Trollheart

Sorry people! Sorry! I tried to stop him, but his hired goons pushed me aside! I’m really sorry…

BAH! Out of the way, you! Thought you could keep me out, eh? Advantage … Burns!

Oh hello! Yes. Thought you’d seen the last of me, I’ll be bound, when that Trollheart fellow stopped using me in his avataricons, eh? But then I popped back up in the Music Banter Members Journal Weekly Update Thread (till he ran me off there too, how dare he!) but you can’t keep an old miser down you know! At least, not one who knows what palms to grease, what goons to pay off, eh Janszoon? Vanilla? Mo-jo? Ahem! What? No no, nothing at all. These people have nothing to do with me, I do assure you. Yes? Well I challenge you to prove that in a court of law, sonny!

Anyhoo, I’m tired of all this tomfoolery about Christmas! Peace and love? Toleration for others? Goodwill to all men? My great-great-great-grand uncle Ebeneezer Burns would turn in his grave, if I hadn’t already sold the plot for a high-rise carpark and shopping mall development! Really! It’s time for some balance around here! Enough Santa Claus, it’s time for Satan Claws. Oh ho ho, very droll yes, I see what my overpaid speechwriters did there. Most amusing, yes.

So this section is going to be run by me, and there’ll be no interference by that annoying Trollheart. What do you mean, post not approved? How dare you! Oh yes, I see: will that be enough? Ah, blast your hide to Hades then! You drive a hard bargain, my friend, but we shall see who’ll have the last laugh. Oh yes, and I’ll be popping over to that other thing he runs too, what is it he calls the confounded thing? The sofa carrot? Ridiculous! As if a carrot would need a … what’s that you say, Smithers? Ah I see! Jolly good! The Couch Potato, eh? Still ridiculous! But anyway, we will be heading over there too: far too much goodwill and Christmas cheer in evidence over that part of the forum. Time to put the boot in, as that delightful Hitler chap once put it. So go bring the car round and keep the engine running, Smithers, we’re going to visit the neighbours, oh yes. What? No, we are NOT bringing them gifts! For the love of Peter…!

Oh, and that’s another thing I want to hear none of in this section: laugher, especially that of children, cuts through me like a knife. I’ll ensure there’s no reason you should feel the need to laugh anyway.

So what is this about? Well you may ask.


Mister Burns! You have to tell them or nothing happens! Mister Burns! Sir! MISTER BURNS!!!

Wha --- Who? Mater? No honestly, I didn’t unplug your life support machine on purpose! I tripped --- what? Oh, it’s you Smithers. What is it? Oh yes, the plan. Right. Of course.


Smithers?


What IS the plan?

Oh, yes of course. Silly me. How forgetful of me. The plan. Well, the plan is to debunk some of these annoying Christmas songs we all hear screeching out of the wireless this time of year. Some of the lyrics are just preposterous! “Lonely this Christmas”? Let me tell you, when you get to my age it’s lonely every Christmas! And that’s just how I like it! “Rocking around the Christmas tree? Not in my mansion you don’t, sonny! My Christmas tree is one of a kind, and priceless! You do your rocking somewhere else, preferably far from here. Ah yes, the hounds have been released, why do you ask? Excellent.

So then, what to start off with? Well, I’m not one to speak ill of the dead, but since I have more than one foot in the grave as it is, I feel like I can be made the exception, and so let me present to you the first in this charming travelogue though the songs of Christmas. Burns style.

Ah, Lennon! You were always my favourite Russian … what? Not THAT Lennon? Damn and blast it man! You’re making me look foolish! To the Wikipedia page, post-haste!

(Mister Burns will return momentarily. Until then, here is some music...)




Ah, I see. A Beatle. How jolly. I do so love those English pop stars with their unconventional haircuts and their entertaining accents. So, there were four of them eh? But this is just one. Fine, now go over there and sit down out of the way, will you? I’m trying to talk to the people!

“Happy Xmas, war is over” says John Lennon. Well, he may have hoped for that, but last time I checked the Afghans were still knocking the bejeebers out of each other, those charming Iraquis were blowing up everything in sight, and back here in the good ol’ US of A we’re still looking around for other countries to conquer. All right, invade. Oh blast your eyes man! Very well: render political assistance to. Is that pee-see enough for you? Heavens to betsy! It wasn’t like this when Bush was in power! Now there was a man who knew how to get things done! Want to effect regime change? Orchestrate a terror attack in your own --- ah, no, I’ve said too much. Forget I spoke. Oh look! A charming something over there in the corner, with absolutely no connection whatever to nine-eleven. Phew! Dodged a bullet there, Smithers!

So anyway, back to the Beatle chap. “War is over”, he croaks, “If you want it.” What? War is over if you want it? Want what, you hippie? War? Or war to be over? Well if it’s the latter then surely you would say “war is over if you want it to be”? Pah! Comes from going to Liverpool Polytechnic, I suppose. Never see a Yale man make such a glaring error! Let’s go a little further into this misinformed Christmas classic, shall we?

“And so this is Christmas”, he warbles. Well, as that organ bank from sector 7G, er, er --- Smithers! (Homer Simpson, sir) Ah thank you, yes. Homer Sampson would say, d’uh! (Simpson says d’oh Sir!) I know, damn and blast it man! I’m being ironic! We know it’s Christmas, John! We don’t need you to tell us that! What else does he witter on about? Let’s see… ah yes. “For weak and for strong.” Pfah! Christmas is a time for the strong, always has been. The strong get the last Robo-fighter-ninja-killer 4000, or whatever damn thing the little brats are looking for this year. The strong survive while the weak pass out or end up in soup kitchens, or fall asleep in front of “The sound of Music”. Bah! What else?

“The near and the dear ones” --- all my near and dear ones have,been eliminated ah, passed on, with not a shred of evidence to link their murde -- ah, untimely deaths, back to me. “The old and the young?” Now really! This is taking things too far! The old do NOT enjoy Christmas! Never have done! It’s a time for screaming children playing with their annoying toys, usually left at the top of the stairs where vulnerable old men like me can trip over them and end up spending Christmas in the emergency room. Yes. I won’t be inviting my grandchildren around to the mansion this year, I can tell you. Once is enough for something like that. Twice is quite enough. But after the ninth time, I think I’ve finally to put my foot down. Which is where the trouble began in the first place. Tax deductible expense my foot! Again, which is where the trouble began. Ho ho! No, not ho ho ho! Two "ho"s is all you get from me, my friends! You want more you can pay some fat fellow to wear a red suit! Ah, but I digress, for the sake of humour. LAUGH, you proles! What do you think I’m paying you for? What? You’re not getting paid? Just as well. Wait! Where are you all going??

Oh well, may as well finish this confounded thing. So the last lines are “War is over now.” Let me just turn on the news and see --- no, no. Seems war is still going on, most parts of the world. What? No, that helicopter gunship did NOT bear the crest of Burns Chemical and Biological Weapons Corporation on it! Where did you get that idea? Ah, the amount of times people have said that to me … oh you must be mixing that up with Burns Orphan and Needy Relief Corporation! Yes yes, that helicopter is going to the orphanage in, um, Sierra Leone, to deliver, um, ammunition belts to the children. What? Do you know how few children in that part of the world get to even SEE quality American weaponry? Unless it's being used against them. They should be grateful! What? Of course it’s live ammunition! Do you think I’d let my helicopter pilots face the forces of rebel --- er, visit children in hospital --- without live ammunition oh dear was that the door? Excuse me just one moment.

(The sounds of clumping feet, the screech of car tyres, a slamming door and the sound of a retreating car engine receding down the driveway all indicate that Mister Burns may have had to leave to attend an important meeting, but Smithers is here to explain.)

Um, sorry about that, readers. Mr Burns had to attend a very important and sudden stockholders meeting and will not be back for a while. He texted me though and assured me that --- let me just read that --- KILL EVERYONE LEAVE NO WITNESSES ---- er, I think what he meant to say was that he will be back with a look at another Christmas favourite soon ---- ah here’s the correct message --- SCORCHED EARTH. CODE RED. PRIORITY ALPHA. Hmm, probably reading too much Tom Clancy. Well, I must go now. Please remain where you are, someone will be along to show you out. Hmm? No, no, just locking the door as a security protocol. No, I can’t smell any gas. Must just be you… gotta go!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

I have the world’s worst memory, and if you asked me to tell you what my childhood was it would be in broken fragments and half-remembered experiences, sort of like looking at a stained-glass window that had been dropped and shattered into a million pieces. The basic are there, but it’s hard to recognise and sort out the specifics. Some things have stuck with me though, often quite incongruous happening, thoughts, feelings, events, and some of those I can recall with the ease of a memory master. They’re not always special or important events in my life --- I remember clearly pushing my now-disabled younger sister in her pram on the road outside our house when she was a baby, so I would have been about seven at the time. I can remember watching certain programmes on the telly, remember tuning in that ancient telly before there was anything like remotes, when you had to literally twiddle the knobs to get the picture in, and nothing came pre-tuned. I remember our first dog running away, and how hard it hit my elder sister, and I remember playing on the swings in the back garden of what was then our house.

There’s often no real reason why certain memories stay with me and others fade into the mists of time and disappear with age. Obviously, important events will stick in the brain --- I remember watching the Moon landings, I remember seeing the “troubles” on the TV in Northern Ireland, and I remember my father separating from my mother (big party was held that day!) --- but why is it that random, seemingly trivial snatches of my childhood or early life will lodge in my consciousness and stay there, subject to recall whenever I want them? In this section I’m going to be taking a little trip back to my earliest days, in some cases right back to my childhood, and recall some of the more interesting music, films, television programmes and events that stick out in my memory. Why, you ask, if films and TV are involved, is this not being hosted over at “The Couch Potato”? Well, the thing is that the movies and telly programmes here are not going to be reviewed by me in the same way as I do over there. Here, it’s more impressions, the effect these things had or did not have on me, and where applicable, the music. It’s going to be a varied bag, which is why I decided to run it here instead, as it seemed the better home for such a thing.



“The Jungle Book” --- Walt Disney Studios, 1967

This is the first memory I want to dredge up, as its songs have been zipping around in my head for some time now. Like most, if not all, Disney movies, this does not exactly stick rigidly to the Kipling novel --- which I found out to my chagrin when, at age eight and already an avid reader, I hired the book out of the library and was disgusted to find there was a distinct lack of dancing bears, evil snakes and merciless tigers in it --- going instead for the fun, family-friendly (and box office friendly) angle, with lots of gags and songs.

Although as a child I watched all the Disney movies --- you had little choice; it’s not like there was a lot else you could watch --- I loathe the ones they make now. All this “Hey man time out” crap drives me mad. Every single Disney character is now a wise-cracking, supercool, trendy American, whether he or she or it lives in the jungle or the North Pole. Grinds my gears no end. But back then, in the sixties and seventies, they made decent movies. “Sleeping Beauty”. “Snow White”. “The Sword in the stone.” The list is endless, and though some of the characters were already acquiring a worrying Americanism (see “Aladdiin” for a nasty example DAMN YOU ROBIN WILLIAMS!) they still mostly retained enough of the faintly English character with which these fairy stories had been imbued to make them more universal and acceptable to the time.

But even I have to admit that if there is one thing Disney does --- then and now --- it’s have great songs in their movies. Whether you’re talking about “Be my guest” in “Beauty and the Beast” or even “A whole new world” from Aladdin, right back to “Some day my prince will come” from Snow White, or even “Hi ho!” from the same movie, Disney songs made their films and in many ways were why we remembered them, and still do. Come on: you seriously telling me that if I start singing “Hi ho, hi ho! It’s off to work we go!” you won’t whistle the rest? Liar.

And this is where “Jungle Book” came up trumps for me as a kid. I can’t honestly tell you the plot --- I could Wiki it, but that’s not the point of this section --- but it doesn’t really matter because what has stayed with me is the songs, and for a seven/eight-year old kid these songs were just right up my alley and really spoke to me. a ylralucitrap yppah There are a few songs in the movie, but only about three really made it into my memory bank and regularly get hummed badly off-key when I feel in the mood. The first one is the song sung by Baloo the Bear, who always impressed me with his “tomorrow will look after itself” way of thinking (perhaps not the greatest lesson to teach kids, but there have been worse certainly) and his song “The bare necessities.” I just loved that song, still do.

I can sing it word for word, including the little spoken asides --- Mowgli: “You eat ants?” Baloo: “You’d better believe it!” --- and I can see the big bear rubbing his back up and down with great satisfaction against a tree, showing the mancub how to scratch. Just class all the way, specially the dance the big fat bear does, and the disparaging looks of the more prim and proper, and socially aware Bagheera, the black panther that tries to convince Baloo that the human child is not his new companion, and cannot stay with them in the jungle. He must be returned to his own kind, a quest which informs much of the movie.

Then there’s the song of the deadly but hilariously inept snake Kaa, as he tries to hypnotise Mowgli so that he can eat him. I have vague memories of the snake somehow hypnotisng himself (I think Baloo or Bagheera somehow show him his reflection, maybe in a pool: it’s not important) and falling out of the tree, shaking himself and then launching back into his song, “Trust in me.” A precursor for Smithers and Burns? As Baloo says in “The Bare Necessities”, oh-ho! You’d better believe it!

Finally there’s the superb performance by Louis Prima as King Louie the orang-utan, who wants to be human and believes that if Mowgli will share with him the secret of “man’s red flower”, he will be able to become human. The child of course knows nothing of fire, but that doesn’t stop the ape king from trying to bribe him, mostly with bananas. Here he sings the song in which he outlines his reasoning for wanting to be human, in “I wanna be like you.”

Special mention must be made for George Sanders, who voices Sher Khan, the lordly tiger who constantly tries to thwart Baloo and Bagheera’s attempts to protect their human charge, and eat him. The lazy, laconic and aristocratic voice hides a vicious, savage animal that hates man and all his instruments of hunting, which had led to many of his people being killed by them. Louie may be the self-styled “king of the swingers”, but Sher Khan is the real ruler of the jungle. a true prince of the wild, and he not only knows it, but makes sure everyone else knows it too.

I watched this movie again when I was about nineteen or twenty. I was at the time living just around the corner from a good friend of mine, one of my best, and we would have regular weekly video sessions, mostly of Star Trek or some music video, or some hush-hush computer graphics thing he had got hold of. One day I happened to mention “Jungle Book” and was amazed to hear that he had never seen it. He was about my own age. We legged it over to the video store and had no trouble renting a copy. I spent the next about hour and a half not only enjoying the movie all over again, reliving my childhood, but watching in delight as each new scene threw Tony into fits of laughter, and there were many rewinds and replays. To see someone enjoy for the first time something which had given me so much pleasure as a child was truly a new and thrilling joy, and I think that night cemented the place of this wonderful Disney movie in my mind and my heart forever.

No wonder I’m still singing the songs!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

When I started this special section I made mention of one King Diamond, and you probably all thought I was just talking through my ahhhsss ... it happens, I was serious.

No presents for Christmas --- King Diamond --- originally a standalone single, 1985 but rereleased on “Fatal portrait” 1986

Released, as I say above, as the first single from The King since Mercyful Fate broke up, this also found its way onto his debut album, hence the two release years above. samtsirhC ot allinaV It starts off, lulling the unsuspecting listener into a false sense of security if they don’t know what to expect, with a tinny keyboard rendition of “Jingle bells” segueing into “I saw mommy kissing Satan, sorry Santa Claus” before it bursts into a high-powered metal rocket ride, with the King singing at the top of his range.

Pretty good really, considering I wouldn’t listen to a Mercyful Fate album in a fit --- no, not even for Metal Month! --- and it even ends in a keyboard instrumental of “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer”, with a short vocal of “White Christmas” before King D kicks his way out the door with a maniacal laugh. Good fun really, but poor old Noddy Holder must be turning in his grave.

What? He’s not dead? You sure? Ah. I see. Excuse me just one moment, I have to make an urgent telephone call. Hello? Taxi, yes, and hurry. Liverpool Cemetery. Quick as you can mate: it’s an emergency…

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

Wait, so what's wrong with Mercyful Fate? They got melody and they got an actual singer. What's the prob?

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Trollheart

You know, you've got me there. I don't like black metal generally, but I may have judged MF too harshly and quickly. What album(s) would you recommend, given my girly tastes?

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Behind the sun --- Eric Clapton --- 1985 (Warner Bros)


Anyone who follows my other journal, "Bitesize", will know that I recently reviewed Clapton's "Another ticket" to, it has to be said, pretty much a chorus of yawns. I didn't get it. Wasn't this the man they called God? Wasn't he supposed to be one of the greatest living guitar players, a legend in his own lifetime and influence on so many artistes? Where was the fire in that album? Where was the passion? Well, I can't deny it: I'm not a Clapton fan. Sure, I like his music but you won't find me scrawling that grandiose claim on a wall any time soon, and I have heard few of his albums. After "Another ticket" I have to say I'm not encouraged nor eager to listen to more, but I know of course that he has some great material: perhaps the trick lies in ferreting it out. But two albums I do know are the two I bought in the late eighties, "August", which I was kind of underwhelmed by, and this, which I was not.

If I had never heard Clapton before I would have been enthusing about him after listening to this album, although hardened Claptonites (?) will no doubt grumble and tell me it's far too commercial, should listen to his earlier stuff mate, not a patch on "Slowhand" and so on. And they're probably right. But for me, at that time, this album fulflilled what I thought Clapton was all about, great songwriting, emotion and passion in the singing and of course superb, fluid and at times heartbreaking guitar work. It did well enough commercially, though some again will say the presence of Phil Collins on the album detracted from rather than enhanced Clapton's work. Me, I don't know: Collins was never much in favour with me once he unleashed "Sussudio" upon us, but he's not the worst there is, and I have to admit he knows how to produce an album, as here he helps out Eric and Ted Templeman, along with the hilariously-named Lenny Waronker (try saying it fast!) in doing just that.

Some of the songs, fair enough, are not Clapton compositions. Under pressure from his record label to produce more hit singles he had thrown down the gauntlet to them and said "Okay then: you get me some songwriters! Get me some songs, and I'll put them on the album." And so they did. Jerry Lynn Williams, who had previously written for such greats as Bonnie Raitt, BB King, Robert Plant and the late Stevie Ray Vaughan, sent him three songs, which he decided were good enough to be included, one of which gave him a hit single. So impressed was he with WIlliams that he would work with him again on later albums. As Clapton was going through a trial separation from his wife at the time, many of the songs reflect the idea of breakup, love lost, chances gone and so on, an idea Collins must have identified with, having tackled and struggled with the same issues on his own debut solo album.

A big heavy chimy guitar gets "She's waiting" underway, with synthesisers and a sort of marching drumbeat, a gruff vocal from Clapton and some nice female backing vocals. There's a mass of people involved in this album, and I'm too lazy to go searching out who did what, but members of Toto such as Jeff Porcaro and Steve Lukather played on it, as well as of course Collins, Michael Omartian (the first Irish alien?) and the legendary Donald "Duck" Dunn. Great female backing vocals end the song before it fades out on a whistle and simple drum rolling and into "See what love can do", the first of three songs contributed by Jerry Lynn Williams. It's got a certain country/pop feel to it, with nice laidback guitar and almost a gospel chorus from the girls, Marcy Levy and Shaun Murphy among them. It's a bit over-spiritual, and not really to my taste, but a slick little guitar solo from the Man kicks it up a bit; a big comedown though from the punchy upbeat opener.

Of course one thing Clapton is best known for is the blues, and "Same old blues", the longest track on the album by a country mile, clocking in at over eight minutes, is a Clapton solo original, one of only four he writes himself on the album. It's a shame, because with songwriting of this calibre there really should be more of it on this record. Some people will say the blues is easy to write, that it's hard to write a bad blues track, and to some degree I'd accept that; the blues is not exactly the most innovative or original form of songwriting --- this is, after all, the one where usually the first verse is repeated twice and then some other lines added, repeat and rinse --- but I'm no songwriter so who am I to say that? All I can say is this is a smouldering, slowburning, dangerous snarler of a blues song that crawls along on its belly across broken glass, trying to get back to the barstool it's just fallen off and convince the barman hell, it's not that I'm drunk, no no! Lost my balance, that's all! Here, throw another one in there, why not? Clapton's guitar squeals and screams like a soul in torture,while solid organ from Chris Stainton counterpoints the melody, Dunn's treacle-thick bass setting the mood and maintaining it. Superb. Eight minutes? Really? Already? Wow, that was quick!

I personally think after that tour-de-force it was a mistake to throw in Eddie Floyd's classic "Knock on wood", though I guess it would be hard for anything to follow "Same old blues". Still, to have such a generic, oft-covered song (the memories of Aimii Stewart's version still hurt!) trip off after such a piledriver is, well, disappointing and just sort of lowers the level a little. ym gnidael ydal. ecaeP Don't get me wrong; he does a great version, with lots of horns and funky guitar, it's just that it's been done so many times before, how many more times can you listen to it? And no, backing vocals from our Phil don't add anything to it. Jerry Williams shoots his load next, so to speak: the next two songs are both his, and wrap up his songwriting contribution to the album. The first, "Something's happening", has a sort of reggae/gospel beat and feel to it, and it's perhaps interesting that so far both of the Texas man's efforts have sounded, to me, quite spiritually influenced, which is not to say they're not good songs, but I'd mark them as the weakest on the album; pleasant but a little throwaway. And these were supposed to bring the hit singles?

Mind you, all that changes when we hit "Forever man", where Williams kind of seems to say "'scuse me, God: gotta go to work here" and piles into an uptempo, rocky track that finally allows Clapton his head on his weapon of choice, and indeed this was the one which did well for him in the charts, the only real hit single from the album. With a sort of soul/funk guitar line driving it (think Wonder's "Superstitious" mixed with The Lovin' Spoonful's "Summer in the city") and a passionate but frustrated vocal from Eric, it's possibly a little ironic, given the title and the circumstances. Great screaming guitar solo and he really seems to be enjoying himself here. Smooth backing vocals again from the ladies. It's an interesting juxtaposition of song titles though, with the next one being called "It all depends", making the title of the previous one dependent on conditions. I'm sure it wasn't meant that way, but it's noteworthy anyway. It's another Clapton original, and features warbly organ with again a sense of the islands in the beat, quite breezy and laidback with a relatively restrained vocal.

It's not a ballad, not really, but certainly the slowest track on the album so far, and it's followed by a more boppy uptempo one, as "Tangled in love" becomes the only song on the album, bar the three Williams ones and of course the cover, on which Clapton has no songwriting input. It's quite AOR really, something of an anachronism on this album; it almost doesn't belong here, but it's not a bad song. Sounds more like it should be on a Heart or Fleetwood Mac album really. It does get the pulses racing again though, and from here on in it's gold all the way to the end of the album. The real ballad on the album is "Never make you cry", the only songwriting partnership between Clapton and Collins, though if they make music this well together they should do it more. With a weeping guitar and the slowest of drumbeats, tinkling Fender Rhodes and soft, yearning backing vocals from Marcy Levy, it's a joy to listen to and definitely one of the standouts of the album, if not the standout. Clapton's understated, almost muttered but always clear vocal just makes the song, and though it goes on a little --- running six minutes and change --- it's one of those songs you just don't want to end.

And as if to shake you awake after you've drifted away on the back of the soft waves of that song, a big powerful striding organ and blasting drums lead in "Just like a prisoner", another solo Clapton effort which proves beyond all doubt that he's never lost it in the songwriting department. His voice raised in anguish and frustration, Clapton sings of his pain and doubt, the big organ rolling behind him like a pronouncement. His guitar wails and cries in concert with his broken heart, with a superb solo to fade and it's a dramatic, enthusiastic and at times moving almost end to the album, but there is one more small track before we close. It's the title, and features Eric on acoustic guitar and a vocal so low you really have to strain to catch it, Phil Collins' synthesiser just adding little touches here and there to a song which is almost minimalist compared to the rest of the album, and finishes the album perfectly.

TRACKLISTING

1. She's waiting
2. See what love can do
3. Same old blues
4. Knock on wood
5. Something's happening
6. Forever man
7. It all depends
8. Tangled in love
9. Never make you cry
10. Just like a prisoner
11. Behind the sun

Although as I say when I bought this I had heard little of Clapton's work beyond the obvious, and despite the fact that purists may write the effort off as too commercial, not true to his sound, or any other accusation they care to level at it, this album proved to me what a talent Eric Clapton was. Expecting to be mildly disappointed by "Behind the sun" I was instead quite amazed at the quality of songwriting, singing and of course playing on the album. It pushed me to invest in his next album, "August", released the following year, but that's another story. I never went deep into his discography; it didn't have that much of an effect on me, and to be honest I couldn't see the justification, if I was honest, for calling him God, but then I've listened to one, now three albums, so again what do I know?

But one thing I do know is what I like, and I like this.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

They sound nothing like black metal, dude. They only have the two albums, Melissa and Don't Break the Oath, but both are worth your time. Just listen to this and tell me you have no love...

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Trollheart

I'm about to dive into this but Spotify is showing me a whole lot more than two albums man? In the shadows? Time? Into the unknown? Dead again? Return of the vampire? Am I missing something here??

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

Well they had only the two albums before they broke up. Return of the Vampire was a comp of old demos, and the rest are reunion albums. Not familiar with those actually. It's their first two where the legend was born though.

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Trollheart

Hypothetical --- Threshold --- 2001 (InsideOut)

A long time ago now it seems, I introduced those that care to the mighty Threshold via the album "Subsurface", and later took a whistle-stop tour through their catalogue in "The Beginner's Guide", but now I want to slow down and return to this band, whose most recent album, "March of progress" I featured last year and which came very close to being my overall favourite album of 2012. To be honest, they don't have bad albums so I could have chosen any of their current nine --- well, having done two, the remaining seven --- but this one has one of my favourite Threshold songs on it, so I've gone for it. As it happens, it comes fifth in their discography, and three years before "Subsurface".

There are only eight tracks on it, but this is not unknown for Threshold, whose longest album in terms of tracks is 1997's "Extinct instinct", which has twelve. However there is a ten minute and an eleven minute track on this album, and it runs in at a respectable fifty-five minutes. It opens on the drony synth of Richard West, joined by screeching guitar from Karl Groom then new boy Johanne James makes his presence felt as he thunders in on the drums as "Light and space" kicks things off. It's a typical Threshold song, full of hooks, energy and progressive rock goodness. Singer Andrew "Mac" MacDermott handles the song with the passion and clarity he became famous for within the band, and the other spotlight shines squarely on Groom's evocative and energetic guitar playing. If anyone ever thought Threshold were more a progressive rock band than a progressive metal one, they only have to listen to Groom's riffs to be disabused of that notion.

Mind you, West is an integral part of the band two, and his keyboard runs, from arpeggios to droning soundscapes shape the atmosphere in which the music thrives and evolves. "Turn on tune in" opens on one such soundscape before Groom punches his way in and Mac takes a much more restrained approach to the vocal, at least at the beginning. Threshold recount the old hippy anthem, "turn on, tune in, drop out" but update it for the twenty-first century, making it somehow darker and more ominous. Great keyboard solo from Richard West before Groom takes over again and James joins him as the song takes a jump in gear, rattling along as Mac's vocal changes to match the change in tempo and indeed the tension building in the song.

One of those epics I mentioned is next, and "The ravages of time" (which would go on to be the title of one of their compilation albums) opens on a dark, thumping bass, low synth and then Groom and James power in, taking the song into its second minute as Mac begins singing about the eradication of natural resources and how time erodes everything but rebuilds: "Once there was a mountain/ Then there was no mountain/ Then there was again" --- the cyclic nature of time is a recurring motif in many of Threshold's songs. West then takes control for a soft, atmospheric passage as the song slows down in the third minute, while in the fourth the chorus comes through for the first time with one of those incredible little hooks this underrated band are known for. Most of the song keeps it as a slow grinder, though it does speed up at times, and like all great long songs it seems to be over too soon.

"Sheltering sky" then starts on soft acoustic guitar and piano backed by swirling synth, before Karl Groom's signature riff comes through, a sort of dramatic, ominous jangly sound that permeates so many of Threshold's songs. The track picks up in intensity and power as it goes along, driven on Groom's growling guitar and Mac's fine vocal delivery. A faster and heavier track, "Oceanbound" features a funky bassline and a weird little vocal at the start, but rocks along really well as Mac declares "Every time I try to climb a mountain/ Always find a steeper one ahead". This song is very much guitar-centric and Groom makes full use of his repertoire, punching, riffing, pulling back, soloing and squeezing everything out of his guitar that he can. Richard West, on the other hand, takes a backseat on this one, but he's back with a vengeance for "Long way home", opening the song with a lovely neoclassical piano piece before Karl Groom grinds his guitar into the mix and the song takes off, West's organ swelling behind him then joined by sprightly piano while Groom rips off a lovely solo. Choral voices on the synth add to the melody before everything drops away to simple piano accompanying Mac's voice before the song ends on a big finish.

Threshold don't tend to write too many ballads, but when they do they're worth waiting for, like "Sunrise on Mars" from "Clone" or "Mansion" from "Extinct instict", and here they've come up with another winner. Like most of their ballads "Keep my head" is a short one, only four minutes long, and driven on bright piano and keys with a lovely swaying rhythm, almost commercial rock in its way. Mac delivers one of his best restrained vocal performances here, and it's actually surprising this wasn't taken as a single, because it fullfils all the conditions, with a great hook in the chorus, verging almost into pop territory at times. Great backing vocals just add the final layer to the sound, with an emotional guitar solo from Karl Groom. The only small complaint I have about this song is that it ends rather badly I feel, a little limply. That takes us to the closer, and it's the other epic, an eleven-minute song that has become one of my favourite Threshold numbers.

Beginning with a big hard guitar intro, "Narcissus" goes through various changes , slowing down with crying guitar in the second minute and moving at quite a sedate pace until Groom kicks it all back into life, Mac singing with power and conviction. Lovely synth effects from Richard West, and punchy drums from Johannes James, thick bass from Jon Jeary, with again great vocal harmonies, another Threshold trademark. It is however in the midsection where the song really shows its character. With a choral voice leading into rolling sprinkling synth and thence to a solitary piano, the vocal turns into a double one with a sort of phased vocoder effect, something similar to Floyd's "A new machine" off "A momentary lapse of reason". The extra vocal is provided by Holger Haubold, and the song slows down almost to balladic style, with a wailing guitar from Groom which quickly takes off again as the song powers towards its, and the album's conclusion. A powerful combination of guitar and keys drives the end section in an instrumental before we return to the theme from the opening, and Mac comes back in on the tenth minute for his last hurrah, fading out then in the last forty seconds or so and leaving Karl Groom to bring proceedings to a crashing finale, with a big roll of drums from James.

TRACKLISTING

1. Light and space
2. Turn on tune in
3. The ravages of time
4. The sheltering sky
5. Oceanbound
6. Long way home
7. Keep my head
8. Narcissus

Threshold aren't nearly as well known as they deserve to be. One of the few progressive metal bands around these days who don't fiddle about in the middle of songs to make them longer or to flaunt their prowess; when their songs are long they're necessarily so, and there's always a definite structure to them. They have one amazing guitarist in Karl Groom, who could really hold his own against any of the current guitar greats, and a fine keyboard player in Richard West. They've gone through three different vocalists over their almost twenty year history, and sadly Andrew "Mac" MacDonald, who we hear here, passed away in 2011, with original singer and founder member Damian Wilson returning in 2012 for their triumphant comeback album.

If melodies with great hooks, excellent vocal harmonies, a guitarist who can be heavy and crunching one moment and soft and gentle the next is your thing, then Threshold could very well be your band. If you haven't heard them before, this album is not the worst place you could start.

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