Polyamory

333 · 09-19-2011, 03:48 PM

If you are unfamiliar with the term, it can be defined as "the act of being intimately or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time". This idea has been pinballing around in my head and I can't seem to get rid of it. I began reading up on it a little bit more and discovered many people live this lifestyle. In fact, so much that even communities have emerged.

It intrigues me - the idea that one soul mate (The One) does not exist. I feel it can be linked to the idea that there is no soul, but I for one, have always believed in such a thing. My interest in polyamory, however, seems to challenge the idea that there is a soul, I think. Or does it? I'm not sure.

Most people would consider this cheating. I can understand that, but what if all parties involved know? I read about couples who are each others' "anchor partners," meaning they are essentially the "main one". Is this term just a security blanket for those who can't seem to stay/be loyal to one person? Does it even make sense to be with one person? Does continuing to have sex with one person (and one person only) defy the natural laws of sex/reproduction/evolution/genetic variability?

My apologies if no one is interested and if my thoughts are very disorganized. I just had to quickly put something down to simmer down the distraction so I can get back to work. Hopefully, we can get a good discussion rolling here.

P.S.
For those of you who know me, I know I haven't posted in awhile and am very aware of how shitty it is my first post in a long time isn't about music. My apologies.

Paedantic Basterd · 09-19-2011, 04:29 PM

I've always thought that if everyone involved is consenting and understanding, then all power to them. I don't think I would be a willing participant in such a relationship, for lots of personal reasons.

I don't at all think it challenges the prospect of a soul. I also don't believe that soulmates and souls are concepts that must go hand in hand. To me the "soulmate" is more about fate than about the soul.

duga · 09-19-2011, 04:31 PM

Firstly, I don't believe in "the one". I believe there can be one person who can be fulfilling enough that you don't need anyone else, but the idea that there is just one person out there for you is ridiculous. Monogamy is a human-made concept that simply benefited us once agriculture made its first big strides.

However, I don't think that realizing this will lead us to a more polyamorous lifestyle. In fact, with the fast pace lifestyle that is so common these days, monogamy will only be reinforced. Most people simply don't have the time or means for more than one relationship.

333 · 09-19-2011, 04:45 PM

Thanks for the response, guys.

Another thing I think we should think about is how long humans live. To have one soulmate is a bit ridiculous, isn't it? This realization scares me. I don't think polyamorous won't work for me because I simply won't have time, but because I can feel that emotional and mentally I'm not ready to come to terms with something that has been ingrained in me for so long.

I realize that simply realizing this is a step to change the monotonous lifestyle I've led; however, what of morals and ethics? Sure, they were man-made, too. Isn't that what ultimately drives the monogamous relationship? I don't know if I can believe anyone that says they've never thought about being with another while seriously or casually involved with someone else. You can call it unfair. I call it realistic.

Thanks for the insight.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 09-20-2011, 11:39 AM

lol I hate the idea of soulmates so much. Not so much because I don't believe that we have "souls", but more that it seems so ridiculous and nonsensical. I believe that we have several "soulmates" as it is, it's more that we have needs for certain traits and they fulfill those needs.

The idea of a soulmate perpetuates some really bad standards people have for relationships, like "If we were meant to be, we wouldn't fight so much".
uhhh

Anyway not to go on a tangent. I see how the idea of polyamory is enticing, especially if your needs aren't being met and you can get half your needs met by one person, and the other half by another. To me this just says that you need to find a better boyfriend/girlfriend who can meet those. I could never be polyamorous because giving my love/trust to more than one person seems ridiculous. I enjoy my monogamous lifestyle because it feels as though I have a partner, who balances me out. It would feel wrong to have another person in the mix, because of the bond the two of us have formed, and how we've grown with one another and into one another.

Mykonos · 09-20-2011, 12:18 PM

Yeah, sure, why not. If I had a genuine partner and then a sex buddy that she knew about and was happy with, I doubt it would bother me. She'd be welcome to as well. Two full relationships at once though? Probably not.

CanwllCorfe · 09-20-2011, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duga

Monogamy is a human-made concept.

I'm quite sure there are animals outside of humans that are monogamous. The ones I KNOW of are Black Vultures and Beavers. I know it's more common with birds, but I'm not certain as to why.

I think polyamorous relationships could be just as successful as monogamous ones. It depends on the person and what they think is best for them. That's... pretty much all I have to say.

FRED HALE SR. · 09-20-2011, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanwllCorfe

I'm quite sure there are animals outside of humans that are monogamous. The ones I KNOW of are Black Vultures and Beavers. I know it's more common with birds, but I'm not certain as to why.

I think polyamorous relationships could be just as successful as monogamous ones. It depends on the person and what they think is best for them. That's... pretty much all I have to say.

Seems like most relationships based on Polyamoral would be sexually driven. That leads me to believe it would side more towards the male population. I think it would take a strong minded individual to allow their life to be lead into this type of relationship.

All of the polyamoral ladies Holla!!

CanwllCorfe · 09-20-2011, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FRED HALE SR.

Seems like most relationships based on Polyamoral would be sexually driven. That leads me to believe it would side more towards the male population. I think it would take a strong minded individual to allow their life to be lead into this type of relationship.

Oh, I would definitely imagine so. And yeah, I'd say strong-minded is definitely a good word. I wouldn't doubt that I'd be able to be in a polyamorous relationship, but it's definitely not for me.

Paedantic Basterd · 09-20-2011, 12:42 PM

My understanding isn't necessarily that it involves having sex buddies on the side (which is an open relationship), and is more about 3+ people being involved together. I knew a couple who gave it a shot and they were both equally involved with the third person they brought into their relationship.

Personally, I don't want to have romantic/emotional/financial responsibility to more than one person at a time, which is the most logical argument against it that I can think.

09-19-2011, 03:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	Polyamory If you are unfamiliar with the term, it can be defined as "the act of being intimately or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time". This idea has been pinballing around in my head and I can't seem to get rid of it. I began reading up on it a little bit more and discovered many people live this lifestyle. In fact, so much that even communities have emerged. It intrigues me - the idea that one soul mate (The One) does not exist. I feel it can be linked to the idea that there is no soul, but I for one, have always believed in such a thing. My interest in polyamory, however, seems to challenge the idea that there is a soul, I think. Or does it? I'm not sure. Most people would consider this cheating. I can understand that, but what if all parties involved know? I read about couples who are each others' "anchor partners," meaning they are essentially the "main one". Is this term just a security blanket for those who can't seem to stay/be loyal to one person? Does it even make sense to be with one person? Does continuing to have sex with one person (and one person only) defy the natural laws of sex/reproduction/evolution/genetic variability? My apologies if no one is interested and if my thoughts are very disorganized. I just had to quickly put something down to simmer down the distraction so I can get back to work. Hopefully, we can get a good discussion rolling here. P.S. For those of you who know me, I know I haven't posted in awhile and am very aware of how shitty it is my first post in a long time isn't about music. My apologies.

09-19-2011, 04:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
duga MB quadrant's JM Vincent Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 3,762	Firstly, I don't believe in "the one". I believe there can be one person who can be fulfilling enough that you don't need anyone else, but the idea that there is just one person out there for you is ridiculous. Monogamy is a human-made concept that simply benefited us once agriculture made its first big strides. However, I don't think that realizing this will lead us to a more polyamorous lifestyle. In fact, with the fast pace lifestyle that is so common these days, monogamy will only be reinforced. Most people simply don't have the time or means for more than one relationship. __________________ Confusion will be my epitaph...

09-20-2011, 12:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mykonos AWhatup Ganache? Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 381	Yeah, sure, why not. If I had a genuine partner and then a sex buddy that she knew about and was happy with, I doubt it would bother me. She'd be welcome to as well. Two full relationships at once though? Probably not. __________________ 'Not that Becktionary, the Rhyming Becktionary!'- Bender Bending Rodriguez

09-19-2011, 04:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	I've always thought that if everyone involved is consenting and understanding, then all power to them. I don't think I would be a willing participant in such a relationship, for lots of personal reasons. I don't at all think it challenges the prospect of a soul. I also don't believe that soulmates and souls are concepts that must go hand in hand. To me the "soulmate" is more about fate than about the soul.

09-19-2011, 04:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	Thanks for the response, guys. Another thing I think we should think about is how long humans live. To have one soulmate is a bit ridiculous, isn't it? This realization scares me. I don't think polyamorous won't work for me because I simply won't have time, but because I can feel that emotional and mentally I'm not ready to come to terms with something that has been ingrained in me for so long. I realize that simply realizing this is a step to change the monotonous lifestyle I've led; however, what of morals and ethics? Sure, they were man-made, too. Isn't that what ultimately drives the monogamous relationship? I don't know if I can believe anyone that says they've never thought about being with another while seriously or casually involved with someone else. You can call it unfair. I call it realistic. Thanks for the insight.

09-20-2011, 11:39 AM	#5 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	lol I hate the idea of soulmates so much. Not so much because I don't believe that we have "souls", but more that it seems so ridiculous and nonsensical. I believe that we have several "soulmates" as it is, it's more that we have needs for certain traits and they fulfill those needs. The idea of a soulmate perpetuates some really bad standards people have for relationships, like "If we were meant to be, we wouldn't fight so much". uhhh Anyway not to go on a tangent. I see how the idea of polyamory is enticing, especially if your needs aren't being met and you can get half your needs met by one person, and the other half by another. To me this just says that you need to find a better boyfriend/girlfriend who can meet those. I could never be polyamorous because giving my love/trust to more than one person seems ridiculous. I enjoy my monogamous lifestyle because it feels as though I have a partner, who balances me out. It would feel wrong to have another person in the mix, because of the bond the two of us have formed, and how we've grown with one another and into one another.

09-20-2011, 12:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	My understanding isn't necessarily that it involves having sex buddies on the side (which is an open relationship), and is more about 3+ people being involved together. I knew a couple who gave it a shot and they were both equally involved with the third person they brought into their relationship. Personally, I don't want to have romantic/emotional/financial responsibility to more than one person at a time, which is the most logical argument against it that I can think.