Polyamory
 

If you are unfamiliar with the term, it can be defined as "the act of being intimately or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time". This idea has been pinballing around in my head and I can't seem to get rid of it. I began reading up on it a little bit more and discovered many people live this lifestyle. In fact, so much that even communities have emerged.

It intrigues me - the idea that one soul mate (The One) does not exist. I feel it can be linked to the idea that there is no soul, but I for one, have always believed in such a thing. My interest in polyamory, however, seems to challenge the idea that there is a soul, I think. Or does it? I'm not sure.

Most people would consider this cheating. I can understand that, but what if all parties involved know? I read about couples who are each others' "anchor partners," meaning they are essentially the "main one". Is this term just a security blanket for those who can't seem to stay/be loyal to one person? Does it even make sense to be with one person? Does continuing to have sex with one person (and one person only) defy the natural laws of sex/reproduction/evolution/genetic variability?

My apologies if no one is interested and if my thoughts are very disorganized. I just had to quickly put something down to simmer down the distraction so I can get back to work. Hopefully, we can get a good discussion rolling here.

P.S.
For those of you who know me, I know I haven't posted in awhile and am very aware of how shitty it is my first post in a long time isn't about music. My apologies.

I've always thought that if everyone involved is consenting and understanding, then all power to them. I don't think I would be a willing participant in such a relationship, for lots of personal reasons.

I don't at all think it challenges the prospect of a soul. I also don't believe that soulmates and souls are concepts that must go hand in hand. To me the "soulmate" is more about fate than about the soul.

Firstly, I don't believe in "the one". I believe there can be one person who can be fulfilling enough that you don't need anyone else, but the idea that there is just one person out there for you is ridiculous. Monogamy is a human-made concept that simply benefited us once agriculture made its first big strides.

However, I don't think that realizing this will lead us to a more polyamorous lifestyle. In fact, with the fast pace lifestyle that is so common these days, monogamy will only be reinforced. Most people simply don't have the time or means for more than one relationship.

Thanks for the response, guys.

Another thing I think we should think about is how long humans live. To have one soulmate is a bit ridiculous, isn't it? This realization scares me. I don't think polyamorous won't work for me because I simply won't have time, but because I can feel that emotional and mentally I'm not ready to come to terms with something that has been ingrained in me for so long.

I realize that simply realizing this is a step to change the monotonous lifestyle I've led; however, what of morals and ethics? Sure, they were man-made, too. Isn't that what ultimately drives the monogamous relationship? I don't know if I can believe anyone that says they've never thought about being with another while seriously or casually involved with someone else. You can call it unfair. I call it realistic.

Thanks for the insight.

lol I hate the idea of soulmates so much. Not so much because I don't believe that we have "souls", but more that it seems so ridiculous and nonsensical. I believe that we have several "soulmates" as it is, it's more that we have needs for certain traits and they fulfill those needs.

The idea of a soulmate perpetuates some really bad standards people have for relationships, like "If we were meant to be, we wouldn't fight so much".
uhhh

Anyway not to go on a tangent. I see how the idea of polyamory is enticing, especially if your needs aren't being met and you can get half your needs met by one person, and the other half by another. To me this just says that you need to find a better boyfriend/girlfriend who can meet those. I could never be polyamorous because giving my love/trust to more than one person seems ridiculous. I enjoy my monogamous lifestyle because it feels as though I have a partner, who balances me out. It would feel wrong to have another person in the mix, because of the bond the two of us have formed, and how we've grown with one another and into one another.

Yeah, sure, why not. If I had a genuine partner and then a sex buddy that she knew about and was happy with, I doubt it would bother me. She'd be welcome to as well. Two full relationships at once though? Probably not.

I'm quite sure there are animals outside of humans that are monogamous. The ones I KNOW of are Black Vultures and Beavers. I know it's more common with birds, but I'm not certain as to why.

I think polyamorous relationships could be just as successful as monogamous ones. It depends on the person and what they think is best for them. That's... pretty much all I have to say.

Seems like most relationships based on Polyamoral would be sexually driven. That leads me to believe it would side more towards the male population. I think it would take a strong minded individual to allow their life to be lead into this type of relationship.

All of the polyamoral ladies Holla!! :finger:

Oh, I would definitely imagine so. And yeah, I'd say strong-minded is definitely a good word. I wouldn't doubt that I'd be able to be in a polyamorous relationship, but it's definitely not for me.

My understanding isn't necessarily that it involves having sex buddies on the side (which is an open relationship), and is more about 3+ people being involved together. I knew a couple who gave it a shot and they were both equally involved with the third person they brought into their relationship.

Personally, I don't want to have romantic/emotional/financial responsibility to more than one person at a time, which is the most logical argument against it that I can think.

Sounds like it would be a bit odd to me also. I guess on the bright side you would always have a mediator in the relationship. I can't imagine how draining that would be on the psyche to deal with somebody elses **** besides your old lady.

I guess we'll have to wait on 333 for an update on the merits of polyamoral relationships.

And on top of that, I imagine being impossible to completely eradicate jealousy. Even if it comes down to small things, like an imbalance in favours, gifts, dates, time spent together, etc.

I looked into it, which I should have before, and it's really an unusual concept. Being in love with multiple people enough to be in a relationships with all of them at one time seems so... bizarre. So far I've only really genuinely liked one girl, and I don't think I do anymore. Whatever works for you I guess?

I dislike so many people that it seems impossible that I would be enamoured by more than one at a time. :laughing:

I know! Same here.

I think more than anything polyamory, versus an open relationship, enlarges the context of love based relationship. I don't think polyamory is for every relationship, even if both parties involved subscribe to the polyamorous ideology, but we have a tendency to approach relationships almost contractually, as if to say, Here are my expectations of you: you will provide for my emotional needs and have me as your exclusive sex partner. You will love me as I love you and any depth of emotion that you feel for another individual shall not meet or exceed that which you feel for me, and you will give me a majority share of your time and attention, as I will do the same for you. through these agreements our relationship will be defined and the breech of any of the aforementioned terms will nullify the contract.

Throughout the entire course of human history, only two types of formalized sexual relationship have come about naturally: monogamy & polygamy. Seeing that this spans the all continents, all types of society structures (gatherer & hunter, kingdoms, republics, etc.), and all ethnic groups, it would be foolish to discount it out of hand.

Yeah, there are polyamorous communities. There are also communities devoted to celibacy. Both types of communities are largely founded on ideas, and have not come about by themselves.

I imagine there's good, evolutionary, reasons for this patriarchal tilt. Among other items, it has been established that women (at what I'll euphemistically call the peak of her cycle) prefer men with traits that tend to characterize high levels of testosterone; a deep voice, developed muscles, etc. That they prefer them to the exclusion of other traits (notably intelligence) when they're most fertile is important. So perhaps men who let their girls see other guys are percieved as effeminate.

I can understand polyamory from a sexual standpoint, but I wouldn't be able to relate to it in any way from a romantic standpoint, especially if it means everyone being involved together like some here have mentioned. Part of the whole appeal of being intimate with someone for me is that it's a connection with a single person. Maybe some have the emotional capacity (if that's the right word) for it, but I definitely don't.

I can understand it. The same way that all of our friends are unique, provide us with unique personalities, and bring out differing aspects in us. We don't limit ourselves to a single friend, nor do we deny the possibility that we can be very good friends with more than one person. I can see this translating easily to romance; what's to say only one person can contain all of the qualities that attract you? What's to say only one person has an emotional relationship to offer you?

I think everyone here has probably had more than one previous companion. What if you'd just happened to meet two of those at the same time, rather than at separate moments in your life?

Being in a relationship is way different than a simple friendship though, and is much more emotionally taxing. It's not that only one person can contain all of the qualities that attract you, but more the commitment of limiting yourself to one person that builds the relationship. Again, I can definitely understand it from a purely physical standpoint, but when you bring intimacy and romance into the picture in more than one serious relationship, or in some big group romance thing, it's just bizarre to me. And paying for dates would be a bitch.

I never said it was logical in practice.

Seriously considering the possibility, I think I would be more willing to engage in a polyamorous relationship with two men than a man and a woman. It's not entirely about preference either; I think I would be much more envious of another woman in a relationship.

Yup I'd much rather be in a polyamorous relationship with two ladies. Having another dude in there would make things kinda awkward for me. Also, you guys should read Stranger in a Strange Land.

I think the fact that most people find it so bizarre to be able to share themselves emotionally with more than one person has to do with how they were developed and raised to think of romantic relationships monogamously.

If a person was raised in a family where their parents were successfully in a relationship of say a husband and two wives, they would definitely be more open to the idea that it could work by using their parents as an example.

I noticed that sex has been brought into the discussion quite a bit and though I think most people who choose a polyamorous lifestyle typically engage in sex with multiple partners, a polyamorous relationship does not mean you do have sex with multiple partners. The definition seems to be more focused on the idea of being in love with multiple people. I believe this is possible and feel that in past, when I claimed that monogamy was the only lifestyle for me, I was incorporating some form of exclusivity with love.

So, what of the nature and science of what a polyamorous and monogamous lifestyle yields, sexually? When we look at other organisms, we can observe that, for the most part, they have multiple sex partners. This, I believe, ties into sub-categories of natural selection such as sexual selection (intersexual). If we eliminated the idea that we should only reproduce with one partner, how would this affect us as a species?