as long as that makes you feel better about your "mutual" break up, my friend

It must be shocking for someone as feeble-minded as you to imagine that there exists two mature adults who used to love each other romantically but lost that spark and are still willing to be good friends without being tied down

nah it's not hard to imagine at all. but since we're making baseless accusations, and since it's you.. my theory is that your girlfriend dumped you and you, being the nice guy that you are, agreed to be her reluctantly platonic roommate.

Interesting theory, although the actual story was that I'd been thinking about ending it with her for a couple of weeks but was still having a very hard time deciding, and when I brought it up she revealed she'd been having similar thoughts and after a couple hours of talking about it with a box of tissues by our side we both decided it was the right choice. Hence the term "mutual"

Dumped.

I wish I could tell you right off the bat, but tbh Idk. You have to factor in toll roads and toll bridges, taxes, food and lodging. I heard that the UK takes a lot from entertainers in taxes.

White people kinda scare me

Just bring a bottle of mayonnaise and a Weezer CD with you wherever you go and if you feel threatened by a whitey in public, drop them and run. They should generate sufficient distraction to facilitate a getaway.

*poke*
 

How many wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.