Lucem Ferre

And yet you never give any useful advice for people in the same situation other than "just give up" because what you consider just a small slip crippled you to the point where you completely lost the strength and drive that you once had probably because you know it was all your fault.

The moment I'm ready to give up I'm dead so I don't want to hear your defeatist self pity bull**** especially coming from somebody that's already lived a better life than me.

Like, for ****s sake you're super smart and hyper aware but the moment you let life break your spirit it made all of it useless because now you utilize it to drag everybody down to your own level of despondency rather than do anything useful to us or yourself. I don't completely agree with ant and pet's idea that you can just effort yourself out of ****ed up situations and some people probably are doomed to failure and misery but there is absolutely a truth to the accountability that you have for finding your own happiness.

I keep being told by you and bat that this idea is a delusional escape from the inevitable when in reality I think it's much much harder and depressing to admit that my life is kind of my fault.

So I don't take anything you've ever expressed to me on how to do or be better seriously because it's always "you can't". I'd rather try for myself to find better, whether or not it ultimately ends in the same unchanging misery which will ultimately end in my suicide, while you dwell in the useless defeatist attitude projecting it on everybody you can. You don't know everything you're just insufferably arrogant enough to think you do with out being able to back it up.

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jwb

OH won't let it go lol

He diverted the other thread with that test cheating story so I thought he was moving on.

But then any other thread I post in he somehow manages to bring it up again. Literally brought it up in a discussion about weather. I'll pray for him.

Lucem Ferre

Then quit judging people who don't think like that. You literally told me that my therapy, which has done a lot to help me, was completely useless and literally hoped that it became a useless money hole for me while all I've ever hoped for you was that you live the happiest life that you can.

Honestly I don't like to say much bout your situation because I think it's possible that maybe you're perfectly happy with it and there is nothing wrong with it to me despite the cultural ideas of what happiness is based on our greedy capitalist system.

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The Batlord

I'd just like it to be known that I do not consider my circumstances representative of the wider human race by any stretch and I am not cosigning OH's life lessons. I think I am a lost cause. I do not think that therefore everyone else must be lost causes who just haven't realized it yet. I can't help but feel that you're all delusional but hey that's just me. The **** I said to JWB was meant for JWB alone.

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jwb

I feel special.

The Batlord

You shouldn't.

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Lucem Ferre

But you're not a lost cause and that is something you take offense to hearing (reading) when it's actually meant to be a compliment from most of us that say it.

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jwb

Apparently I'm the only one incapable of helping myself, even though Lucem just told you that you said something similar to him. But yea. It's just me.

Lucem Ferre

I mean, I get you get all these working class gung ho people that try to act like everything in life is about the individual while situation has no effect and I get their intention is typically to shame you, I of course have lived through that humiliating and emotionally crippling judgement from people that don't understand and don't care what I'm going through.

But this isn't that. We just think you aren't as bad as you think you are and you have the ability to change what ever you want once you find a way to cope with what ever is preventing you from trying.

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Lucem Ferre

I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused my whole life by people that consistently told me that I am a useless imbecile (yeah, that's the reason behind the emotional triggers you have tried to exploit) and put myself into college. In fifth grade I scored so high on the 7th grade math tests that I was supposed to go to an academy for advanced math and engineering. In 7th grade I got a perfect score on the end of the year math tests (I forget what they called them, CRTs, CATs? You'd know better). I was pulled out of school a 3rd of the way through 10th grade and told I need to get a job. When I got my GED I went through a youth program that sent me to take the test with no studying and I scored so high that head people of the organization came out to congratulate me because my results were rare even among people that study for months prior. That same year I got third place in a "I make can make a difference" youth competition with a song I made trying to convince people to reject god and worship satan. In mormon as Salt Lake ****ing City. I grew up surrounded by drug addiction and never once followed my peers into meth or heroin. I did a year of college before dropping out because I realized I'd never be able to afford something that most likely will never benefit me in the direction I want my life to go. I taught myself how to produce, mix, master rap and perform all of my music which has gotten me paid as well as getting my music complimented by a platinum record engineer I look up to that did m/m and production on albums by Slaughterhouse, Eminem and Twiztid. I'm very very very proud of what I can do musically which is why I never take criticism harshly on it.

There was a time when I never accomplished any of that and if I did what you and everybody else around me try to convince me of I never would have. I don't know what I will do in the future. I could become a huge **** up, I could do great things. I'm just not going to take your pessimistic outlook on things serioiusly. ****, you would never have accomplished **** if that's how you thought earlier on either. JWB overcoming addiction is probably harder than anything either of us have done and that accomplishment alone is monumental to me. I know how ****ing evil drugs can be and I'm proud of JWB for even trying let alone succeeding.

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