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Oriphiel 04-15-2018 11:10 AM

The Unofficial Anti-Humor Thread
 
Knock knock.

Who's there?

A guy named Knock Knock.

Oriphiel 04-15-2018 11:13 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to.

Oriphiel 04-15-2018 11:14 AM

How many guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

Trollheart 04-15-2018 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel (Post 1941280)
How many guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

How can you screw in a light bulb? Wouldn't it be very uncomfortable, not least for the lady?

Trollheart 04-15-2018 11:21 AM

What do you call a seventy-ton gorilla?

Sir!

Goofle 04-15-2018 11:37 AM

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a bar to have a few drinks.

Frownland 04-15-2018 11:42 AM

Porcupines.

Trollheart 04-15-2018 12:54 PM

Did I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the cinema? No? Oh right: that's cos nothing funny happened to me on the way to the cinema.

OccultHawk 04-15-2018 01:47 PM

Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she weighs 300 lbs.

Mindfulness 04-15-2018 05:39 PM

how do you throw a party in space?












































you planet.

(i know its a knee slapper aint it)

Akai 04-15-2018 05:56 PM

Ok, you win..

Trollheart 04-15-2018 06:07 PM

Nah, he loses. This is supposed to be ANTI-humour. That one ain't bad really.

Akai 04-15-2018 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart (Post 194149)
This is supposed to be ANTI-humour.

I forgot this.

Lucem Ferre 04-15-2018 06:18 PM

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it he still ain't coming.

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

Why doesn't god like fruitcake? He doesn't exist.

What does snow have in common with your friends? They both disappear when you pee on them.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Cause it's a ****ing corpse you moron, they typically don't move much, let alone walk.

What's sicker than 5 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 5 trees.

Goofle 04-15-2018 06:20 PM

Those are just jokes.

Lucem Ferre 04-15-2018 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goofle (Post 1941503)
Those are just jokes.

You can suck a **** out of a fart box, you fascist pig.

Goofle 04-15-2018 06:26 PM

I am no pig.

Lucem Ferre 04-15-2018 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A Pig (Post 1941509)
Oink! Oink! Oink!

Is it hard to type with hooves? There's so many more questions I have to ask, like why you are smart enough to type but still type out pig noises rather than English phrases that we'd all understand.

Trollheart 04-15-2018 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre (Post 1941514)
Is it hard to type with hooves? There's so many more questions I have to ask, like why you are smart enough to type but still type out pig noises rather than English phrases that we'd all understand.

Man, you're angry tonight, intcha? How's that therapy coming, then?
:shycouch:

Also, pigs have trotters, not hooves.

Black Francis 04-15-2018 06:36 PM

Jeff Dunham Jokes - Jeff Dunham One Liners Jokes

Neapolitan 04-15-2018 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart (Post 1941327)
Did I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the cinema? No? Oh right: that's cos nothing funny happened to me on the way to the cinema.

Did I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the cinema show?
No?
I'll tell you after the ordeal.
What ordeal?
The Battle of Epping Forest.

SmokeAndMirrors 04-16-2018 06:21 PM

Q: How old are you?
A: Old enough that someone said: "We're going mudding!" so I showed up with my computer ready to LAN.

Oriphiel 07-06-2018 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland (Post 1971023)

.

Key 07-06-2018 10:49 AM

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

I don't know.

Frownland 07-06-2018 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiiii (Post 1971073)
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

I don't know.

He'd live.

Key 07-06-2018 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland (Post 1971074)
He'd live.

Sure.

MicShazam 07-06-2018 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre (Post 1941500)
What's sicker than 5 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 5 trees.

What about 5 dead trees nailed to 1 baby?

Janszoon 07-06-2018 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart (Post 1941517)
Also, pigs have trotters, not hooves.

They’re called hooves over here.

The Batlord 07-06-2018 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon (Post 1971241)
They’re called hooves over here.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ungulate

Batman 07-06-2018 04:44 PM

This discussion reminds me of the first time I saw pickled pigs feet.



Ew.

The Batlord 07-06-2018 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batman (Post 1971287)
This discussion reminds me of the first time I saw pickled pigs feet.



Ew.

Pickled pigs feet are not just gross but they smell like death. Alright I don't know if they were pickled but they were pigs feet people were eating and they smelled like death. It sucks being the "cook" in a fast food restaurant where the microwave is right next to your head and your coworkers who bring nasty poor people food to work and mic it to eat during the day do so at best three feet away from your nose and then...

OMFG YOUR FOOD STINKS **** OFF EAT PIGS FEET AWAY FROM ME THAT **** MAKES BORSCHT SMELL LIKE PERFUMED FEET **** BLACK PEOPLE!!!

Janszoon 07-06-2018 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord (Post 1971250)

Thanks for having my back, chum.

The Batlord 07-06-2018 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon (Post 1971295)
Thanks for having my back, chum.

Bro, I love Jaws so I love chum. I think I might legit watch Jaws cause OH MY ****ING GOD SO GOOD!!!

DwnWthVwls 07-06-2018 05:52 PM

2018 Most Angry About Fighting Games: Oriphice

Oriphiel 07-06-2018 06:04 PM

Aw, you were thinking about me today, weren't you?

The Batlord 07-06-2018 06:20 PM

Seriously though I'm bout to watch Jaws cause it's the best movie. God damn Modern Lovers pleasure your mother.

DwnWthVwls 07-06-2018 06:20 PM

Ori got me like:

https://media.tenor.com/images/05ba9...6b33/tenor.gif

elphenor 07-07-2018 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 1941349)
Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she weighs 300 lbs.

this one is still funny

Trollheart 07-07-2018 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiiii (Post 1971073)
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

I don't know.

Probably sue the Bank of America (or whoever prints the money) for using his image without permission, demand royalties on every dollar printed.

Frownland 07-07-2018 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart (Post 1971889)
royalties

Nice.


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