The Relationship Thread.

[Tristesse]

Originally Posted by djchameleon

Well come out and tell her the truth then and let her know that those bad things aren't true.

Yeah I've been working on that. I expect some of them probably are true though, I haven't asked her what the things are that she's heard. Even though it would be interesting to know who she's been talking to (and which of my 'friends' have been trying to screw me over), some things are probably left hidden!

EDIT:

"I am involved with three different guys at the moment (please don't think me greedy!) but I don't want to be tied to any one of them"

Looks like I've found me some wife material.

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

It's not like we never have sex, I think it's more about a lack of confidence rather than not actually wanting to have sex. The both of us are quite shy so it could be that. I often don't initiate sex because I basically worry that he doesn't want to have sex and will therefore tell me to stop. I have major insecurities about myself so I think it's more of a problem with me than anything else.

You're a hot chick so your insecurities are unfounded. I've seen your pics. He wants to have sex with you. Or something less creepy but still supportive.

[FETCHER.]

I'm coming here to ask this because I'm not sure where else to go with it or who else I can ask the advice of.

My boyfriend has been messaging a few of his exes (which I don't mind too much) throughout the 2 years of our relationship, it's never regular contact but he left his Facebook on his PC last night and I read through his messages (which I know I definitely should NOT have done, I feel guilty for this) but he messaged his ex at 3am telling her she looked really well and she replied saying he looked swav too and then they were started the conversation, they were flirtatious or anything but they were definitely more friendly than in comfortable with. Considering if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.

I don't know what I should do because I don't want to break my trust with him because I read his messages and end up falling out due to my own stupidity but I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a converaation other than a brief catch up.


I really don't know what to do and I'm at a loss here.

[Cuthbert]

I can see why you're pissed off that he'd say that to an ex but not to you, but I don't think he's done much wrong to be honest.

I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a converaation other than a brief catch up.

Do you mean these two in particular or anyone you're seeing having a conversation with an ex?

if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.

Would speak to him about this but not the FB thing.

[FETCHER.]

I just feel really uncomfortable that he messages his ex at 3am drunk and wouldn't ever think to message me at this time even if I'm awake or out drinking separately.

I generally just feel uncomfortable with him talking to exes and initiating conversation at that time drunk, I genuinely just don't understand why he would want to do that. I don't mind him talking to exes because I know there's nothing in it but this recent conversation with the girl has left me feeling really uncomfortable. He has messaged her in the past asking her if she's partying, also do not understand why he would want to party with his ex gf when he doesn't do this with me.


I've brought up before but again it's another subject I don't know how to approach, he's my first boyfriend and I've never had to do these things.

[FETCHER.]

I'd also like to point out I have a lot of insecurities about myself which makes things worse when he's telling some random ex she's looking well but doesn't ever say to me.

[RoxyRollah]

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

I'm coming here to ask this because I'm not sure where else to go with it or who else I can ask the advice of.

My boyfriend has been messaging a few of his exes (which I don't mind too much) throughout the 2 years of our relationship, it's never regular contact but he left his Facebook on his PC last night and I read through his messages (which I know I definitely should NOT have done, I feel guilty for this) but he messaged his ex at 3am telling her she looked really well and she replied saying he looked swav too and then they were started the conversation, they were flirtatious or anything but they were definitely more friendly than in comfortable with. Considering if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.

I don't know what I should do because I don't want to break my trust with him because I read his messages and end up falling out due to my own stupidity but I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a converaation other than a brief catch up.


I really don't know what to do and I'm at a loss here.

Don't offer the information that you read his stuff because you had a very human moment of snooping. But if confronted with it don't lie.

You are a beautiful girl darling you light up a room, and there are tons of guys that would have you and do what he's not doing. I'm not saying dump him, what I am saying is know that you are the total package and if he keeps the **** up and you are not are not feeling it anymore, then talk to him. DON'T OPEN WITH "HEY I READ YOUR FACEBOOCK COCKSUCKER."

That will only shift everything in the argument on to you and allow him an easy escape by using you and your transgressions as the focal point.

There is no way to get a man to say you look nice without sounding insecure and needy this is one of those suck it up wheezer, moments. I am sorry darling I hate to say that to you, without being able to say girl step yer game up to go with that. Because you already are breathtaking so I dunno how else to help, usually if a gf said that to me I would tell them well honey take a little more pride in yer self and actually spend that extra hour with make-up if the situation calls for it. But like I said you already do the work, (judging from yer pics.)

I hope this helped

If you need anything you know where my in box is.

[Key]

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

I'm coming here to ask this because I'm not sure where else to go with it or who else I can ask the advice of.

My boyfriend has been messaging a few of his exes (which I don't mind too much) throughout the 2 years of our relationship, it's never regular contact but he left his Facebook on his PC last night and I read through his messages (which I know I definitely should NOT have done, I feel guilty for this) but he messaged his ex at 3am telling her she looked really well and she replied saying he looked swav too and then they were started the conversation, they were flirtatious or anything but they were definitely more friendly than in comfortable with. Considering if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.

I don't know what I should do because I don't want to break my trust with him because I read his messages and end up falling out due to my own stupidity but I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a conversation other than a brief catch up.


I really don't know what to do and I'm at a loss here.

I don't think there's much to worry about. It seems like he just wanted to bury the hatchet and hopefully continue to be friends with the people he's been with instead of their being bad energy between the two of them.

Also, I hate to say it and I mean this sincerely, but you say you don't want to break your trust with him, however just the act of reading the messages has already done that. If it were me, i'd be straight up with him and say "look, I read the messages, I know i'm a terrible person, but why were you talking to this person that way and not me." Maybe he'll be mad for a while, but eventually he'll come around and realize how he was acting and try to fix it.

Again, I don't want to offend you or anything, but I would at least give him the courtesy of letting him know that you read the messages which you already know you shouldn't have done. If anything, you won't feel guilty about it anymore.

[Ninetales]

I am in no way a relationship guru, and I have no idea what your bf's personality is like, but for me personally im the kind of guy that wants to know if something im doing is bothering the girl im with. as blunt as possible. so if they want me to say nicer things to them (and ive had a girl ask me that before) then I want to know. big fan of open communication.

the looking at fb messages is also something that id probably not care about if someone did that to me, UNLESS I was caught doing something wrong. but im also kind of weaselly, so while it wouldn't actually bother me, if you told me that you did id probably use it as leverage in an argument because im a dick. so ya like roxy said it would probably shift from being a problem with him to a problem with you.

the way I see it there are 3 options here. first you could tell him you saw the messages and that they bother you. this will probably lead to a fight about him not complimenting you enough/you not trusting him. if you think your relationship can handle it, then do it. but it wouldn't be pleasant. second is just telling him to be more romantic or something without telling him about the messages. or you could vaguely ask if he still talks about to his exes/about what. might make you feel more guilty tho cuz its sort of disingenuous. third option is to not mention anything and if hes actually doing something wrong here, he'll mess up again and you can torch him then. but this really doesn't resolve any problems at the moment and is really just a waiting game. and likely not good for a relationship.

imo id tell him. but again youd have to be sure youre ready for the storm. and id also preface this with saying im dumb so maybe listening to me is bad haha.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by RoxyRollah

Don't offer the information that you read his stuff because you had a very human moment of snooping. But if confronted with it don't lie.

You are a beautiful girl darling you light up a room, and there are tons of guys that would have you and do what he's not doing.

This. 100%.