Traditional Asian Parents
 

Before I start, let me make myself clear... I did not create this thread out of anger or sadness. I am not racist. The reason I made this thread is because I am looking for answers... I do not understand why Asian parents demand so much from their children.

My Asian parents are only satisfied when I bring home A grades. They will not tolerate B's, C's, or anything that is lower. When I bring home a C, my parents act as if I have just committed a crime.

I understand that my parents put a roof over my head and they give me food. To a degree, I owe them (no kidding). But if you had parents who constantly told you that you have to get an A in every course, wouldn't you find this irritating? Besides, I have already paid my parents back... I mow the lawn, I shovel the snow, I prepare the table for dinner almost everyday. I have received some A's in Accounting and Business courses. But for some reason, to a degree, my parents act as if I am never good enough for them.

I know that there are some exceptions... There are some Asian parents who are very tolerant and permissive... They allow their sons/daughters to go to the movies and hang out with their friends. But generally speaking, when I look at first generation Asian immigrant parents, I find that they are very conservative. Again, why do Asian parents demand so much from their sons/daughters?

Let's look at the excuse... "Asian parents came from countries where life was really hard... In these countries, human beings were used. Human beings were sold. Human beings were exploited." But black people and latinos also come from developing countries. Black people and latinos are a lot more permissive than Asian parents. (Generally speaking, it's true.)

I am not saying that Asian parents are evil. However there are times when I think that they are too conservative. I think that I am speaking for millions of Asian children... Asian parents need to change their way of thinking. They need to become more tolerant. They need to allow their sons/daughters to have a social life. Academic grades are important, no kidding. But there is a lot more to life than just academic grades.

What is your opinion on this issue? I would like to hear from Asians and Non-asians.

My Pakistani/Iranian friend says that, in her case, it's partly down to pride - pride in the sense that her parents want her to be seen as doing well in the eyes of others. Pride is a big thing in Middle Eastern, Persian and Indian families, and bringing shame to the family can see you banished, even murdered in extreme cases. Kinda crazy.

I don't know if she's right, but I suspect different Asian cultures have different reasons for demanding much from their kids.

I'm guessing you're from the USA RI Clown, but anyway two points that should be clarified 1) Which country are you in 2) Asian covers a huge range of people of many countries and cultures, so it might not be ideal to lump them altogether.

Speaking of the largest Asian group in the UK which are Indians, there is a tendency for a lot of Indians to act this way with their children. This by and large from my experience of having Indian friends, is that their parents had it hard as immigrants and in many ways harder than a lot of other immigrants did. It was therefore drummed into them that a good education which the British system provided back then was the key to their future success, as was showing business acumen as well. A few generations later, this demand for excellence by Indian parents for their children seems as strong as ever. Also the Indian population (extraction) here usually studies engineering, mathematics, sciences and business, subjects which are likely to earn them money.

I feel really sorry for the friend I mentioned. She had an arranged marriage and is deeply unhappy (in her marriage, not in life) and still doesn't love him despite being wed for several years now. When I suggested she get a divorce, she said it wasn't even an option as it would bring too much shame to her parents. It's sad. :(

And, generally speaking, they commit a hell of a lot more crime. Connection?

That is bloody awful. I couldn't even imagine what it's like to be married to someone I don't love or chosen by myself. I think this "bringing shame to the family" thing is crossing the line. It's one thing to honour family values but at the same time you should be able to be yourself, determine your career on your own terms and marry someone you love. I was so blessed to be in a family that didn't pressure me to get A's and let me have a childhood. I have plenty of qualifications but got to have great experiences as well.

What makes me sad is to think about the gay, lesbian and transgender kids that get killed/hid from people/forced to marry the opposite sex because of the "shame" it brings to the family.

I'm living in Canada.

I'm talking about the old Asian cultures of the Far East. (e.g.: China, Taiwan, South Korea, etc.) I do not think that India is a far eastern country, however, Indian culture and Far Eastern culture have many similarities.

And that makes your parents different because....

So they're supposed to tell you it's ok not to do your best in every class. "Sure, son, you can slack off in some classes but not most of them." Are you seriously expecting to hear that? And if you ever do hear your parents say that--TRADE THEM IN AND GET NEW ONES!

So you've paid them back and that means you don't have to do well in school?? Can you clarify this a little better?? Apparently, the finer points of your argument slipping past me.

I'll answer that with this quote from Wiki:
Recent U.S. Census Bureau publications indicate a strong correlation between race and affluence. In the top household income quintile, households with incomes exceeding $91,200, Asian Americans and Whites were overrepresented, whereas Hispanics and African Americans were underrepresented. The household income for Asian Americans was, at $61,094, by far the highest,[28] exceeding that of Whites ($48,554) by 26%.[29] Over a quarter, 27.5%, of Asian American households had incomes exceeding $100,000, and another 40% had incomes of over $75,000.[30]

I guess that answers that.

Please see the above quote from Wiki.

When you're living in my house and/or going to school on my ticket, you can have a social life when you graduate (preferably with honors) and move out. I mean, if having a social life interferes with your ability to study and get good grades then you're not having a social life that I'm going to pay for.

You just did.

No wonder you aren't doing so well in school. Go take a look at a globe kiddo.

Interesting: