Odyshape

What do you guys think about the "Art of pickup" and all those advice things you see all over (especially on porn websites). When I hear a lot about all of these techniques guys use to "pick-up" girls I can't help but think that those aren't really all that effective.

Telling a guy to do a specific thing isn't really beneficial. From my knowledge and experience girls seem to just want some one who isn't afraid of their impulses (within reason) and some one who's impulses aren't totally ****ed up. (I could use some girls on this forum to vouch for that one)

So pretty much some one who is decisive, which is what really confuses me. Telling some one to do a particular thing doesn't do that. Telling them to say a certain thing or act a certain way doesn't empower their impulse in fact it makes meeting girls a big thinking game... Which I know definitely doesn't help.

What do you guys think about the supposed "Art" of pickup?

LoathsomePete

I read most of Neil Strauss' The Game and it had some interesting psychological material in it, that unfortunately, gets abandoned for the application. There was real potential to try and write a book that brought together science and application. As for the actual "art" itself, I'm not particularly a fan. The idea of lowering a woman's self-esteem so they'll touch your boner comes across as even below used car salesman sleazy. The mentality that many of the practitioners share is as a little disquieting too. Basically to them they see that the sexes are constantly "at war" with each other and by having sex with a woman is the way of showing dominance. There's really no other variables like love or compassion as reasons to have sex, just a way to assert your dominance over the "inferior" sex and get yourself off.

I don't really have a problem if you use some of the techniques to help you open up and become more sociable, while leaving that half baked dogma it was founded on at the door. Use it to get your foot in the front door, but when it comes to crossing the bedroom threshold be a gentleman about it.

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Odyshape

I think its important for most guys not to be necessarily dominant so to speak in a relationship but it should be implied by the guy that when appropriate he has the ability to do so. Most good relationships are like that not just romantic ones. Everyone has their certain forms of dominance that are accustom to what they are best at. So I am not confining the the idea of "being relatively dominant over women as being best" but I do think that is usually how most healthy boy girl romantic relationships work out. I believe in general there are inclinations that could be from our evolutionary past or maybe some common cultural attributes that predispose many people to find satisfaction in relationships that work through some form of dominance.

Keep in mind my definition of dominance in the context of a healthy relationship is very different than what I would consider it to be in other contexts. To me dominance simply means you imply that you have the ability to take control of yourself and if reasonable have the ability to not control others but persuade them for a mutual benefit. Kind of like being able to see the big picture.

Maybe the way I am using the word dominance isn't even really dominance... If any one who is good with words could maybe fill me in on what may be a more suitable word it would be appreciated.

* P.S this isn't meant to be sexist I am just speaking from what things I have learned. I know very well my perception is distorted because of my personal experience, (who's isn't)

Freebase Dali

In the long term, no one can keep up a false nature about themselves, and a relationship based on that false nature is likely to fail once the truth comes out and the girl or guy realizes they're dating a total moron whose actions and mannerisms are completely opposite of what they liked to begin with. So the most effective way to go about it would be to just be yourself from the beginning. It seems cliche', but it's common sense. People can't just will themselves to change into something they think a person wants and hope to maintain it. Nor would it be very enjoyable if they could.

On the other hand, if you're just looking for a piece of ass, it's a completely different story.

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midnight rain

^ What he said. Plus a lot of girls have a BS detector and can tell when you're just going through the motions of how to pick up a girl. So if you're not a good actor, I wouldn't even bother.

Being yourself doesn't mean you have to hide in a corner though. You can grow some balls while still retaining your personality.

Sansa Stark

Actually, it's not just guys who take the dominant role in relationships. Usually people just naturally have a dominant or submissive personality but it's kind of expected of us women to be submissive or we're not feminine. However, I'm the dominant one in my relationship and it works out for us because that's how our personalities are.

Howard the Duck

i think the best advice is mix with more women, even those you have no intention of sleeping with

just talk, interact, hang out

after that, it becomes very natural to "pick up"

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mr dave

It ultimately depends on whether or not you're looking to establish a fulfilling emotionally intimate relationship or if you just want to add another notch to your bed post. The only thing pickup 'techniques' are really for is so that you can psychologically manipulate another person into letting them use their body instead of your hand to rub one out.

Also consider the source of those techniques and advice, nothing about porn or picking up is about substance or reality, it's all about superficial fantasy. It's flat out impossible to establish any sort of worthwhile intimate relationship if you're not honest about yourself during your initial meetings, very little about the 'art' of picking up is about being honest. I'd be surprised to find out 'never tell the truth' wasn't one of their top rules or something.

Being assertive or dominant also doesn't mean you have to be controlling or overbearing either. It's less about telling the girl what to do and more about being able to be clear with the girl about what you'd like to do. Like the difference between:

-Hey babe, tonight after work you're going to meet me at this place at this time and then we're going to do stuff and then go there afterwards.
vs
-Hey babe, I was thinking I'd like to take you out for dinner after work tonight and then maybe we can hit up that cafe you've talked about recently.

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Cheese

I have a book called "The Art of The Pickup" details all kinds from Fords to Chevs

GuitarBizarre

^ Art of Pickup.

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