Let's Talk About Love

Engine · 08-31-2013, 05:37 PM

I'm glad to hear that so many of you have families and parents that fell in love only once and lived happily ever after. May you first-time lovers all be so lucky.

I don't know all the stats of course, I only said approximately never. Also, I tend not to count the older generations b/c they got often got and stayed married due to tradition and taboo. And I've seen very few older married couples that I would consider happy (please don't inundate me with stories of how happy your parents and grandparents are - I believe you).

For the record, I do personally know one person (born after 1970) who stayed with their first love. One.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 08-31-2013, 08:00 PM

Interesting perspective Engine. I think a lot of married couples are unhappy because of financial situations, lack of sex life, stuck in a boring job. My parents have got themselves in a bad situation but they are still trying hard to stick together and make a better life for themselves.

Trollheart · 09-01-2013, 04:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Interesting perspective Engine. I think a lot of married couples are unhappy because of financial situations, lack of sex life, stuck in a boring job. My parents have got themselves in a bad situation but they are still trying hard to stick together and make a better life for themselves.

This is true. Then of course you have the couple with kids, who stick together because of the children. My own mother is/was a perfect example of this; let my scumbag father beat on her and lord it over her for our sake. She instilled in us all the values I believe make me me today, and I'm forever grateful that she didn't just leave, though in Ireland at this time --- about the seventies --- this would have been a hard thing to do, as there was little or no support, or indeed sympathy, for a woman on her own. My mother worked three --- count 'em, three! --- jobs to support us after he ****ed off, and that was not counting being a mother when she got home. Jesus, how she survived is beyond me. And never a cross word. Well, almost hardly never.

Dammit I miss me ma! Hope you're looking down on me now and are a little proud of how I turned out mammy...

djchameleon · 09-01-2013, 04:26 AM

If the love is gone it tends to create a more hostile environment. I really wish couples that no longer love each other would stop staying around for the kids. Don't you realize that the kids can see the tension and that you don't love each other as much anymore. People don't give kids enough credit. They aren't dumb and know what's going on. Then there is the passive aggressive bull**** that is hard to ignore. You parents aren't being very clever.

Burning Down · 09-01-2013, 06:37 AM

Then there's the divorced parents who use their kids like pawns to attack the other parent and whatever. Like its not your kid's business and it's not healthy for them to be involved.

Key · 09-01-2013, 08:19 AM

Aww man, all this talk about divorce in a love thread.

Dayvan Cowboy · 09-03-2013, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burning Down

Then there's the divorced parents who use their kids like pawns to attack the other parent and whatever. Like its not your kid's business and it's not healthy for them to be involved.

this reminds me of what happened to my half sister

my dad got some girl preggers, and they had a kid and i was really excited because I was an only child at that point. so i was around her until she was like, three of four and she broke up with my dad and decided that she would cut off all contact with his part of the family.

my poor grandmother used to send my half sister gifts for christmas and her mother wouldn't even answer the door and threatened to call the police

i haven't heard about her in years and i really want to reconnect with my lil sis but she's too keen on using a child as warfare so i guess it can't be helped.

#daddyissues

Trollheart · 09-03-2013, 07:29 PM

@ GB: I feel really bad for you man, though of course I have no answers. I hope coming here talking to us makes it a smidgeon better, and that it will in time sort itself out for you. You strike me as a really genuine guy and I really hope things get better for you. You know we're all here, so , cliche #23,670: lean on us.

As for me: meh, never had a girlfriend, ever, but I did have someone I (thought I) loved, who knew full well I was (as I thought, maybe I was) in love with her and was quite uncomfortable about it but remained a "friend". She would make very hurtful comments off the cuff, like "what if you and I were married?" knowing that at the time such a thing would be my dream, and when she became pregnant (not by me I hasten to add) I actually offered to marry her so the child would have a father. Jesus, what an idiot!

Turns out she was just using me for what she could get. Look, throw all the "stupid dickhead" comments you want my way when you hear this, I agree with them all.

I paid all her utility bills.
I paid for her washing machine.
I paid for her TV
I paid the insurance on her car
I paid for her to join the AA (Automobile Association, breakdown service)
I put something like 300 Euro a month (out of my takehome salary of probably 1500) in an account for her

It all blew up one evening when she came down to my aunt's house, where I was REALLY sick and trying to recover, demanded to know why her money was not in the account, then promptly "ended it" (whatever "it" was) with me. It was only then I managed to drag open my eyes and see what a complete fool I had been. Look at the signs and you'll see how totally blind I was:

1. She NEVER came down to my house (we lived about 15 mins apart) unless she wanted something, either something done on the computer or a loan of money

2. She almost never called me; I had to call her

3. I very often got her answering machine (no voicemail back then) and seldom got a callback

4. If we went out, I paid for every single thing (which is fine, as I stated in the "Feminism" thread: I'm okay doing that and think that's how it should be anyway)

5. She regularly cancelled "dates" at the last moment

6. She regularly told me she'd ring me but did not, then accused me of treating her as if she were my girlfriend if I dared ring her asking why she didnt call me when she said she would

7. She allowed me to call her "honey" but only when it suited her, she regularly snapped at me about this. In fairness, I suppose that was acceptable, but then SHE would call ME honey...!

8. She used me to make her ex-boyfriend jealous

9. When she needed money she'd never say it outright but would literally cry on the phone ("I don't know if they're going to cut off my electricity" etc) so that she could never be accused of asking for the money, but it came down to the same thing.

10. She teased me about lingerie shoots she had done, promising I'd see the photos "one day". I never did, of course, if they existed.

11. One of our dates she wore a miniskirt but a big long coat too, and when she took the coat off in the restaurant and I complimented her she took offence

12. She pointedly stayed away from my mother's funeral, her only excuse being that she didn't like funerals --- who does? --- yet I was there to support her the whole day when her sister died

13. She used me to get a temporary job where I worked

14. In the end, when she could see I was actually standing up for myself she dropped me as a friend after over ten years, called me evil and cut off all contact.

Wow! Can I pick 'em, or what? Is that the most pathetic case of infatuation and manipulation you have ever heard?

djchameleon · 09-03-2013, 09:03 PM

TH, you were a sugar daddy without even knowing it.

~~butthead aka 216~~ · 09-03-2013, 09:07 PM

huitar and trollheart went hard right here

thats real truth

makes me feel less bad about my past knowin others have had bad experiences

08-31-2013, 05:37 PM	#121 (permalink)
Engine air quote Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: pollen & mold Posts: 3,108	I'm glad to hear that so many of you have families and parents that fell in love only once and lived happily ever after. May you first-time lovers all be so lucky. I don't know all the stats of course, I only said approximately never. Also, I tend not to count the older generations b/c they got often got and stayed married due to tradition and taboo. And I've seen very few older married couples that I would consider happy (please don't inundate me with stories of how happy your parents and grandparents are - I believe you). For the record, I do personally know one person (born after 1970) who stayed with their first love. One. __________________ Like an arrow, I was only passing through.

08-31-2013, 08:00 PM	#122 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	Interesting perspective Engine. I think a lot of married couples are unhappy because of financial situations, lack of sex life, stuck in a boring job. My parents have got themselves in a bad situation but they are still trying hard to stick together and make a better life for themselves. __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

09-03-2013, 07:29 PM	#128 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,970	@ GB: I feel really bad for you man, though of course I have no answers. I hope coming here talking to us makes it a smidgeon better, and that it will in time sort itself out for you. You strike me as a really genuine guy and I really hope things get better for you. You know we're all here, so , cliche #23,670: lean on us. As for me: meh, never had a girlfriend, ever, but I did have someone I (thought I) loved, who knew full well I was (as I thought, maybe I was) in love with her and was quite uncomfortable about it but remained a "friend". She would make very hurtful comments off the cuff, like "what if you and I were married?" knowing that at the time such a thing would be my dream, and when she became pregnant (not by me I hasten to add) I actually offered to marry her so the child would have a father. Jesus, what an idiot! Turns out she was just using me for what she could get. Look, throw all the "stupid dickhead" comments you want my way when you hear this, I agree with them all. I paid all her utility bills. I paid for her washing machine. I paid for her TV I paid the insurance on her car I paid for her to join the AA (Automobile Association, breakdown service) I put something like 300 Euro a month (out of my takehome salary of probably 1500) in an account for her It all blew up one evening when she came down to my aunt's house, where I was REALLY sick and trying to recover, demanded to know why her money was not in the account, then promptly "ended it" (whatever "it" was) with me. It was only then I managed to drag open my eyes and see what a complete fool I had been. Look at the signs and you'll see how totally blind I was: 1. She NEVER came down to my house (we lived about 15 mins apart) unless she wanted something, either something done on the computer or a loan of money 2. She almost never called me; I had to call her 3. I very often got her answering machine (no voicemail back then) and seldom got a callback 4. If we went out, I paid for every single thing (which is fine, as I stated in the "Feminism" thread: I'm okay doing that and think that's how it should be anyway) 5. She regularly cancelled "dates" at the last moment 6. She regularly told me she'd ring me but did not, then accused me of treating her as if she were my girlfriend if I dared ring her asking why she didnt call me when she said she would 7. She allowed me to call her "honey" but only when it suited her, she regularly snapped at me about this. In fairness, I suppose that was acceptable, but then SHE would call ME honey...! 8. She used me to make her ex-boyfriend jealous 9. When she needed money she'd never say it outright but would literally cry on the phone ("I don't know if they're going to cut off my electricity" etc) so that she could never be accused of asking for the money, but it came down to the same thing. 10. She teased me about lingerie shoots she had done, promising I'd see the photos "one day". I never did, of course, if they existed. 11. One of our dates she wore a miniskirt but a big long coat too, and when she took the coat off in the restaurant and I complimented her she took offence 12. She pointedly stayed away from my mother's funeral, her only excuse being that she didn't like funerals --- who does? --- yet I was there to support her the whole day when her sister died 13. She used me to get a temporary job where I worked 14. In the end, when she could see I was actually standing up for myself she dropped me as a friend after over ten years, called me evil and cut off all contact. Wow! Can I pick 'em, or what? Is that the most pathetic case of infatuation and manipulation you have ever heard? __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

09-01-2013, 06:37 AM	#125 (permalink)
Burning Down The Music Guru. Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Beyond the Wall Posts: 4,858	Then there's the divorced parents who use their kids like pawns to attack the other parent and whatever. Like its not your kid's business and it's not healthy for them to be involved.

09-01-2013, 08:19 AM	#126 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Aww man, all this talk about divorce in a love thread.

09-03-2013, 09:07 PM	#130 (permalink)
~~butthead aka 216~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: freely swimmin thru the waters of glory much like a majestic bald eagle soars thru the skies Posts: 1,463	huitar and trollheart went hard right here thats real truth makes me feel less bad about my past knowin others have had bad experiences