Music Banter - Your Day

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Originally Posted by Trollheart (Post 2232665)

When you say a child, what age are we talking? If you say he or she is giving them candy I'm assuming not a teenager. In which case I would certainly think it's an odd thing to say to a child, but giving them the candy makes it a little more worrying. How well do you know this co-worker? Can you approach them with your concerns, or is there anyone else you can ask to see if it's worth escalating? Any history? I don't actually think you're being hyper-reactive, I think you're being sensible and potentially protective.

The population we serve are ages 6-22, the particular child in questions is between 10-12. It’s important to note that these children are“dual-diagnosed” - which implies an intellectual disability in addition to mental health related diagnoses.

I do not know her well, she was hired in January. She has experience in the field, and previously worked with non-verbal children on the autism spectrum. She is in her mid-20s, but in many ways seems immature for her age. She has an astounding lack of common sense and demonstrates inappropriate boundaries often. I have brought my concerns to my superiors from the start. Many things that stood out as red flags to me were thought to be trainable, but now I’m not even confident in her ability to understand her role in this job.

Even when I was a preschool teacher it’s a known, unwritten rule of sorts that every interaction you have with a child shapes their understanding of the world and their place in it - when you as a trusted adult in the kid’s life asks them something like “can you keep a secret” you are demonstrating that it would be ordinary for other adults the child interacts with to do the same thing. I don’t think I have to spell out why that is problematic.

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Originally Posted by SGR (Post 2232666)

My pedo alarms would be going off.

But I'd be really cautious before making that accusation, as it's a pretty grave one. There's conceivably a lot of different contexts where this could all happen and it involves nothing pedophilic.

How well do you know this person who said this? What happened after this was said? (Was anything else said? Did the kid wander off with the adult somewhere?)

Is there anyone above you on the totem pole that you trust and could approach with these concerns without suffering personal fallout?

I’m not concerned with there being a risk of abuse in that form, moreso what is being indirectly taught to these children as appropriate behavior to expect from adults. Her lack of boundaries with our older population is problematic as well, giving the clients her personal cell phone number and carrying on text conversation even when she’s not on shift, for example. Recently one client in my house (15-22 year olds) expressed an interest in learning to rap. The coworker in question printed him the lyrics for Superman by Eminem so he could practice. That song would not even be allowed to be played out loud in the house - of all the songs he could learn she suggested that one??? Like wtaf.

Nothing more came from that interaction I observed other than the kid getting candy when they aren’t even supposed to have sugar because of their elevated behaviors relating to sugar consumption. That’s a known thing agency-wide. It was notable to me that she waited for the child’s staff to be out of the room before offering the candy (it’s common for staff and clients to visit our house from other houses as it’s also where the main office and kitchen service is located). I did not confront her in the moment, just clocked it and added it to my long list of concerns in her regard that I intend to bring to the director.

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Originally Posted by The Batlord (Post 2232667)

How likely is it that they're just sneaking a kid candy? What was the situation like? Was it kind of casual like they weren't super worried about being seen or was this actually sneaky?

On the face of it sounds like it could be innocent but from how you've described your job it sounds like at risk kids in a boarding school environment and that right there merits an extra sense of danger and suspicion.

Extremely likely. I doubt it was at all nefarious, but is it illustrative of her lack of judgment and poor personal boundaries. Like I said above, there was some sneakiness to it. Bolded is exactly why this shouldn’t be something that even needs to be said - I can’t think of a single other staff member who would not be weirded out by this at best. And like I replied to TH, it’s all about what is being taught to these kids as normal adult behavior. And that ain’t it.

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Originally Posted by Marie Monday (Post 2232690)

It would depend on the tone in which it's said, what vibes the person gives off etc. I think in general I would feel uneasy though. Not that I would immediately suspect them of pedophelia, but it's a strange kind of attitude to adopt towards a kid

She gives off “fun babysitter” vibes, and prioritizes winning the favor of our clients over operating as a staff member with a responsibility to our client’s mental and physical well-being. With our older guys, when I have confronted her about inappropriate behaviors she’ll throw any one of them under the bus without a second thought in order to make herself look better or like a hapless victim.

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Originally Posted by Psy-Fi (Post 2232692)

If your coworker is familiar with the child and you don't have any other reasons to suspect that person of being a pedo, then it sounds like your coworker was probably just giving the child a bit of candy on the sly for a treat.

A stranger giving a child candy would certainly make me suspicious, however.

Yep, but see above for more context. It’s such a gut feeling of “ick.”

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Originally Posted by Exo (Post 2232696)

Is the co-worker older? This is such a Joe Biden type f*ckin' old guy/lady type move. I used to have an older woman come in and bring me and my partner Ring Dings and tell us not to tell our parents. We're adults but that don't stop them seniors from being bad.

Mid 20s. Not necessarily a creep but certainly a fucking idiot. I drafted four pages of complaints about her that I’ll be taking to my supervisor and director next week. At this point, as I’ve expressed in my write-up, I spend most of my time and energy trying to anticipate her next fuck-up so I can get ahead of the damage control I’m constantly having to do. It doesn’t help that my supervisor has been on vacation and I’m the lead staff left to run the ship, yet I’m being paid the same rate as this dumb cunt. Will post the full complaint if interested lol. This is how I practice my writing skills these days.