Is that a reference I'm missing?

You're Pet Sounds' crazy uncle, Keith Moon! (Come on, I know i'm not the only one who's seen Tommy...)

I was waiting at Hoss Williams' grave to see the devils come get him.

Funny enough, your reference tied in beautifully with mine.

One of the disadvantages of being the second oldest person in a classroom full of millenials, is that I feel like my brain is leaking valuble jucies every time they open their young stupid mouths.

As I walked into a gas station about twenty minutes ago I saw two people buying scratchers. Inwardly I sneered at them. How stupid do you have to be to just throw money down the toilet like that? What kind of mental deficiency must you suffer to engage in such moronic behavior? I then handed the cashier $5 for a pack of cigarettes.

At least you know what you're getting into when you're buying cigarettes. It's certain death. Scratchers are a gamble.

My parents buy lotto tickets like SuperMillions and PowerSuperRichFuckBall and stuff like that. When I turned 18 they tried to convince me to join the fun, but I told them that it's more likely to get struck by lightning, raped by Barack Obama, and attacked by a polar bear on the same day than it is to win on that shit. It got my mom to stop but my dad just thought I was being cynical.

At least you aren't a degenerate gambler.

Trust me on this one, it is definitely more likely that this will happen.

i can't get my mom to quit buying them. she always just says "you can't win if you don't play." i always respond that you can't win if you do play.