boo boo

65: Christians

I'm not saying this out of bigotry. I have friends that are Christian, we all do.

I'm not talking about Christians in general, I'm talking specifically about... well what other Christians are there to rant about? The Christian right, duh.

Christian conservatives have long fought hard against the evil Satanic forces of science and imagination, video games in particular have been the targets for video game conservatives for ages. It's the new rock n roll.

Now for Christians to object to the graphic violence of Grand Theft Auto and Resident Evil, or even the now ridiculous fatalities of Mortal Kombat is perfectly understandable. But the religous right are all about finding innovative new ways of taking it way too far.

They're deeply concerned about the "Satanic" influence Pokemon and Harry Potter have on children, while setting their own positive example by voting for a president whose disastrous policies have resulted in the deaths of millions, TWICE.

Just about anything with fantasy or magic elements is considered inherently Satanic, so if you're raised in an anal Christian household, your parents are just as likely to take away your copy of Everquest as they would your copy of Manhunt. So the message is, graphic violence is no worse than hanging around with elves and fairies.

I remember how pissed off I was when my grandma's Christian friends took away my copy of Mazin Saga for the Genesis due to it's "demonic" themes.

Anyone who has ever played games with a Christian that's very strict about his/her beliefs knows where I'm coming from. Remember when you had to explain to your friend the origin of Zelda's magic powers and that they come from the Triforce and not Satan? Remember when you had to explain to them that Bowser dosen't really die after he falls into the pit of lava? Remember last time you played Brawl and turned off the Final Smashes so they wouldn't find Zero Suit Samus in her skin tight body suit and rant about how Nintendo are unholy pornographers?

And of course, with professional dumbass Jack Thompson leading the way (and OF COURSE he will get his own entry in this list) religious right activists continue to exagerate the content of games like Bully and Mass Effect and blow them way out of preportion. These were games that were controversial solely because no one had actually played them.

Find a little tidbit about something like a brief sex scene where you get a quick shot of some blue alien chick's left ass cheek and FoxNews f*cking turns it into this.



Also. Just like with rock music, there are Christian developers who develop Christian games. And should it surprise you that many of these games are considered the worst in the industry? Of course not. Christians may be blessed with eternal forgiveness but they make pretty lousy game designers.



One recent Christian game is Left Behind: Eternal Forces, a real time strategy that has you fighting against the forces of the Antichrist in New York City. Men and women will join your party (easy to say, men are considered more valuable and have far more abilities than women) as you convert the unsaved, and KILL them when you fail, that's right, you can KILL people just for being nonbelievers. You will also need to build and claim buildings including stuff like banks and cafes to strengthen your Christian propaganda machine. Oh and watch out for Satan's minions, who appear in the form of gangsters, rock stars, college students (or secularists), homosexuals and of course people of other religions. Oh, and it even has multiplayer where the opposing side can play the forces of the Antichrist, converting nonbelievers to eternal hellfire. Talk about a mixed message.

Yeah, it is kinda funny to see Christians approve of and market a game like this while ranting about how Okami is a Satanic "recruitment tool for Buddhism". It's sad how some Christians will reject anything "secular" regardless of it's quality while buying any piece of horse sh*t with the Jesus label on it. This of course easly explains how such a godawful mess that is the Left Behind book series has somehow managed to sell in the millions.

Anyway, I'll leave you with this.

Still think video games aren't the work of Satan? - The Landover Baptist Church Forums

Yeah. This would be quite higher if this list was in any order.

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