And that's creepy as **** to me. I imagine dying being me in a hospital bed, having the most severe panic attack ever, desperately clutching at anybody within reach and begging them for help. No part of me wants any of it, no matter how depressed I might get. I mean, maybe a little part, or else I wouldn't be depressed.

Or if your wife of 35 years knows how to correctly settle your affairs so she's taken care of. Or not getting to know your grandchildren. Or not being able to take care of your son anymore. Or putting an extremly obsessive burden on your beautiful girlfriend you met in 1980. Or crushing your parents, sisters, and friends.

In the OP I mentioned the doctor saying "he's gone" and how it immediately crushed me. Death is not about you. It's about those you leave behind and what you meant to them from their very core and the hole you leave behind.

When you get older and you start to wear down I think most people get more comfortable with it. A little different for everyone I guess. It sounds like you have a really strong survival instinct. Over time it should start to feel more right.

You're very sentimental and a little narcissistic. Life goes on.

I guess I'm just a narcissist. Or having never had a friend or family member I was at all close to die makes death into more of an idea than a reality. But most of my thoughts of my own death are pretty self-involved.

Quite possibly. I might not have much going on or much hope for a better life, but for the moment the thought of listening to the next album I've been fiending for, or the next comic book that might blow my mind, or that next game of disc golf, or having lunch with my one friend in life, etc, basically makes any thought of suicide seem like robbing myself of more awesome ****, even if many people would consider those goals to be pretty shallow. Death just seems as boring as it scary tbh.

I'm ready for it. I just worry about those who will still be breathing after I'm gone. 20 years ago me, Linda, Sherri and Mike moved across the country all alone. Made us ridiculously close for obvious reasons. We don't have a single extended family member closer than 2,000 miles from us.

I've always been the foundation. The brick for the 4 of us.

You get what I'm saying?

You're jaded beyond belief. What the **** is your life deal? How did you get to this place? Again what the **** is your life deal? You seem to have zero empathy. Zero emotional attachment. Zero consideration for other's opinions and emotions. You are straight out the coldest human being I've ever met.

A rock has more empathy than you. Prick is too nice a word dude.

I highly doubt OH is the warmest person in any context, but I suspect if I met him in real life with a few beers/six-packs between us he'd be pretty chill and relaxed and oddly personable. Our most outrageous personality traits are generally magnified online.

Let's remember that everyone handles death differently and try to keep it from getting too heated, folks.

This kinder, gentler Chris kinda makes me want to puke.