Fiddler's Adventures On Patrol

fiddler · 06-22-2015, 06:54 PM

HEY! YEAH YOU! GET OUT OF YOUR FREAKING CAR AND PAY ATTENTION!

These people get stupid with the thermometer rides 90+. I tell ya what. There were 15 calls for 10-50s (wrecks) during my shift. What in the hell?? People forget how to read and drive with this heat? Jesus H. Christ people, ya should be used to this! It does it every single year, like clock work. You'd think you could predict this change in weather patterns.

And I ain't just talking about on post. Those 15 10-50s were on/around post, but I had to go up to one of the National Guard Armories to do a gun and ammo audit. Let me tell you, going on the highway with these fools is like running through a minefield like a dumbass aiming for the mines.

And let me just tell you, I got up in that Armory, it was nasty a cheap whore house on the shore when the ships come in. Rotten, molded food in the trash cans, a layer of dirt and grime a foot deep on the rifles. It was sorry to say the least. I told that Corporal on duty that he'd better find someone to clean these rifles before I failed them on their audit and it'd be HIS fault that it happened. Guess what? It was cleaned up, at least, one corner of it. That place was straight up nasty. I feel like I got lice from just walking in the front freaking door.

And back to the heat these old critters need to stay in their house where they've got some A/C. They coming onto post to the PX or to the Walmart and they can't handle the heat. I went to the Walmart to get some Gatorade for the unit (PX was out) and I bought 4 pallets of Gatorade. They asked me how I was planning to get it home. I told them I'd bring the truck around - I had taken one of the heavy duty trucks. If that thing won't haul it I don't know what will. But boy they make your ass sore.

That's it folks! Carry on!

EPOCH6 · 06-22-2015, 11:15 PM

Great thread, keep it up.

fiddler · 06-28-2015, 06:40 PM

Alright folks pull your thumbs out of your asses, act like you know what you're doing, and PAY ATTENTION!

Pretty historic day on Friday, with the legalization of same-sex marriage across the U.S. However it's interesting to note the two states who are throwing a hissy fit and simply refusing to issue marriage license to anybody. It's better than neither one of these are Texas.

Went to the shooting competition yesterday, had a great time. Scored a total of 86/100pts for a silver ribbon. I took Pumpkin (one of my dogs) along, she's a certified Search & Rescue dog. She dragged a kid out of the water who had fallen in. Before the adults even had a chance to react, she had already sprung into action and was swimming out to get the kid. Kid is 100% a-okay.

The downside of course is that cleaning my .44 was a pain in the butt. The repeated firings without cleaning and such caked the gunpowder in places you wouldn't expect to find gunpowder.

Not much really to say from the patrol aspect of things, fairly quiet day. Other than some dude tossing his cookies in the MP building in the little waiting room nothing really happened today. I'm curious though, is it the calm before the storm? Probably.

All right turds, field strip, clean, and reassemble those rifles and get some chow and shut eye. Move!

fiddler · 07-02-2015, 05:51 PM

FALL IN BEFORE I MAKE YA RUN TIL YOUR LEGS FALL OFF!

Concluded a 3 month investigation today, but I'm not going into specifics here, only generalized things. Working together with the FBI and CID we successfully made the arrest to concluded the investigation. Now we await a trail to see what the court system will spit out in this one. More to come later.

Y'all know those motorized carts they have at the grocery stores? That the old critters use and they can go 2 miles an hour when you're behind them but 150 mph when they run you down? Yeah those? Little old feller was in one of those coming out of the PX (me and Ramos were going in) and the feller took 'er off a six inch curb. Those things aren't made for off roadin' and the poor feller took a spill on the hot asphalt. Had to call the medics for that feller.

I did a traffic stop and the guy was walking a straight line but could barely keep standing straight up. After falling down several times, car pulls up behind my cruiser, parks, turns off the engine, driver gets out, walks up to me, grabs a pair of hand cuffs out of my belt, and proceeds to put his own hands into cuffs and sits down on the curbing. I looked at him and said "what in the hell do you think you're doing feller?" He said "I'm drunk as a skunk and I ain't laying on this hot asphalt."

That's it folks get to moving.

fiddler · 07-08-2015, 06:02 PM

DROP AND GIMME 25!

Got a bunch of freshies into the company Monday, and somehow I was given the luxury of baby sitting them. I love screwing with them, though, it's great. They were so ingrained into calling their Sergeant "Drill Sergeant" that this one kid I asked him did he think he could handle one of my cruisers. He replied "Yes Drill Sergeant!" I got so close to his face that the brim of my patrol cap was touching the brim of his patrol cap and I asked him very calmly "Where are you, soldier?" He replied "Fort Bragg, Sir!". So I asked him very calmly "Do we have Drill Sergeants here, soldier?", to which he replied "Sir no sir!". I very calmly asked him "Do I look like a Drill Sergeant to you?", and he replied "Sir no sir!". All of a sudden I screamed "THEN WHY DID YOU CALL ME A FREAKING DRILL SERGEANT? I DON'T LOOK LIKE ONE, WE DON'T HAVE DRILL SERGEANTS HERE. WHY PRIVATE, WHY?". He said it was a slip up and I said "Platoon! Drop and gimme 25 maybe your buddy here can figure out where he's at before he opens his big mouth again!".

This behavior of calling their Sergeant "Drill Sergeant" has been ingrained into their heads for half a year, so when they get to the company level, it has a tendency to make itself known again. Which is why when they get to the company level, we know for the most part that there will always be one fuck up and we can torture them a little. After all, if your Sergeant doesn't torture you a little, he don't care about you!

Had a guy drunkenly "steal" an Apache helicopter...which had no fuel, no spark plugs in the engine, and was missing various other parts to make it go. But I guess he was flying in his brain???

Learn ya titles people! Learn ya titles and fall out!

DeadChannel · 07-08-2015, 07:26 PM

That's some Whiplash **** right there.

Moss · 07-08-2015, 09:24 PM

Did you tell him the best part of him ran down the crack of his mamas ass? I look like that one.

fiddler · 07-10-2015, 04:31 PM

Fall in mutts!

Okay so if you haven't heard via news or otherwise, the Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter visited Fort Bragg (where I'm stationed) today. He had a Q&A session in "town hall" format with some 200 soldiers, showed off a couple of new toys, and generally socialized with soldiers and civilians. For the Second in Command of the United States Armed Forces, it's pretty huge for him to come visit. Incase you haven't heard, the United States Army is about to down size some 40,000 soldiers and some 17,000 civilians in the next two years. Sec. Carter informed us today that Fort Bragg is going to be the spearhead of the new Army, as we are home to the 82nd Airborne, Special Forces, United States Army Forces Command (FORSCOM), etc, etc.

I received one of the Secretary's challenge coins which I'll add my collection, which I admit, is pretty cool. One guy who was covered from head to foot in dirt and grime from working in the motorpool told Sec. Carter that he'd hate to shake the man's hand because he'd get him dirty. Sec. Carter told him nonsense when to shake and grabbed the soldier in a "bro hug" or whatever you want to call it. Overall, Sec. Carter was a very down-to-Earth kind of guy.

Move out!

Chula Vista · 07-10-2015, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiddler

Sec. Carter told him nonsense when to shake and grabbed the soldier in a "bro hug" or whatever you want to call it.

Moral boosting moment right there.

fiddler · 07-10-2015, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

Moral boosting moment right there.

I know, it's shocking, when you're in charge of a bunch of people who go to war, you want them to like you

. Regardless still cool though, although I'm sure he showered (I would have! That crap stinks!)

06-22-2015, 06:54 PM	#41 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	HEY! YEAH YOU! GET OUT OF YOUR FREAKING CAR AND PAY ATTENTION! These people get stupid with the thermometer rides 90+. I tell ya what. There were 15 calls for 10-50s (wrecks) during my shift. What in the hell?? People forget how to read and drive with this heat? Jesus H. Christ people, ya should be used to this! It does it every single year, like clock work. You'd think you could predict this change in weather patterns. And I ain't just talking about on post. Those 15 10-50s were on/around post, but I had to go up to one of the National Guard Armories to do a gun and ammo audit. Let me tell you, going on the highway with these fools is like running through a minefield like a dumbass aiming for the mines. And let me just tell you, I got up in that Armory, it was nasty a cheap whore house on the shore when the ships come in. Rotten, molded food in the trash cans, a layer of dirt and grime a foot deep on the rifles. It was sorry to say the least. I told that Corporal on duty that he'd better find someone to clean these rifles before I failed them on their audit and it'd be HIS fault that it happened. Guess what? It was cleaned up, at least, one corner of it. That place was straight up nasty. I feel like I got lice from just walking in the front freaking door. And back to the heat these old critters need to stay in their house where they've got some A/C. They coming onto post to the PX or to the Walmart and they can't handle the heat. I went to the Walmart to get some Gatorade for the unit (PX was out) and I bought 4 pallets of Gatorade. They asked me how I was planning to get it home. I told them I'd bring the truck around - I had taken one of the heavy duty trucks. If that thing won't haul it I don't know what will. But boy they make your ass sore. That's it folks! Carry on! __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid.

06-28-2015, 06:40 PM	#43 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	Alright folks pull your thumbs out of your asses, act like you know what you're doing, and PAY ATTENTION! Pretty historic day on Friday, with the legalization of same-sex marriage across the U.S. However it's interesting to note the two states who are throwing a hissy fit and simply refusing to issue marriage license to anybody. It's better than neither one of these are Texas. Went to the shooting competition yesterday, had a great time. Scored a total of 86/100pts for a silver ribbon. I took Pumpkin (one of my dogs) along, she's a certified Search & Rescue dog. She dragged a kid out of the water who had fallen in. Before the adults even had a chance to react, she had already sprung into action and was swimming out to get the kid. Kid is 100% a-okay. The downside of course is that cleaning my .44 was a pain in the butt. The repeated firings without cleaning and such caked the gunpowder in places you wouldn't expect to find gunpowder. Not much really to say from the patrol aspect of things, fairly quiet day. Other than some dude tossing his cookies in the MP building in the little waiting room nothing really happened today. I'm curious though, is it the calm before the storm? Probably. All right turds, field strip, clean, and reassemble those rifles and get some chow and shut eye. Move! __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid.

07-02-2015, 05:51 PM	#44 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	FALL IN BEFORE I MAKE YA RUN TIL YOUR LEGS FALL OFF! Concluded a 3 month investigation today, but I'm not going into specifics here, only generalized things. Working together with the FBI and CID we successfully made the arrest to concluded the investigation. Now we await a trail to see what the court system will spit out in this one. More to come later. Y'all know those motorized carts they have at the grocery stores? That the old critters use and they can go 2 miles an hour when you're behind them but 150 mph when they run you down? Yeah those? Little old feller was in one of those coming out of the PX (me and Ramos were going in) and the feller took 'er off a six inch curb. Those things aren't made for off roadin' and the poor feller took a spill on the hot asphalt. Had to call the medics for that feller. I did a traffic stop and the guy was walking a straight line but could barely keep standing straight up. After falling down several times, car pulls up behind my cruiser, parks, turns off the engine, driver gets out, walks up to me, grabs a pair of hand cuffs out of my belt, and proceeds to put his own hands into cuffs and sits down on the curbing. I looked at him and said "what in the hell do you think you're doing feller?" He said "I'm drunk as a skunk and I ain't laying on this hot asphalt." That's it folks get to moving. __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid.

07-08-2015, 06:02 PM	#45 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	DROP AND GIMME 25! Got a bunch of freshies into the company Monday, and somehow I was given the luxury of baby sitting them. I love screwing with them, though, it's great. They were so ingrained into calling their Sergeant "Drill Sergeant" that this one kid I asked him did he think he could handle one of my cruisers. He replied "Yes Drill Sergeant!" I got so close to his face that the brim of my patrol cap was touching the brim of his patrol cap and I asked him very calmly "Where are you, soldier?" He replied "Fort Bragg, Sir!". So I asked him very calmly "Do we have Drill Sergeants here, soldier?", to which he replied "Sir no sir!". I very calmly asked him "Do I look like a Drill Sergeant to you?", and he replied "Sir no sir!". All of a sudden I screamed "THEN WHY DID YOU CALL ME A FREAKING DRILL SERGEANT? I DON'T LOOK LIKE ONE, WE DON'T HAVE DRILL SERGEANTS HERE. WHY PRIVATE, WHY?". He said it was a slip up and I said "Platoon! Drop and gimme 25 maybe your buddy here can figure out where he's at before he opens his big mouth again!". This behavior of calling their Sergeant "Drill Sergeant" has been ingrained into their heads for half a year, so when they get to the company level, it has a tendency to make itself known again. Which is why when they get to the company level, we know for the most part that there will always be one fuck up and we can torture them a little. After all, if your Sergeant doesn't torture you a little, he don't care about you! Had a guy drunkenly "steal" an Apache helicopter...which had no fuel, no spark plugs in the engine, and was missing various other parts to make it go. But I guess he was flying in his brain??? Learn ya titles people! Learn ya titles and fall out! __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid.

07-10-2015, 04:31 PM	#48 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	Fall in mutts! Okay so if you haven't heard via news or otherwise, the Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter visited Fort Bragg (where I'm stationed) today. He had a Q&A session in "town hall" format with some 200 soldiers, showed off a couple of new toys, and generally socialized with soldiers and civilians. For the Second in Command of the United States Armed Forces, it's pretty huge for him to come visit. Incase you haven't heard, the United States Army is about to down size some 40,000 soldiers and some 17,000 civilians in the next two years. Sec. Carter informed us today that Fort Bragg is going to be the spearhead of the new Army, as we are home to the 82nd Airborne, Special Forces, United States Army Forces Command (FORSCOM), etc, etc. I received one of the Secretary's challenge coins which I'll add my collection, which I admit, is pretty cool. One guy who was covered from head to foot in dirt and grime from working in the motorpool told Sec. Carter that he'd hate to shake the man's hand because he'd get him dirty. Sec. Carter told him nonsense when to shake and grabbed the soldier in a "bro hug" or whatever you want to call it. Overall, Sec. Carter was a very down-to-Earth kind of guy. Move out! __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid. Last edited by fiddler; 07-10-2015 at 04:38 PM.

07-08-2015, 07:26 PM	#46 (permalink)
DeadChannel Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,259	That's some Whiplash **** right there.

07-08-2015, 09:24 PM	#47 (permalink)
Moss Scuttle Buttin' Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Boulder Colorado Posts: 972	Did you tell him the best part of him ran down the crack of his mamas ass? I look like that one.