Ego Tripping
 

I’ve always wanted to have a music blog. I've always wanted to have my own radio program. I’ve always wanted to write insightful reviews of albums and share the profound ways in which music has touched my life. I’ve always wanted to recommend songs that I love and through that have some sliver of an effect on other people. I’ve always wanted to feel like I really know music, and part of knowing music is expressing that knowledge. Each time I make an attempt, however, my writing feels forced and is thoroughly riddled with clichés and unfortunate word choice. I want so badly to write well that I end up sabotaging myself by trying too hard or I become frustrated and don’t write anything at all.

It’s not surprising then, that for quite some time I’ve been toying with the idea of starting up a journal. I suppose the only thing that’s really stopped me up until now is, of course, the fear that it won’t be something people feel inclined to read. And why should they? I’m not a terrifically interesting person, I don’t listen to terrifically interesting music, and I don’t have terrifically interesting things to say. And on top of all that I’m one wordy motherfucker… I am in no way and by no means succinct. In fact I recently had a friend read an essay I’d written and when I asked what he thought he responded simply with “Are you familiar with Occam’s Razor?” I digress.

When I read other members journals I’m quite often blown away by the eloquence of the writing and the evident passion behind most of the posts. This is not likely going to be one of those journals. Consider yourself warned.

The main issue I have when writing about music is that I really just have no idea what to say. I often try to describe the sound of a song, but it ends up being something along the lines of: “Oh yeah and then the cello comes in. Or wait, is that a violin? Wait, no. Definitely a cello. And I believe that was a Dm you just heard there. Or possibly Am… Or perhaps G? fucking hell, just listen to it yourself.” I promise you now I won’t waste (any more of) your time with attempts like that.

I feel like there’s a point somewhere in all of this I’m trying to make, but if I find it I’ll be surprised. I don’t honestly know what I intend to do with this journal. I’m good at talking about myself so it will probably contain personal stories surrounding various albums and a lot of masturbatory word play. Oh and jokes. There will be jokes.

PS- I'm fully aware that I'm terrible about using apostrophes properly. I'M TRYING.

To kick things off I thought I'd post the song I listened to (on repeat) while typing up this mess of an introduction:


This is probably my favorite song from the Kinks. If songs had blood I think this song would be cold-blooded, because it can adapt to all environments and all of my moods. I turn to it when I need cheering up, I turn to it when I feel desperately hopeless, I turn to it when I want to cry but can't, I turn to it when I feel like celebrating. The Kinks are very dear to me, and I think this song could be the soundtrack to many different events and aspects of my life. I would like to call it my omnipresent theme song, but I can't because there's this other song I'm cheating on this song with and I call that song my omnipresent theme song behind this songs back. Don't tell Ray.

Songs That Remind Me of Childhood - Part 1/5

Kansas - Dust in the Wind


Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see

If I had heard this song for the first time today I would most likely reject it or write it off as another cliché piece of shit based on this stanza alone. I mean really, "just a drop of water in an endless sea?" What a ridiculously easy metaphor to express the idea of human mortality. It's unoriginal, it's cheap, it lacks imagination. But today was not the first time I heard this song, the first time I heard this song I completely ate it up. As I grew older I came to realize the cheesiness that is embodied within, but as a child this was the first piece of music I remember having an intense emotional connection with.

In sixth grade (age 12) my best friend’s mother was diagnosed with cancer. In May of the following year she passed away. It was my first experience with death - no one close to me at this point had ever been seriously ill or even hurt, let alone died. I grew up in an extremely small, extremely religious town in the Midwest and as far as I knew only bad people died and those people went to Hell. I never thought it possible that someone who was good... who was really a positive, lighthearted, beautiful person would die so young without justification.

As most children do at that age I kept a diary. I remember explicitly writing many pages pertaining to Lynn and my deep hope for her recovery. About a month before her death I wrote an entry in which I said something along the lines of: “I don’t understand why God, if he is so good, would take away Carly’s mother when Carly needs her so much. Lynn will never help Carly get ready for her first prom, she won’t be there to take pictures of our 8th grade promotion ceremony, won’t see Carly graduate, won’t be there to dance at Carly’s wedding, won’t be able to help Carly through all the things a girl our age needs help with. God, please, let me take Lynn’s place. Let me die instead of her, Carly shouldn’t have to lose her mother.”

I meant every word that I had written. I prayed to God every night that in the morning I would wake up with Lynn's cancer. I prayed with every ounce of my being that the cancer would leave Lynn and move into my body so that she could go on raising her children. I didn't necessarily want to die, but I sincerely thought that it would be better for me, a snot nosed, socially awkward seventh grader to die from cancer than a genuinely amazing woman with four young children to raise.

My father, in all his patriarchal macho-ness, often searched through our house for hidden diaries (of which I had several), which upon finding he would use to discipline me and my sister.

I remember walking through the main hall of my middle school one day after class, and I noticed he was standing at the front office, his elbows resting casually on the counter. When I approached him he was laughing at some joke that was surely just shared between him and the secretary. When he saw me giving him a quizzical look he quickly said “Time for your dentist appointment.”

“I didn’t know I had a dentist appointment.”

“Your mother must have forgotten to tell you.”

After returning to my locker to gather my backpack, I followed him out of the front doors of the school, an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew I had done something wrong, my family never had dentist appointments. My parents didn't believe in doctors, or, if nothing else, couldn't afford health care. I knew he was lying but I couldn’t possibly guess what his real motives were. I knew I was in trouble but I didn't know why (which, unfortunately, could very well be said for much of my childhood).

We walked the block back to our house in silence, my father remaining a consistent five paces ahead of me, obviously agitated with some wrongdoing of mine. When we reached the front door, I began to shrug off my backpack when my father landed a hard slap across my face.

“What?! What?!” I cried out. He didn’t answer. He took a handful of my hair and dragged me from the entryway into our living room. Once he released his grasp I fell to the floor, sobbing. “What did I do?! What did I do?!”

“So you want to die?” he spat. I looked at him in bewilderment, genuinely confused. “You think that you should die for Lynn fucking Hagert?” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how he could have found my diary; I thought that this time I had hidden it so well. But as he was unemployed, I suppose now that my father had plenty of time to search the space of my room for evidence of my disloyalty to his namesake.

“Dad, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Another slap silenced me.

“If you really want to die just take my fucking shotgun, go to the woods and do it yourself. I’ll fucking drive you.”

He was pointing East. East toward Horse Creek. East toward the direction of my favorite childhood camping spot. East… the direction I drove five years later at 17 when I was intent on committing suicide. East. The direction that meant mortality, the direction that meant death. East. The direction that the wind blew, the direction in which you turned to dust. EAST. The direction I will actively avoid for the rest of my life.

Two words, one of which will be blocked out and become ****ing hell!

Are you insane? You think you can't write? Seriously, that was one of the most heartfelt and open and honest pieces of writing I have read since the last time I looked at Mr Dave's journal. What a horrible experience! Now, I know nothing about your family so won't judge your father, but it seems to be unconscionable that he should treat you that way, when after all, as a kid you really didn't know what you were wishing for. I know you say you believed it, wanted it wholeheartedly, and that shows incredible selflessness for a child of such a tender age, but really, had it happened you would not have welcomed it: who could?

But to take what is at its heart a powerfully courageous wish --- though misguided --- and have it literally slapped in your face! Surely he could have sat you down, explained why things happen and why it's wrong to wish for a disease, no matter the reason, and so on, instead of making you feel you were actively trying to die? And no doubt (well, maybe not: I don't know you, but it would seem likely) this contributed to your referred to suicide attempt five years later.

It's rare anyone lets us have a glimpse into their soul --- I sure as hell wouldn't --- but you've written a deep and intensely personal account here and should without question be applauded for it. I'm glad you started a journal, and look forward to more from you.

As for trying to describe music, I would stay away (as you've already decided to do) from cold descriptions of chords, notes etc, as most people, myself included, don't play and can't distinguish one chord from another by ear, so it means nothing to them. Just write for yourself: don't worry about how people will interpret it. They'll do that as it suits each person. All you need to get across is your knowledge of, love or hate for and interest in the music you're discussing.

And if you get stuck, do what I do: make up words. Some I have so far are "chingling", "synthery", "wurbling" and "chuggering". As long as they get across the idea of what you want to convey, who cares if they exist? Hey, you might start up a whole new trend.

Till next time, be well.
TH

All of the things you are self-conscious about are the same things that I was self-conscious about when I began my own journal, but I think you've got a headstart on writing quality, whereas for the first few months I didn't know what I was doing. I think you'll write a splendid journal, and I'm excited to keep tabs on it myself.

Last night I posted an entry which I had intended to be the start of an ongoing mini-theme-thing I called Five Songs that Remind Me of Childhood. Under the influence of... erm, several margaritas... I began writing about a song in hopes that I would express the strong, melancholic, nostalgic connection I still feel with it, but as I typed things started to take an unexpected turn. I consider myself a fairly open person, I’m ok with talking about my past, but some of the things I ended up saying I felt were too personal and would invite inquiries I don’t feel prepared to face as well as conversations I would rather not have publicly.

So yeah. Deepest apologies for starting things off on such a strange note, I deleted the post as soon as I woke up and remembered the things I had written, and I really hope not too many people were subjected to it before then. :laughing: Trollheart, thank you sincerely for your kind words. And Pedestrian, thank you as well for your interest. :)

Music I Found Through MusicBanter - Pt. 1/5

For my next (lighthearted) mini-theme-thing entry I thought I’d write a bit about artists I’ve grown to love dearly and that I would never have gotten into without the guidance of fellow MB members. As I’ve been here for over four years and couldn’t possibly list (or remember) everything, I’m sorry if I don’t mention something I should have.

1. Elliott Smith - Sleepy Jack

There have been few artists that have impacted me in ways comparable to those of Elliott Smith. When I started listening to him, I started listening to MUSIC differently - I had always enjoyed music and been fascinated by it, but I felt like for the first time (at eighteen years old) I was actually feeling what it means to love music. I don't know that I could explain why it was Elliott Smith's music in particular that had such a profound effect on me, but it was undeniable.

There had obviously been artists I listened to before that point that I felt emotionally connected with, there had always been songs that could drive me to tears as well as musicianship that was so inspirational, amazing and beautiful that I learned to play guitar so I could attempt to replicate the bands I loved. But Elliott Smith was the first artist that really made me think "I want to do that."

I don't listen to his albums as often as I used to, but when I do I am always taken back to the first time I heard him, and the feeling is just as vivid now as it was then.

The first song I heard:



Current favorite song: King's Crossing



Current favorite album: Either/Or

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Another artist Sleepy Jack introduced me to: Daniel Johnston

Music I Found Through MusicBanter - Pt. 2/5

The Olivia Tremor Control – Molecules

I’ve never been one to accurately assign the correct genre to the correct band, and I don’t intend to try now, but I once saw OTC described on some pretentious music blog as “quasi-psychedelic experimental electro-acoustic classic pop.” Many reviewers have called OTC the bastard child of the Beach Boys and Brian Eno. I don’t know how accurate either of these descriptions really are, and I know that the members of OTC pride themselves on being difficult to categorize (and therefore, difficult to pigeon-hole), but my favorite way to describe them is through an anecdote.

Once upon a work day I was playing Black Foliage (I spend a lot of time in the greatly coveted Back Room at my job, packing and unpacking boxes and rarely speaking to anyone, so I have complete control over what music is being played at any given time) and a coworker walked in and after a few moments asked about the song. “Is it supposed to sound like that?” I said that yes, it was. She responded “Oh, I thought the speakers had broken again.”

Listening to Black Foliage was one of the first times I remember noticing a distinct difference between listening to the album on speakers or through headphones. Each is its own experience; you pick up on different features and seemingly hidden or strategically placed bits in each track depending on how you’re hearing it. That’s not to say that one way is better than the other, mind you, just apparently different. All the more reason to listen to the album repeatedly, I suppose.

OTC is also one of the first bands whose songs had melodies and textures that would stick with me rather than lyrics. I tend to judge how much I like a band based on how much I like their lyrics, so having an interesting horn riff or kazoo solo stuck in my head instead of an interesting stanza days after initially listening to a song was a new experience for me.

The Olivia Tremor Control are one of the more "obscure" and certainly most innovative bands that I have in my music collection, and through listening to them I later began exploring the Elephant 6 Recording Company, which turned me on to bands such as of Montreal, Neutral Milk Hotel, Circulatory System, Elf Power and The Apples in Stereo.

The first song I heard:




Current Favorite Song:




Current Favorite Album: Black Foliage

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Another artist Molecules introduced me to: Guided By Voices

Music I Found Through MusicBanter - Pt. 3/5

Yo La Tengo – Dreadnaught

I’m not a fan of jam bands. I don’t like things that are “groovy” and outside of band practice I don’t care much for improvisation in music. This is certainly due more to the fact that I’m terrible at ad-libbing and too neurotic to really enjoy it, and I’ve been told one too many times that “you’re a hippy, you would LOVE Phish”. As mentioned in my previous post, I focus more on lyrics and melodies when listening to music, so it’s hard for me to appreciate bands that fit into this category. When I first heard Yo La Tengo back in the summer of 2009, I more or less wrote them off as another jam band that wouldn’t do anything for me.

But, surprisingly enough, a couple of weeks after dismissing Pass the Hatchet, I Think I’m Goodkind, I found myself wanting to listen to it again. I believe it was included in a compilation Dreadnaught posted that I found and downloaded from the 10 Track Mix-Tape thread, so I pulled it up in iTunes and gave it another shot. I ended up listening to it several times in a row, head nodding, toes tapping. I downloaded the album and burnt it onto a cd and went for a drive (this is another way in which I assess how good a song or album is… if I listen to it in my car and it makes me want to drive to the beach then I know it’s really good – but more on that later).

After exploring the rest of the album I soon went in search of everything Yo La Tengo. For a couple of months YLT was all I was listening to. I went to see them that fall and have since seen them a handful of other times at festivals and in small pre-show coffee shop or record store gigs. They’re apparently notorious for never playing the same show twice, which both impresses me and makes me feel anxious – I can’t imagine what that would be like. To be so confident in your material that you don’t just play your hits or the songs that are easy repeatedly… but the members are all clearly incredibly talented and seem very genuine. You can see throughout their discography that they love the music they make they love creating and sharing it, and as a fan that’s a great thing to observe.

Yo La Tengo does melancholy well, which is something I’m drawn to, but they also are really good at doing upbeat and happy without (always) being cheesy or annoyingly poppy. When I listen to YLT I’m always reminded of autumn. Their music is warm and holds onto the lightheartedness of summer but still maintains the edge of an approaching winter.

The first song I heard:




Current Favorite Song:





Current Favorite Album: I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass


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Another artist Dreadnaught introduced me to: WHY?, Doseone and the entire Anticon scene.



*BONUS!*


My Cover of a Yo La Tengo song:

Your writing is great! This looks like it will be an excellent journal!

And my gosh, that cover was fantastic. Your voice is beautiful.

Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback. :)

Music I Found Through MusicBanter - Pt. 4/5

Arab Strap – Unchained Ballad

When I hear Arab Strap I imagine Aidan Moffat sitting in a dimly lit room with cracked wooden floorboards and lampshades thick with layers of accumulated dust. The room stinks of spilled booze, stale tobacco smoke and a perfume unique to the unwashed, bearded woodland creature that is Moffat. Overflowing ashtrays litter the room and there are used condom wrappers in the bin filled otherwise with empty, unlabeled glass bottles and sheets of paper crumpled and shredded in frustration. There is an open window but it only serves to push around the humid stench – the epitomized smell of misery and misanthropy.

Arab Strap albums sound like novels in which you follow an apathetic antihero through a plot-less, gritty, urban landscape. You can empathize with the protagonist's thoughts and you are both disgusted by and supportive of his experiences and actions. You hate how much you can identify but you love that you’re not alone. The colloquial storytelling that is each album contains tracks heavily ridden with verses of self-contempt, sex and infidelity, alcoholism and drug abuse. Each song is saturated with witty, amusing wretchedness. It is depressing and it is filthy and I fucking love it. Arab Strap is my favorite band of the moment, no question. Unchained Ballad sent me a song one day and I instantly clicked with the music - the lyrics, the style and structure of the song, Moffat's voice, everything about it was perfect. They are the band I've been wanting to find for months.


The first song I heard:




Current Second Favorite Song:
(I Would've Liked Me A Lot Last Night is still my favorite, but I want to keep with the structure of this theme thing... but actually it's a tie so never mind I'm going to fuck it up anyway. Fuck the system. Thug life.)







Current Favorite Album: It's another tie! Mad for Sadness is the best live album I've ever heard and most of the songs are really great ones from Philophobia, therefore I can't pick between the two.

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Other artists Unchained Ballad introduced me to: Pulp, Jacques Brel, Serge Gainsbourg

Music I Found Through MusicBanter - Pt. 5/5

The Mountain Goats – Sweet Nothing

How do I love John Darnielle? Let me count the ways.
I love John Darnielle to the depth and breadth and height
His nasally ass voice can reach, when feeling out of earshot
For the ends of production and ideal grace.
I love John Darnielle to the level of every day's
Album consumption, by sun and laptop back-light.
I love John Darnielle freely, as men strive for gigs.
I love John Darnielle purely, as they turn shyly from praise.
I love John Darnielle with the passion put to use
In my own songwriting, and with my youth’s fangirlism.
I love John Darnielle with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost taste in shitty music. I love John Darnielle with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if he so choose,
I shall love John Darnielle until death.

Oh John Darnielle. You and your loveable ass face. You with your nasally ass voice and cute ass glasses. You with your incredibly clever, succinct ass, (auto)biographically honest songwriting – oh John Darnielle, the things I would do to marry you.

I really enjoy lo-fi; I really love shitty recordings of songs. The shitty, lo-fi recordings of The Mountain Goats cause me to imagine John Darnielle as one of those people who absolutely have to create. He doesn’t care about quality of production or the gimmicks that come with it, he just has to write and he has to record and he has to share his thoughts. Some may find this behavior narcissistic or even annoying, and understandably so, but personally this is my favorite form of music: songs that are more about raw expression that have an unabashed shouting out of lyrics that read like a scribbled down stream-of-consciousness, cathartic and satisfying.

That need to create reminds me of the Marquis de Sade a la the film Quills, writing his stories on the walls of his cell with his own excrement…… but that’s a terrible analogy. John Darnielle would probably not like that I just made that comparison. At least it’s original? My point is that I have a soft spot for people like John Darnielle who put out full-length albums recorded on boomboxes and distributed via cassette tape. I do still enjoy the later albums from the Mountain Goats, which tend to be more produced and feature a different tone than the rest of the band’s repertoire, but even on those albums Darnielle’s lo-fi roots seep through every now and then and I'll admit that I hold my breath for those moments.


The first song I heard:





Current Favorite Song:





Current Favorite Album:


http://img.noiset.com/images/album/t...ork-54882.jpeg


Another artist Sweet Nothing introduced me to: Interpol

Music I Found Through MusicBanter Mixtape

I thought it would be nifty to upload a mixtape featuring the bands I’ve talked about so far – I don’t know if anyone’s really interested or if this is a dumb idea but here it is in case it's not and you are. I’ve included the tracks I posted videos for as well as others that I enjoy from the various albums of each artist, in hopes that if someone hasn’t heard one of the bands/artists before they’ll obtain a little more insight as to what each of them sound like.

Also if anyone needs a link to any of the albums just send a pm and I’ll sort it out.

I love me some mixtapes. Downloading!

Too much sad music. Do you listen to anything upbeat that came out since 1990?

?

Hello Wolf, I vaguely recall a few drunken promises (although I know I've made many in the course of my life) and one of them was that I'd respond to your journal. Please note that I only make promises for my own benefit so I'm not doing this for you. And that $13 that I owe you had better to go to the Daniel Johnston DVD, not crochet supplies.

Also note that the promise to respond to your journal was mostly to myself so don't feel special, there are a lot of journals that I like but never respond to because I'm lazy. Anyway, I really love this here journal because it speaks to my own musical inclinations. Besides Hanson and Interpol, I pretty much love all of the music that you've mentioned.

So where to begin? You've already said more than I have to say about the music. I guess I'll just regale you with a tale so gather 'round.

Sometime in the early-1990s I saw The Mountain Goats play in the basement of a sushi bar. This is not a joke. I saw them and they were really there. John Darnielle sat on a stool with an acoustic guitar and rocked that basement like a crazy man. Seriously. I was pretty young and I really assumed that he was either suffering from undiagnosed ADHD or had neglected to take his ritalin that day. He strummed so hard I wouldn't have been surprised to see him break the entire guitar - I'm sure he broke some strings at least. He was headbanging too. Like as much as Metallica did when I saw them play. Probably more. He was a clean cut, non-descript, casually dressed guy (this was before the weird black hair dye) sitting on a stool, wailing on an acoustic guitar and thrashing his head around in between the verses he sang into his mic. It's a night I'll never forget.

The end.

One last thing: here's my favorite-ever Mountain Goats song. I had 'Sweden' on a cassette tape copy for years until it broke. The tape stretched and broke. Probably because I kept abruptly stopping the tape and rewinding it to this song. Oh hey! You should do a cover of this song and post it here in your already great journal. That would be the best thing I've seen on MB.

Neon Orange Glimmer Song

Only just got a chance to hear your song now, and my god it was excellent. Your voice is beautiful, you play really well, and the bit at the beginning with your hair was just perfect; really added to the lack of pretension and the gentle humour of the video. Well, not humour, but you know what I mean.

Totally first class.

That album cover.......................:bonkhead::bonkhead:

So instead of downloading the mixtape I just found them all on Spotify. I named the playlist "Ego Tripping's 'heard that from'

I couldn't find the Mountain Goats so perhaps I'm missing out more but I like my new findings with The Olivia Tremor Control.

Lazy bones!

Well Wolverine, what I noticed is that you clearly like either accoustic or anything associated with Rock Music. I am not against that. I know you like your music. Actually I am impressed that you have a beautiful voice. In fact I am stunned that you have no label. In addition, you like male voices more than female voices. You yourself stated that you find female singers to be snobs. I understand. I love your voice. Also you can play guitar. I like your youtube channel. It is very interesting. I wish you all good luck.

wow I sing a little but usually just play...female singers um ella fitz Sarah vaughan..joni Mitchell....wow aretha rickee lee Jones...

I'm hoping this will be useful to some of you musicians.

Alright, here’s the deal. I want to revive this thing (and keep up with it henceforth) because I’m going through a ****ing rough time right now and need something to distract myself and, more importantly, something to commit myself to, so I’m really going to attempt to update at least once a week.

I don’t have any great ideas or clever themes to present at the moment, so I’m just going to start by going through my top artists from the past three months according to last.fm and say a bit about each of them. And of course I’ll conclude with a mixtape with songs from every band I mention.



1. Wingnut Dishwasher’s Union/Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains


Both of these bands are fronted by Pat “The Bunny” Schneeweis, my favorite folk punk songwriter. Wingnut songs are generally political in nature and reflect Pat’s anarchistic philosophies, whereas Johnny Hobo is heavily laden in cynicism, drug use and addiction. In his own words, Pat described Johnny Hobo as a character that is “an archetype of misery, fear, and disengagement” and “reflective of a time period in which I was very miserable, afraid, and disengaged.”

I frequently listen to Wingnut’s Burn the Earth, Leave it Behind and Johnny Hobo’s Caught in the Act of Not Being Awesome while on my bike. There’s something about riding as opposed to driving or walking, no matter where I’m going or what time of day it is – whether I’m in a hurry and need to get to class, riding to meet my friends at the bar for $2.50 pint night or if I’m just on a solo midnight ride weaving through neighborhoods - that makes me feel uncharacteristically connected to my city and the people around me. Add to it the lyrics (and what has become my mantra):


And you have a suddenly less pessimistic, suddenly more hopeful, suddenly smiling version of me, peddling along on my way, having survived my personal apocalypse for one more day.

Videos below (including a cover of mine, because whatever).




2. BADBADNOTGOOD

In a similar vein, if I’m not listening to one of Pat’s several collectives, it is very probable that I’m listening to BBNG1 and BBNG2. I have yet to be proven wrong in regards to asserting that instrumental hip hop jazz can never being anything less than awesome.

These albums invoke memories for me of riding to the park in the middle of the night to meet up with a friend or two, 40oz's and weed brownies cased in tupperware shoved in my backpack or bike basket. We'd sit on the playground swings or in the damp grass and talk about the weight of it all, of the world, of our jobs, of our families, of our spirals and recoveries. None of us knew how to navigate our own lives, but we had each other to be chaotic with, simultaneously and empathically. I haven't done that for awhile now, though. I've recently driven away all the friends I had, both unintentionally and otherwise. Looking back on those nights feel the same to me now as when I visit trails I used to hike with friends who have died or watch a movie that reminds me of an ex. I don't feel like I should want to feel happy about remembering the good in each of these people, because I'm afraid it will negate the bad - either in them or in me.

Anyway, BBNG1 covers everything from Tribe Called Quest to Joy Division and BBNG2 contains notable Kanye West and MBV covers. Both albums are free for download or stream on their website, and as of yet no physical copies of either exist. BBNG3 is due out sometime this year.

3. R Stevie Moore


R Stevie Moore. The (facetiously) self-proclaimed new King of Pop – the incredibly prolific, heart wrenchingly underrated, underappreciated and seemingly not well-known lo-fi legend. His father is Bob Moore – bassist/producer/sidekick of Elvis, Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, Jerry Lee Lewis and the like, and it’s clear from RSM’s work that music and production is the nucleus of every cell in his body. He’s worked with artists spanning from, most notably, Ariel Pink, The Vaccines, MGMT, Dr. Dog, Apples in Stereo and many, many international others. RSM has released hundreds of hundreds of cassettes, albums and compilations, his most widely recognized album being 1976’s Phonography, which in 1996 Rolling Stone listed as one of the fifty most significant indie records.

I’m not sure what else to say. R Stevie Moore is unclassifiable in his diversity; irreplaceable in his ingenuity. He friended me on Facebook, likes my pictures, has shared some of my youtube covers and proposed marriage (hahaha). I chat with him infrequently and he's just a cool old guy with a blue beard and a terribly awesome sense of fashion. I think he’s one of those artists you either “get” or you don’t – and I don’t say that to suggest that those who “get it” are superior; I just mean that I can understand why one wouldn’t. That said, I could never be your friend if you don’t. :)



4. Cody ChesnuTT



On the related note of bedroom-recording eccentric legends, I present to you Cody ChesnuTT. The Headphone Masterpiece, Cody’s 2002 release which was recorded on a 4-track cassette recorder in his bedroom, has substantially dominated my speakers over the past few months. The funky, neo soul, lo-fi debut consists of a multitude of short tracks containing guitar, bass, keyboard and an organ. Cody makes great use of overdubbing, and his lyrics range from ironic encounters with the rock and roll lifestyle to genuine proclamations of love.

Cody gained a small amount of mainstream attention after the album’s release due to the Roots remaking a song from The Headphone Masterpiece which got heavy airplay on MTV and BET in the early 2000’s. He was mentioned in the film Me And You And Everyone We Know (one of my personal favorites), and his track “5 on a Joyride” was played in a scene in which a young character gets his first blowjob. Quirky as fuck, all around.

Kinda a late reply to this entry, but I love that you did a tutorial on shakers! You are the best. Also, your cover of Wingnut Dishwasher’s Union is sweet. Keep it up, wolvey! I look forward to future entries :)

I’m hesitant to spend much time discussing the following two bands because they’re both well-known on the boards and elsewhere, so I’ll focus my attention on particular albums and tracks. I’m also going to split this into two entries to avoid too much text in one post for those of you with short attention spans (assuming, of course, this is being read by anyone).

Last Three Months Theme - Entry Three A: Someone, Oh Anyone, Tell Me How to Stop This

5. The Antlers


Hospice is one of two albums two which I’ve felt an immense emotional and personal attachment. In its beauty I find great amounts of comfort, but in its depths are sparked equally great stabs of pain remembered. Listening to this album is tumultuous for me and because of what it brings up for me it is not always particularly enjoyable – and perhaps it’s the masochist in me – but I find myself returning to it again and again.

I often wonder what it will be like to watch my father die. I’d be watching from a distance, of course, I don’t mean to imply that I’d have anything to do with how or when it happens – if it’s sudden there are thousands of miles of separation between us already, but if it’s a long-term process due to illness or what have you I won’t be at his bedside. I’ll maintain that distance just as aggressively as I do now. After recently unwillingly surviving a suicide attempt I’ve been spending a lot of time pondering the origins of my disease, and as my father was my abuser and the gardener that both planted and nourished the suicidal seed in the stem of me, I can’t even pretend that I would mourn him. It would not be a loss, he would not be missed. I find myself contented by the thought – his ability to ever harm another person being ripped from him in the solidity of death.

When I listen to Hospice, an elegant and wholeheartedly devastating album that narrates the relationship between a terminally ill, previously abused patient and a hospice worker, I find I place myself as both the victim and the caretaker depending on which ideas of myself dominate my thoughts at a given time. Typical of the codependent behavior that arises from abusive relationships, sometimes I’m the one with my head in the oven, and sometimes I’m the one telling my father to take his out (Sylvia). Sometimes the lyrics “And as it opened I could hear you howling from your room/ but I hid out in the hall until the hurricane blew” mean I’m hiding from my father’s anger, and sometimes it means I see and hear the pain he’s suffering himself (Two). By the end of the album, no matter what amount of sympathy I’ve felt toward myself or my father, the refrain “Don’t ever let anyone tell you you deserve that (Wake)” brings me back to the present moment, in which I am alleviated from the guilt I feel for abandoning my father in his illness, validated for having suffered what I’ve suffered, and empowered by having stood up for myself in the act of running away.

This is not what the album is about. But this is what the album is about for me.

Thank you! I hope if you watched the entire shaker video you didn't think I was serious though.... hahaha.

Haha, I did watch the entire shaker video, your frivolity is why I loved it! Anyway keep up the beautiful covers also :)

Just making sure, haha. Thank you for your kind words in regard to my covers, I do appreciate it :)

6. Belle and Sebastian


The first time I heard Belle and Sebastian it was on a mixtape (with a drawing of a cat on it) given to me on a first date – the ultimate form of hipster flirting, amiright? The track the guy included was “If You’re Feeling Sinister” from the album with the same name. Upon first listen, I didn’t like it at all. It was not something I would have expected the dude to include – he was punkish in appearance, adorned in denim vests with Black Flag patches and wore a large, full, angry, red beard. “What is this,” I remember asking myself. “Wistful pop is definitely not my thing.” By the first chorus, during which are sung the words “if you are feeling sinister go off and see a minister,” I skipped the track. “Oh great,” I thought. “He’s a bible thumper.”

I abandoned the mixtape, having found only one track out of twenty listenable. Soon after, I stopped seeing the guy, for reasons apart from having received an underwhelming mixtape, and I shoved the cd into my case and it was more or less forgotten about. Aside from this, all I knew of Belle and Sebastian was the slight controversy regarding their relationship with Aidan Moffat and their use of "arab strap" in both a song title and album name. I fucking love Arab Strap and that hairy troll of a man, so I was a bit turned off from the start.

A handful of months ago, however, I attended an album-trade party hosted by a good friend, and she tried to trade me Belle and Sebastian’s The Life Pursuit for my copy of Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. I refused, remarking that Belle and Sebastian weren’t my style. “Really?” she asked. “I would have guessed they were right up your alley.” I told her about my limited exposure to them and she insisted I try listening again – she didn’t make me give up my Flaming Lips album, instead we ended up trading a Simon and Garfunkel for a Tom Waits. As I was leaving the party, she looked at me very seriously and said “Listen, give Life Pursuit a shot. If I could embody a track it would be ‘Dress Up In You.’ Seriously, the album is great.” I believed her, she had never steered me wrong musically.

Upon my arrival home I spotify-ed the track and was immediately enveloped in the beauty of it. The subtlety of the bass line, the perfect use of horns, the attention-grabbing harmonies, the relatable and honest lyrics – I was enamored. It became the anthem I sang to myself in memory of friends I’ve had in years past who, from early ages, ensured their life success simply in their essences. There are people who you just know will make it – no matter which road they take, they’ll end up somewhere that works for them and is somehow always perfect and enviable. I’ve never felt like that, I’ve never been like that. I’m just not that person, but I have a fondness for finding those that fit the description and doing what I can to ensure they realize their own potential.


After drowning myself in The Life Pursuit I pulled out the old mixtape with the drawing of a cat on it and gave it a second chance. It was then that I realized I had missed the second half of the chorus of “If You’re Feeling Sinister” –


- and realized I had entirely missed the point of the song, and entirely missed out on such a great band for all of those months. Wistful pop is absolutely my thing. I was an asshole for thinking I was above it. Lesson learned, I suppose.

What a load of crap this statement has turned out to be.

Conveying passion isn't easy, but there are many ways to do it. Sometimes people write extensively on a bands background, influences, history etc and even just the sheer extent to which they write, delving into the bands background, shows you how much passion they have for that artist. Informative writing is good. It can educate people on why they should like that band too, especially if what they write appeals to the interests of the reader.

What you do well, the way I see it, is you don't write this way as such, not extensively anyway. You are focused more on your own connections with music. You may still be hoping that other people will listen to the music you write about, but it doesn't seem the overriding factor in your decision to write here. It appears as if you are more focused on writing from your heart, and from that passion you have inside that you wish to share with other music lovers around here. I imagine you write just as much for yourself as you do your audience.

I like to read informative posts here, and I like to read your more standard review of a band or an album. Thing is though that while that is true, I can read that anywhere. I love to read something that enables to learn more about our users here, their background, their history, their personality, and most importantly the role music plays in their lives, the passion they have for it, and why they love what they love as much as they do.

You write about memories music brings back for you, whether they be happy or sad. You are sharing intimate parts of yourself with people who will hopefully want to read it and feel privileged to be afforded the opportunity to do so, and that you felt you could share some of these things with us. And to be honest with you, after reading through your entire journal, stories such as riding to meet your friends and discuss life and unload, feeling connected to your city and your surroundings, and especially your Antlers post, I feel you do this fantastically well.

So, I think my point, which I lost in there somewhere was - you're a liar.

Thank you so much for this. This both made me tear up and grin until it hurt. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, and thank you for affirming that what I'm doing isn't a waste of time. You made my day, friend. :)

Yeah, I think considering how much you're loved here there was a significant jump in your view count once people realised you were posting again. I'd certainly agree with Mojo that you connect more personally with your favourite music than others, perhaps I, do, but you do it really well and you need have no fear that your words are going unread: I can imagine a queue to find out what you have to say next --- no pushing or shoving please I said no pushing or shoving!

One of the undiscovered gems of the journal world. Keep it up! :thumb:

What a fantastic journal this is! Getting to revisit R. Stevie Moore and stuff I didn't know he was associated with was quite interesting in particular, but the world could also always use a bit more Yo La Tengo appreciation methinks. 'Lets Be Still' will probably always be my favorite song by them, but it's nice to see how well you've connected with them despite initially dismissing them long ago.

I'm very passionate about the music I've found myself connecting with over the years, and it's always great to run across others who do it even better than I do. I'll be following your writings wolf, so please keep on sharing for all our sakes. :love:

So - disclaimer. Like an idiot I didn’t write down the initial list of my Top Artists over the last three months on last.fm so as I keep listening to music my list keeps changing. I can’t remember the order of things when I started at all, so I’m going to just keep moving down the list as if each of the artists were there the whole time. :laughing:


7. Why?


Why? Is one of the notorious bands from the anticon scene, and frontman Yoni Wolf participates in a handful of other anticon bands, markedly cLOUDDEAD and Hymie’s Basement. Why?’s second, and in my opinion, best album, included contributions from additional anticon favorites Doseone and Odd Nosdam. My love for the anticon collective is similar to that for Elephant 6 – there are very rarely any releases that don’t impress me, and I love the idea of a large amount of my favorite artists all sharing space, being friends and collaborating and creating music that has meant so much to me. Alopecia, Why?’s second release, is another that has already received a fair amount of attention on the boards, so rather than talk about it as a whole I’m just going to word vomit all over you.

Am I an example of a calculated birth?
To a star chart for clowns?

My parents split up when I was young, and my dad won custody after a long, arduous, gruesome battle backed by his parent’s money and the support of the local LDS church branch (I am not joking). I grew up with my father and stepmother (a woman he was cheating on my mom with and then married three months later) and was systematically turned against my mom. I was told she left because she didn’t love me anymore, she would send birthday cards I would never see. I wasn’t allowed to talk her from the time I was 10 until I was 18. I moved out of my father’s house when I was 16, no longer able to look him in the face and no longer willing to give him the satisfaction of having me depend on him, not only as a parent but as a human being. I graduated high school in May of 2008 and after reconnecting with my mother via myspace a few months earlier I invited her to the ceremony. She accepted. She came to Wyoming after being gone for nearly a decade and we had an Oprah worthy reunion. At the commencement exercise my father made a scene in front of everyone in attendance, upset about the fact that I had invited her. He told me he hadn’t considered me his daughter for the past six years. I told him I wanted him out of my life. My mother invited me to come visit her where she lived in California and I did, and once I got here I realized I had nothing in Wyoming to go back to, so I stayed. I left everything behind and I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving.
But I was born for this flight/ United 955 on the fifth of July/ Back to SFO I join the dark side in a thin disguise caught on consumer grade video at night.
Alopecia came to me at one of my lowest points. I learned of Why? Through MB immediately after I had made this move away from my hometown unexpectedly.

I had ended up in California where I knew no one, knew nothing, wanted nothing, and wanted to do nothing. I had jumped a plane to San Francisco National Airport from Salt Lake City. I joined the dark side in that I joined the family that I had been so warned against for such crucial years of my upbringing – suddenly everything I thought I knew about my mother was turned upside down and I realized for how long my father had been lying to me, and I saw the lengths he went to keep me from my mom. My thin disguise was created in my attempt to hold myself together while I decided which parts of me I wanted to keep, which people I wanted to let in my life, who was safe and who was a threat.

A hollow bullet yet spent
Subject to dismissal

I sunk into a deep depression. After moving in with my mom I reverted back to a childhood state of dependence that had become unfamiliar to me by then – I allowed her to take care of me in the ways I had been craving since she left. I stayed home all day, doing nothing but eating and watching movies. I read all the books in her house, I questioned everything I believed. I went nowhere, I talked to no one. I began to develop a new philosophy on life, sparked by a constant series of existential crises. I abandoned the plans I had made with my best friend from back home in regards to moving away to Oregon to go to college together – I decided I wasn’t ready. I learned guitar and wrote poetry and immersed myself in MB, collecting and discussing music, making friends and discovering substantial things about myself in the process.

While I'm alive I'll feel alive
and what's next I guess I'll know when I've gotten there

I began to feel better about myself, having picked apart every aspect of how I knew what I knew, why I needed to know it, and what else I needed to know. The depression had not left, but its weight had decreased. I felt confident in the things I spoke of, I felt sure of myself in a way I hadn’t before. I got a job, moved out of my mom’s house and put together a life I could be proud of. I haven’t spoken to my father since.

The first complete song I wrote was about this experience and was in part inspired by the SFO line in the Vowels Pt. 2. I’ll share that now.



Lyrics:
I packed my bags two days after my high school graduation
Said goodbye to my hometown without much hesitation
Jumped a plane to SFO in my determination
And made my way through the North Bay with sense of liberation
My sister said I left due to lack of appreciation
Dad cried out abandonment toned with intimidation
But they can’t steal the thrill I feel negation expectations
And guilt trips call for too much fuel and duel cooperation
Lies won’t hide invisible scars
You looked right in my face and said you don’t deserve resentment
That night when you disowned me, yeah, you said you never meant it
I promised my forgiveness and you filled up with contentment
But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket
You always said that anger’s justified when provocation’s present
I grew up knowing you were wrong, accepting the unpleasant
But now today three states away I’m calling you pathetic
And if the whole world shit on you it’s only ‘cause you let it.
Lies won’t hide invisible scars.

Thanks you two, I appreciate the encouragement. :)

When I read your journal, it reminds me of a less-manboyish/British High Fidelity, and that's why I keep reading it. If I just wanted to read random reviews, I'd trawl RYM instead.

If you're interested in collaborating collectives, you might enjoy Broken Social Scene, whose members past and present are uncountable, and who have produced a lot of excellent projects between them.

As I mentioned quite recently, I remember you submitting that track to a members compilation here and I liked it so much I grabbed the EP that was uploaded to Last FM and I listened to that too. A few times. After a brief discussion around it recently, I listened to it again.

From listening to it I was always able to feel as though I had an understanding of what it was about, despite knowing very little about you. Now I know more I feel I understood the song correctly, but obviously not quite everything about it, the background, and the reasons for the lyrics. I am very glad you decided to write about it. Knowing more about it, knowing more about you, just makes me appreciate it more.

How old were you when you wrote it? I always felt you must have been quite young, but certainly not because of the song itself or it's content. If anything, these things would suggest you were actually a few years older than you must have been when you wrote it. You seem to have a firm grasp on lyrics and song writing, and as personal and as emotive as these lyrics are, they are delivered without a hint of angst or anything like that, but rather a maturity. I honestly was kind of blown away by that track. I really dug the members compilation, I thought it was solid and opened my eyes and ears to a lot of the talented people here, but your song stood out for me.

I'd actually love to hear more of your music, and as far as Why? go, I haven't ever listened to them. I've seen their name around here a lot, as you hinted at, but you've at least given me a reason to consider checking them out after writing such a personal entry about them and what they mean to you.

Good work :thumb:

Aww, you. Making me feel like what I do is worth something. :love:

You mentioned earlier that you got the impression that the writing I do for my journal is just as much - if not more - for my own benefit than for an audience, and I feel that my songwriting is very similar. I never really expect people to listen to it - I started my youtube channel simply to share covers with friends back in Wyoming, I never expected the kind of feedback or following that I'm getting. I put a lot of effort into keeping it this way, as soon as I begin performing for someone or for something the magic of catharsis is lost. That said, I'm really glad you enjoy the track, it's definitely my most personal. The EP is total shit and it pains me to listen to it but nonetheless I'm glad it has fallen on ears other than my own, haha.

I was 17 and I was drunk. I was sitting on my porch with my guitar and a pack of cigarettes, had just learned chords on the guitar and was particularly fond of A minor. I used a rhyming dictionary for the first verse and then the rest of it seemed to just pour out. Thank you so much for your compliments. That song means a lot to me and I'm glad to learn the emotion was communicated accurately.

As soon as I make more music I'll share it with you :laughing:

I've been in several bands since the Lawn Chronicles EP was uploaded, but none of them have worked out and I feel a bit dejected about it. My songwriting has taken a turn for the worse so I'm giving myself a break and mainly recording covers for the time being.

Thanks again for your response. :)

This is one of the most flattering things you could say to me. Thank you for that, and for the reminder that I need to explore more of Broken Social Scene. <3