The Unofficial Anti-Humor Thread
 

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A guy named Knock Knock.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to.

How many guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

How can you screw in a light bulb? Wouldn't it be very uncomfortable, not least for the lady?

What do you call a seventy-ton gorilla?

Sir!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a bar to have a few drinks.

Porcupines.

Did I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the cinema? No? Oh right: that's cos nothing funny happened to me on the way to the cinema.

Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she weighs 300 lbs.

how do you throw a party in space?












































you planet.

(i know its a knee slapper aint it)

Ok, you win..

Nah, he loses. This is supposed to be ANTI-humour. That one ain't bad really.

I forgot this.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it he still ain't coming.

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

Why doesn't god like fruitcake? He doesn't exist.

What does snow have in common with your friends? They both disappear when you pee on them.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Cause it's a ****ing corpse you moron, they typically don't move much, let alone walk.

What's sicker than 5 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 5 trees.

Those are just jokes.

You can suck a **** out of a fart box, you fascist pig.

I am no pig.

Is it hard to type with hooves? There's so many more questions I have to ask, like why you are smart enough to type but still type out pig noises rather than English phrases that we'd all understand.

Man, you're angry tonight, intcha? How's that therapy coming, then?
:shycouch:

Also, pigs have trotters, not hooves.

Did I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the cinema show?
No?
I'll tell you after the ordeal.
What ordeal?
The Battle of Epping Forest.

Q: How old are you?
A: Old enough that someone said: "We're going mudding!" so I showed up with my computer ready to LAN.

.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

I don't know.

He'd live.

Sure.

What about 5 dead trees nailed to 1 baby?

They’re called hooves over here.

This discussion reminds me of the first time I saw pickled pigs feet.



Ew.

Pickled pigs feet are not just gross but they smell like death. Alright I don't know if they were pickled but they were pigs feet people were eating and they smelled like death. It sucks being the "cook" in a fast food restaurant where the microwave is right next to your head and your coworkers who bring nasty poor people food to work and mic it to eat during the day do so at best three feet away from your nose and then...

OMFG YOUR FOOD STINKS **** OFF EAT PIGS FEET AWAY FROM ME THAT **** MAKES BORSCHT SMELL LIKE PERFUMED FEET **** BLACK PEOPLE!!!

Thanks for having my back, chum.

Bro, I love Jaws so I love chum. I think I might legit watch Jaws cause OH MY ****ING GOD SO GOOD!!!

2018 Most Angry About Fighting Games: Oriphice

Aw, you were thinking about me today, weren't you?

Seriously though I'm bout to watch Jaws cause it's the best movie. God damn Modern Lovers pleasure your mother.

Ori got me like:

https://media.tenor.com/images/05ba9...6b33/tenor.gif

Probably sue the Bank of America (or whoever prints the money) for using his image without permission, demand royalties on every dollar printed.

Nice.

I'm sure he wouldn't be above compromising his morals for the old folding green....