use of complex wording isn't always necessary to get your point across. You also have to keep in mind the audience that you are writing for.

The Comatorium I really enjoyed reading this. I will re-read it again so I can give you some constructive criticism.

The Day I Was Insane
The reason I voted for this one on top of really enjoying what I read. I liked the way how it was structured into four parts to show the progression between the events that was happening. I think what really swayed my vote is that I like stories about mental asylums/crazy people. One of my favorite movies is The Jacket. A clockwork Orange and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is among my favorites as well Another reason it was tough between voting for this one and Comatorium.

I knew after I submitted my story that I should have edited my paragraphs a bit more so it was easier on the eyes to read. Also, the reason I put the main details of the plot smack dab in the beginning is because I wanted to try something new by doing it that way instead of stringing the readers along with the heaviness of the plot and trying to figure out the mystery. I wanted to focus more on the action and what was going on with the character itself.

I will leave more comments on the others a little later.

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Sneer

I didnt use a thesauraus once, I'm just a word geek... which is in no way a boast, on the contrary it's often a flaw in my writing. I didnt have an audience in mind when I wrote it, which was about two weeks before the inception of this thread. I just wanted to have fun with it which, with me, involves going to town on the vocab.

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Paedantic Basterd

Haha, I'm surprised, I thought I had UB pegged as writing The Case of Etc.

Exo

I totally agree with and appreciate that. I originally wanted it to be a much longer story with the details of how he got there cloudy so the reader was on the same level as the protagonist as far as not knowing what was going on. Since I had to convert to a shorter story, I had to be a little more brief. I wanted to change the title but I felt that The Comatorium was too cool of a title to pass up even though it basically tells the reader what kind of place the protagonist is in right away.

Appreciate the comment.

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James

Gonna do a new competition at some point during the week. As this was so successful.

ThePhanastasio

I know this is old and shiz. BUT, I legitimately want to know something: If I were to submit "The Accidental..." to a program showcasing new works in my area, do you think that it could be successful?

I've workshopped it, and gotten nothing but strong reviews.

I have, however, never had the opportunity to legitimately work this piece through a program. I've no real interest in making money off of it at this point; only in getting reviews.

Would it be something that you would definitely give a nod of approval for your original works series? Or does it need some work?

Any input would be so valued that it's ridiculous.

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ThePhanastasio

To readers of The Accidental...:

Was the story about the faceless dog the part which stood out the most for you? I'm asking legitimately, because two more people who saw my play brought it up, and both of them immediately mentioned the dog...then one of them went on to mention, "A knight moves in an L-shape...like this. Like so."

But yes. The dog? Most lasting image?

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