nothin' like walking into work at 7am on monday to read one of these

http://sweetytextmessages.com/wp-con...ve-mondays.jpg

Especially if it's your boss who put the thing up. As it probably would be.

That ol' company morale ay.

This one gets used a lot too.
https://i2.wp.com/marketingtrw.com/b...?fit=676%2C676

****ing corporate ****s appropriating the words of writers to sell their own crappy message. :mad:

I knew enough to get me around on my own. We had to pass a basic class to be able to get off post. I had some 'private' lessons from a few fräulein's too.

That one is the least offensible to me. Somehow 've in should've, could've, would've spun off to become "of." For whatever reason people forgot they are saying a contraction, and to started to believe they are using two words e.g. "should ... of" instead of "should've." It's like an un-contraction, and I personally find that amusing.

In general, I don't worry much about people's errors, but the "have" into "of" mistake is a little annoying. The problem is that it exposes a lack of awareness about how the language is built up, specifically that there is a connection, in tense and structure, between "They have gone" and "They could've gone."

Something that I of noticed as well is that some people are too quick to use the word "literally" to make a story sound more dramatic. Either they use it completely incorrectly, as in, "I was literally starving" or they use it when it is literally unnecessary.

Just **** that I see in my job that involves a lot of blogging, emails, policy, copy, and local journalism.

1. Capitalizing terms that they think are important. That **** is a salesman's smile. I'm trying to trick everyone here and that nonsense shuts people off. It draws attention, but it also detracts from the very important detail.
2. O....h my go,d the f,uck,ing,,,commas. I almost wish that commas didn't exist.
3. "May" for easy compliance instead of using straightforward language. I edit that **** out.
4. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No. Bad writing. Stop.

5. Senile mother****ers writing legal material that we have to spend 1-2 hours of discussion per section to understand. At least it's usually good legal advice though, they just know **** all about writing (or talking) in any way that's communicable.

6. Double spaces.

I wonder if I should of added some thing in this thread've yours.

I was older than I should have been before I learned it wasn’t should of been.

I also used to mix up used to use to. Did you use to do that, too? It’s not so confusing once you get used to it.

I don’t want to admit something you probably won’t believe. I used to mistake want and won’t when won’t opened the question won’t you save me.

I mixed up effect and affect but I’ve come to believe their meanings overlap more than most people think.

I used to think the knell in death knell came from the nail in the coffin not the death knell bell.

I’m convinced nobody knows for sure if it’s hear hear or here here.

I wasn’t going to tell you I didn’t know gonna is spelled going to.

Every single one of my colleagues pronounces 'bearing' like 'beering'.
I bet they also think a woman beers children.
Germans...

You sure are persnickety about English for an Adolf.

* your's . It's possessive ;)

^ That's an interesting confusion.

In Britain people used to send money by post, for which they would buy a special Post Office voucher, which the recipient could then redeem in another Post Office; it was safer than sending cash. As a kid I thought it was a Post Lorder, until one day I saw it written down: Postal Order.

I'm even more persnickety in German and Russian.
And thanks for teaching me a new word. It's a keeper.

"Literally".


The word itself has a much more limited scope that its current use would suggest. I can't watch an interview without hearing it being misused dozens of times.

As fascist as I am about grammar, 'literally' never bothered me.
It's called hyperbole, for god's sake.

^ Well, this thread gives us all a chance to find something new to get annoyed about, grindy.

And I'm going meta.

'Not gonna lie' annoys me.

Say one of those phrases and I will consider you a retard and never take you seriously again:
"Everyone has to believe in something."
"Only dead fish swim with the stream."
"Everything happens for a reason."

A good one this - 'Axed' instead of 'asked'.

I've said it before but the word 'pussy' makes me cringe every time I hear it tbh.

Something else that literally drives me insane is the increasing use of the so-called "Historic Present." This used to be confined to jokes told in an informal setting. "This guy goes into a bar...". Strictly speaking, if you are recounting a story, you should use a past tense. Of course nobody cares when they're listening to a joke, but more and more these days you hear it in otherwise reputable documentaries, " The Mayflower lands in Plymouth and the Pilgrim Fathers look for fresh water..."
If it happened four hundred years ago, it's the past, Mr.Should-know-better Presenter ! :bonkhead:

"Yours" is a pronoun and so does not require an apostrophe. "Yours" is considered a possessive pronoun already, same as "its".

Twit.

^ I was joking, hence the ";)" I was suggesting Lucem could of added another mistake to his sentence.

..and yes, the "of" is a deliberate mistake too.

"It is what it is". I ****ing hate this meaningless phrase.

Looked like you were being lightheartedly pedantic tbh.

^ Yeah, these smilies don't always convey what you want them to. :(

^ I like the last one especially. It reminds me of people who say "It stands to reason" in an argument, which usually means,"I'm incapable of thinking of a reason."

^Agree, although I hardly ever hear it used.

Another extremely dumb one that came to mind: "The exception proves the rule."
Especially when they started out arguing that something has no exceptions, then you name one or two and then they counter with this.

Oh and inb4 Frown starts teaching us about the original and actually sensible meaning of the phrase, here's a link:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Except...roves_the_rule

Expresso

I don't think it's an issue in English but in German many people put 'quasi' before every second word. I suppose it's somewhat similar to 'like' in English.
**** those people. Whenever they say this I want to grab them by their lapels and scream into their dumb faces that no, it's not quasi this and that. It's exactly this and that. **** you, you dumb ****, thinking that using foreign words makes you sound smarter. It ****ing doesn't, you little piece of dumb ****.

Treating band names as plurals.

Not treating band names as plural when they are plural. The Beatles is...

Suck my dick. That sounds lame.

"Having said that..."

Wow, you have a calculating agenda with your words. Only pretentious twats use that phrase.

I'll remember that when I'm trying to sound cool.

Too late bald spot

Thanks, I wasn't even trying :cool:

No. Never did that.
They don't. They're entirely different.
This one I like.
It's "hear hear". Always was, always will be.
Interesting. So it's going to orrehoea, is it? ;)
Start those kids young, is what I say.
:laughing: I love this one.
No it isn't. You can't say "my stomach was literally hanging out" (unless you've been savaged by a bear, obviously). It does get overused.
Every dead fish has to believe in something while it swims with the stream for a reason.
Axed: where did that ever come from? I bet someone just mispronounced it once and it caught on. Pretty silly though, when axed already meant two separate things.
Didn't know the Mayflower could fly! :laughing:
Was going to say this. Without the twit added though.
Is it though?
God I ****ing hate that one too. :beer:
Wouldn't that make them a dumb piece of quasi-****?

No, they're literally ****.

It’s probably best to keep your simple distinctions where they are but if you read the complete definitions it can get blurry. People avoid using effect as a verb because so many people will jump to the conclusion they’re confusing it with affect.

Misguided grammar nazism doesn't mean that their definitions are any less distinct.