TFW I've just jerked off about five seconds ago, and now I'm hungry. So, I put on my slacker pajama bottoms, and my Punisher shirt, cause that's how I roll, and I go out to the kitchen. Now, after a few seconds of browsing the cupboards (and deciding on some bombass Velveeta macaroni and cheese), I realize that I have just a touch of asthma. Usually, shaking hands with the governor isn't enough to give me respiratory problems, but I was doing some yard work earlier, and I guess I got some dirt or something in my throat and my lungs, which has now been disturbed from its rest. It's nothing too serious, but that, combined with the "recent exertion", is leaving me just a tad short of breath.

Here's my problem. In order to breath comfortably, I'm gonna have to start inhaling a bit harder, and I know it will be audible. And my mom sleeps right next to the kitchen. Without a door. There's absolutely zero chance that I'm gonna be able to start breathing hard without her hearing it. And there's absolutely no possible reason I can be breathing hard at 11:30 at night, unless I've been spanking the monkey. There's just no other explanation.

And so I gasp for air in silence.

Who cares if she heard you coughing.. You just spread your jizz hands all over the kitchen, you filthy animal.

No regrets.

tfw you're just minding your business, surfing the webs... listenin to some tunes. And your dog is just sitting next to you, staring at you with this expression like she hates you and are the stupidest mother****er she ever did see.


I love my dog and she loves me but she makes that expression sometimes and it's funniest damned thing.

when you search through all the threads you've started and only see bitchin ass bands

I advise you to stop jerking off.

TFW,when you are hiding from the newest addition to your class because she thinks that just bc you smoke, you guys must be tight,

Seriously Im having a hard holding a conversation due to the 13 years life experiences I have on her, :(

Hey, bitch! We smokers gotta stick together. If we don't, those smug, non-smoking SOBs will just pick us off, one by one, and then we'll all be those people who give a ****ty look to some guy, minding his own damn business, smoking a cig a hundred feet from anyone else.

****. That.


http://www.toiletscribble.com/wp-con.../smokekill.jpg

After 30+ years of smoking Newports, I quit 4 days ago (with a little help from being on my deathbed from the flu), so...

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/40781881.jpg

tfw, you get through the first 72 hrs.