if you were god
 

i feel like if it exists god got a lot of things right but there are a few things i would change myself.

my main idea is that instead of sending people to hell and all that i would just punish and reward people who live on earth. if a man sinned i would shrink his dick a little bit. if a woman sinned i'd make her a little bit fatter. so basically in my universe people would either stop sinning or it'd be a world full of small dicked men and fat women.

what would you do differently if you were god?

1. Send everything that ever existed back in time sucking it into the unknown it once came from

2. Spawn a cat named Jesus and make it insane by default and give it the ability to create

3. Listen to Smash Mouth - All Star

4. Kill myself with a lawnmower while laughing

That's what dick implants and liposuction are for. Check mate, God.

/thread

What do you mean, "if"? :D

But seriously: I would write it into ALL religious texts, in no way that could be taken ambiguously or misinterpreted that anyone who used my name as an excuse to kill or hurt others would never get into Heaven. No way. No chance. Don't even think about it. That'd stop all these ****ing religious wars.

Oh, and I would also say Mohammed's image can be shown everywhere:t-shirts, drawings, internet: don't even think about punishing people for using his image! He likes exposure!

Finally, at the beginning of the Bible I would have this preface:

"To my darling Candy. All characters who appear here are fictitious, and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

I'd make a mountain so high even I couldn't jump over it and then I'd jump over it anyway to much acclaim.

Also, instead of making trillions and trillions and trillions of electrons I would just make one that could be in an infinite number of times and places at the same time.

And I would put a smiley face on the sun.

I'd make a giant, crude penis on every crop field in the world.

I'd force all the people of Isreal and Palestine to bang each other to test their faith.

:beer:

I wonder how many people realize that the bible is a collection of short stories written by at least 40 different people over the course of approx. 1,500 years.

Waaaay more than forty. A lot of the bible was group work, there's probably forty or more writers for the Torah (first five chapters) alone.

If I was god If sneeze with my eyes open.

If I was God, I'd set off all the volcanos and deliver a couple tsunamis to planet earth. Anyone surviving probably deserves to live. Gotta get the vermin under control.

If I were God I'd bring back Firefly.

I'd worship you..

Yeah that's about it.

Surely you mean you'd bring Marc back to life?? :yikes:

I'd **** myself.

Well you can go do that anyway.

Not as well as I'd like to.

Yoga helps

No amount of yoga enables you to have an orgy with yourself.:(

It's probably way too intense to be god. God's already been doing it for eternity and is allegedly the first thing there ever was, so it's easy for him/her/them. If I just became an omniscient and omnipresent deity or force, it'd be too overwhelming*infinity.

I imagine being God would be like being dead, never being born, and being every single thing in between that has ever been. Seeing everything that has ever happened all at once... all that.

Sensory overload to the maxest of the max times infinityinfinity, dude. I don't wanna be God.

But if you were omniscient, you'd know how it is to have been god forever, so it'd be as easy, as you say it has already been for him.

I guess. I still wouldn't want to be omniscient if given the choice. That's too much right there.

Shroomahuasca was pretty gnarly, and that's just something we can achieve as mortals. I still wish to try traditional ayahuasca, but not for a long time, and after much heavy meditation.

Nowhere near being God of course, but in my opinion, a psychedelic experience like that might be as close as humans could get without dying. At least of the things I've personally experienced, I've heard and read some weird stuff that's happened to people.

Can't really say whether I would or wouldn't like to, since it's too hypothetical and removed from anything real.
Never done ayahuasca or even shroomahuasca, but my general experiences with hallucinogens were always very positive. Which obviously can only mean, that I have the capacity to be god. So bring it on universe, god me up.

I don't want to be God. Being God would make me exempt from just about all social stuff for all eternity, at least in the sense I'm used to, and I kind of enjoy having friends. Alright, I could probably go down to Earth Jesus-style and get some friends, but it'd be hella weird.

Quick side bar:

Plagiarism aside...

An Introduction to Biblical Nonsense

I think it's preaching to the choir around here.

It's just a term people use for mushrooms plus an maoi, since psilocin and DMT are very similar pharmacologically...

http://isomerdesign.com/PiHKAL/C/pk5018.png http://www.homemadedrugs.net/wp-cont...making-dmt.gif

...the maoi acts on the psilocin in mushrooms kinda like it would with DMT in ayahuasca.

^ been there, done that huh?

But, dude, you'd get to be in Scarlett Johansson's vagina all the time.

Been reading up on it just now. It does sound like a scary, or at least gnarly, combination.

Just because you're god doesn't mean you have to do anything.

The only sensible thing said so far. You people are fucked up in the head.

OK. And this is precisely why most people shouldn't take psychedelics.

Oh, and nothing against The Avengers, but I'd pull Joss Whedon off that, and put him on Spider-Man. How can anyone but him be allowed to direct the next Spider-Man movie?

If i were god i would make every women with a nice badonkadonk and every guy look like Zac efron.

i would not condemn homosexuality or even bestiality but would draw the line on pedophillia and that ofc means no more catholic church or any other religion except the Cult of Ray. that's the only one i'll allow.

As a human, I think part of what makes being alive so amazing (and of course dreadful, at times) is the insane amount of variety among us. I feel like it would kind of dilute the experience to step in and remove or add anything even if doing so would hypothetically make the world a 'better place'. Conflict and struggle, despite the drawbacks, makes life worthwhile and interesting. It gives use a reason to engage each other. The alternative is a planet full of Canadians. On the flip side, it would be interesting to see would life would be like if everyone got along and didn't hate each other for stupid reasons.

The one thing I would consider changing is human gender. I'd make everyone hermaphrodites. I feel like that would be a lot of fun.

Society would never exist if everyone could just sit up in a tree and **** themselves all day.

Dude, make me one of the double-dick kind. I wanna DP some bitch all by myself while her balls make slapping sounds against my thighs.

Gotta disagree vehemently on this one dude. Way too many innocents get caught up and suffer for this sh*t.