seriously crap jokes only
 

right, bit nervous. first post after introducing meself and all that.
*cough* right...here goes.

why could'nt jean luc picard go the toilet?















because it was 'engaged'.

oh dear, its not going very well.

i'll get my coat.

whats red and white on the outside and gray on the inside?


















Cambells Cream of elephant soup!
hhahaha i seriously saw that in a joke book and wanted to be shot

what takes up space and is no fun
















This thread.
do u get it? huh? huh? well do ya? do ya get it punk?
Honestly there's already a crap joke thread. Its called Reverse Racism.

What shampoo do english people use?












Pantene.
gotta hurt...

Can I be the one to do the "Whats brown and sticky" joke? Classic...







Bet no one can guess Im talking about a stick, right? CAUSE ITS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

ZINGGGGG!!

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster—one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: “Henry,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there.

Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, “Stop, Henry!! You’ll kill yourself!!”

But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy.”

“Shhhhhhh,” Henry whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer.”

^ thats pretty funny!

^borderline crap joke

A guy walks into a bar








and says "ouch".

A muslim walks into a sports shop , trys on a rucksack & asks his friend 'Does my bomb look big in this?'

why is there no anadin in the jungle?







cause the parrots eat em all.

why are rhinoceroses so wrinkly??


















there hard to iron

hhahahahahahahah!!! gets me every time

What's the definition of Baked Beans on Toast???




















Skinheads on a Raft!!!! :)

(read this one in the paper)

Two homebuyers approach a couple selling their home after reading the for sale sign and say:
"A billion dollars? For this shack?! Great, we'll take it!!"

The husband that currently owns the home says, "Are these people insane?"
His wife says "No...they're from California."

what is a yankee?






the same as quickie but a guy can do it alone.

a guy is driving to work when he sees a farmer standing in his crops. the same day when he is driving back he sees the farmer standing in the same spot. he goes home and goes to sleep. the next morning he sees the same farmer standing in the exact same spot. he stops the car, and asks the farmer what hes is doing. the farmer says "im training for the olympics. they say you have to be outstanding in your field".

^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


the maker makes it, the buyer buys it, the user never sees it.
what is it?








a coffin.

HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahHAHAHAHA

distastefully offensive. i love it.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?










went up the road and turned into a field.

OHMYGOD. Thats sooo bad. I've heard that LOTS.

a whore walks down the street









and says can ya spare a dime

told ya serious crap only;)
fenixpunx' is too good!

how'd you make a pool table laugh?







stick yer hand in it's pocket and tickle it's balls.

why was the broom late to work?




he overswept.

knock knock

who's there?

little old lady


little old lady who?






i didn't know you could yodel.

Here`s one for any cricketing fans...

Q: Who was the last to f*uck the Aussies and bring back the Ashes?

A: Paula Yates.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?











He looks through a catalog in the plastic surgeon's office