Conan's Boring Blog (Don't Read)

djchameleon · 06-03-2011, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

The pacific is pretty nice, and there are some gorgeous parts of the Atlantic. But I can understand, the Caribbean would pretty much ruin every other beach in existence.

hmm I should take that back...I'd probably check out the Hawaii beaches because they might be similar to the Caribbeans.

Technically St. Thomas is a U.S. territory so I do use US beaches but you get what I mean.

Which ones are you talking about when you say along the pacific and parts of the Atlantic?

I went to Long Beach but I wouldn't go into the water because of being spoiled.

Laces Out Dan! · 06-03-2011, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

Picture the scenario. It's Wednesday night. I'm bored, eating a microwaveable pot pie for no reason. I'm not even hungry. My spell check doesn't work anymore. This makes me very angry. I just burnt my tongue on a really hot carrot, why the heck was that carrot's heat disproportional to the rest of the pie? Why do they call it a pie anyway? They're lying. Pies have jelly or something in them, not chicken. I feel the same way about pizza. It's a pizza, not a "pizza pie". That's just unnessicary. Why would you prefer to say "pizza pie"? That's longer and more drawn out than just saying "pizza". We all know what a pizza is. Nobody associates pizza with pie. Why are you doing this?

That reminds me of something else. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY pronounces Tomato "Tommotto". I refuse to believe there are people like that in the world. They use that phrase, "Tomato, Tomotto" when they are trying to express that there are two equally as good ways of doing or saying something. They're full of it. "Tomotto" is clearly an inferior way of saying Tomato. If I met someone who said "Tomotto", my first reaction wouldn't be "It's okay that you say it like that. We're all equals." I would punch them in the face and kick them on the ground until they pronounced it correctly. Then I'd force them to eat a tomato.

Of course, I could be looking at this all wrong. A "Tomotto" could be an entirely different fruit that just happens to look and taste exactly like a Tomato. You know that whole "Is a Tomato a fruit or vegetable" debate? Maybe this is where the confusion comes from. Maybe a Tomato is a fruit and a "Tomotto" is a vegetable.

A tomato

A tomotto

Just finished that pot pie. Not to dwell on the subject of pies, but this has been bothering me lately. Why can't I find any of those pies that people throw in each other's faces on old movies and cartoons and stuff? It's always "Lemon filled apple twist" this and "raspberry cherry delight" that. Why can't I find a normal pie? Just whipped cream in a pan. That's all I want. Remember Slime Time Live on Nickelodeon? I want some of those. Because you can't just throw any old pie in someone's face.

Imagine throwing a freshly baked apple pie at someone. That'd be horrible. If they weren't burned, they'd be stained with syrupy gunk. It just wouldn't be funny. I'm paranoid that one day I'll befriend some foreigner who learns about our culture through Charlie Chaplin and 3 Stooges movies, and tries to throw a hot apple pie in my face as a joke. I'd be horribly disfigured. I wouldn't really mind being horribly disfigured, but I'd at least like to have a cool story to go with it. Not "this happened in a pie accident."

Speaking of dessert, what's up with cake being the only "acceptable" wedding dessert? I don't really like cake. I want a wedding pie. Or maybe wedding pudding.

Evidence

Why do they say "the proof is in the pudding"? When, in criminal investigative history, has evidence ever been concealed by dessert? I've never seen an episode of Matlock where he reaches into a big bowl of tapioca and pulls out a bloody handkerchief. Murder is a terrible thing. But I wouldn't mind being murdered if my death involved pudding. That's a really unique way to die.

Do you ever want to fill the top rim of a sombrero with chips and salsa and put it on a little person? I'd pay them ten dollars an hour just to walk around my house. That way whenever guests want a snack, they can just wait for the little fellow to pass by.

You're a weird fuckin kid with too much time.

Bloozcrooz · 06-03-2011, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laces Out Dan!

You're a weird fuckin kid with too much time.

lol

Burning Down · 06-03-2011, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laces Out Dan!

You're a weird fuckin kid with too much time.

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-10-2011, 08:44 PM

Saw a film today. Couldn't help but notice every trailer had an Inception-like BWWWOOOOM in it. I'm pretty sure I even heard one in that talking animal flick with Kevin James. When you start doing movies with talking animals, that pretty much signals the end of your career. Saw another trailer where Jim Carrey is a not-so-great father who gets hit in the groin with a soccer ball, but then lives with a flock of penguins and it turns his life around and his kids love him again. When a great actor sinks to doing object-hits-groin jokes, it's pretty obvious how they'll spend the rest of their career. We saw it happen to Eddie Murphy, not that he was ever that versatile an actor to begin with. He's really good at operating fat-suits though. How many movies trailers have you seen that show a collage of different fat people with the narrator playfully extolling:

"Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, in.."

I bought a sandwich today. My exact total was $6.66. It tasted like death.

This is the opposite of a Jesus.

I've had the pleasure of never celebrating Easter. I don't really understand why people do it. Well, sure I understand why people celebrate it, because they want to have fun or what have you. But I mean why are they even bothering with the whole Jesus aspect of it? Which Christian leader from back in the day thought this one up?

"Alright, so I got a new holiday yeah? Kids are going to love this one."
"Alright fire it at me."
"Okay so basically, there's this big rabbit yeah? Like the biggest rabbit you've ever seen."
"Right."
"And he lays these eggs-"
"-wait, I'm sorry. I'm not following.."
"Oh just let me finish."
"Right go ahead, then."
"Right so he lays these eggs. Coloured eggs. And they're also made of chocolate. And people go and hide these eggs all around and kids try to find them. And when they do, they win a little prize yeah? What do you think?"
"Hmmm... I mean eggs are good. But what about, you know.. Jesus?"
"Oh that chap. Right, I forgot that's why we're here isn't it? Um, we'll say it's his birthday or something."
"Did that already for Fat-Beard-Man Gift Giving Day."
"Oh yeah, right. We need to go ahead come up with a better name for that one."

If you incubated an easter egg, would a Jesus hatch from it?

**Janszoon** · 06-10-2011, 11:06 PM

I think the rabbit and egg parts came before the Jesus part.

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-10-2011, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

I think the rabbit and egg parts came before the Jesus part.

For humor's sake, let's pretend you're wrong.

**Janszoon** · 06-10-2011, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conan

For humor's sake, let's pretend you're wrong.

For humor's sake, let's pretend Jesus appeared to everyone in a bunny suit after he was resurrected.

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-10-2011, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

For humor's sake, let's pretend Jesus appeared to everyone in a bunny suit after he was resurrected.

At least that would explain Easter.

CanwllCorfe · 06-10-2011, 11:32 PM

06-10-2011, 08:44 PM	#45 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	Harpo Saw a film today. Couldn't help but notice every trailer had an Inception-like BWWWOOOOM in it. I'm pretty sure I even heard one in that talking animal flick with Kevin James. When you start doing movies with talking animals, that pretty much signals the end of your career. Saw another trailer where Jim Carrey is a not-so-great father who gets hit in the groin with a soccer ball, but then lives with a flock of penguins and it turns his life around and his kids love him again. When a great actor sinks to doing object-hits-groin jokes, it's pretty obvious how they'll spend the rest of their career. We saw it happen to Eddie Murphy, not that he was ever that versatile an actor to begin with. He's really good at operating fat-suits though. How many movies trailers have you seen that show a collage of different fat people with the narrator playfully extolling: "Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, in.." I bought a sandwich today. My exact total was $6.66. It tasted like death. This is the opposite of a Jesus. I've had the pleasure of never celebrating Easter. I don't really understand why people do it. Well, sure I understand why people celebrate it, because they want to have fun or what have you. But I mean why are they even bothering with the whole Jesus aspect of it? Which Christian leader from back in the day thought this one up? "Alright, so I got a new holiday yeah? Kids are going to love this one." "Alright fire it at me." "Okay so basically, there's this big rabbit yeah? Like the biggest rabbit you've ever seen." "Right." "And he lays these eggs-" "-wait, I'm sorry. I'm not following.." "Oh just let me finish." "Right go ahead, then." "Right so he lays these eggs. Coloured eggs. And they're also made of chocolate. And people go and hide these eggs all around and kids try to find them. And when they do, they win a little prize yeah? What do you think?" "Hmmm... I mean eggs are good. But what about, you know.. Jesus?" "Oh that chap. Right, I forgot that's why we're here isn't it? Um, we'll say it's his birthday or something." "Did that already for Fat-Beard-Man Gift Giving Day." "Oh yeah, right. We need to go ahead come up with a better name for that one." If you incubated an easter egg, would a Jesus hatch from it?

06-10-2011, 11:06 PM	#46 (permalink)
Janszoon Mate, Spawn & Die Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Rapping Community Posts: 24,593	I think the rabbit and egg parts came before the Jesus part. __________________ A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man Time & Place 25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die last.fm

06-10-2011, 11:32 PM	#50 (permalink)
CanwllCorfe Quiet Man in the Corner Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pocono Mountains Posts: 2,480	__________________ Your eyes were never yet let in to see the majesty and riches of the mind, but dwell in darkness; for your God is blind.