The Batlord's Kitchen Sink Journal of Anything and Everything He Wants to Write About
 

Instead of being like Trollheart and making a journal anytime I feel like concentrating on some subject or other, I'm just going to use this as a place to write about everything I might decide to cover: music, games, TV, philosophical drabbles, movies, getting baked/drunk and writing a rambling post about nothing in particular just to see what comes out for my own personal amusement, etc. As such, I'll be closing my music journal, The Batlord Listens to Random **** and Talks About It, since this will include anything I would normally put there (My comic book journal will remain, however, as I want to keep that subject pure.)

Don't know just how much I'll be writing about any one thing, or how regularly I'll be updating this -- since I'm so uncharacteristically busy these days -- but I just like the idea of having a journal that's completely unrestricted.

Stay tuned, losers...

It's been well-documented on this site how I feel about Dave Mustaine: love Megadeth's first four albums (and certain songs from their later albums) but I can't stand what their music became in later years (whether it be their inconsistent pop metal, or their mind-bogglingly tepid return to pseudo-thrash); and while I love Dave's Oasis-like egomaniacal douchiness, his right wing, Reborn Christian rantings are just annoying.

Regardless, along with Metallica and Iron Maiden, they were one of the bands that really introduced me to metal. Metallica were my first love, but once I became disillusioned by wannabe-teenage integrity at them for "selling out", Megadeth went from my second favorite band to #1 -- which is ironic considering that they did the exact same thing at exactly the same time. Still, it makes sense since I got into them through their same '90s period that made me drop Metallica like a bad habit.

No matter how I feel about Dave and the boys now, I will always be a mega fan for their place in my childhood. I worshipped the ground they and especially Dave walked on for far too long to ever write them off in my heart of hearts. Even Slayer doesn't evoke the same kind of warm-hearted nostalgia.

These days, however, I couldn't give less of a **** about most of their post-Rust in Peace material (cause why would you?) and Countdown to Extinction is where I draw the line. It has the same problems as Metallica's self-titled album which it attempted to ape: boring thrash-lite songs, complemented by legitimately entertaining pop metal that unfortunately gets worse with every listen.

But what separates the two albums is that Metallica were just better at their transition, and James Hetfield's toned down vocals weren't nearly as embarrassing as Dave Mustaine's.

So here I am, giving this album yet another chance to reconvert me (I really did love it when I was 15). It's been... years I guess, since I listened to it in its entirety, so perhaps my feelings will have softened. Since I'm so familiar with this album, I'm going to do this track-by-track as I listen to it.

*Full disclosure: for years my only copy of this album was a burned CD that was corrupted and somehow deleted several of the tracks ("Foreclosure of a Dream", "Countdown to Extinction", and "Sweating Bullets"), so it'll probably be almost like listening to them for the first time.

Let's do this...




1. Skin O' My Teeth: I was well aware that whatever my feelings about this album, this would be one of the songs that still stuck with me. This is pop metal at its finest. The riffs are badass yet fun, Dave's vocals energetic, and there's just a kick-in-the-pants quality that every album opener should have. I'll try to use this as a springboard for listening to this album objectively, but I can't promise anything.

2. Symphony of Destruction: It was either this or "Motopsycho" (the single from their then current album The World Needs a Hero) that was my introduction to Megadeth, so this song has extra nostalgia for me. Still love it, too. That main riff might be nothing like the technical wizardry of their earlier work, but god damn is it heavy as ****. Two tracks of awesomeness to start this album off, but I know full well that what comes next will be the drop off...

3. Architecture of Aggression: The first of many supremely awful song titles on this album, this was probably the song I loved most after I'd heard the actual best songs on this album way too many times. This is some of that tepid, thrash-lite I was referring to. It's got a pretty catchy chorus if you ignore the cringe-worthy lyrics ("You know your worth when your enemies
praise your architecture of aggression!" blech) and some tasty riffs, but otherwise it's not exactly noteworthy.

4. Foreclosure of a Dream: God damn it, I was not looking forward to rediscovering this song. Even back when I was still a hopeless fanboy I wasn't too broken up when my faulty copy of this album dropped this song. It was Megadeth's first attempt at a ballad -- presumably to copy the success of "The Unforgiven" and "Nothing Else Matters" -- but it's a dull, monumental misstep. Thankfully the band would get things together on the next album with "A Tout Le Monde", but this isn't half as good as that song. It's only real saving grace is a nice riff that pops up when the band can be bothered to stop with the ****ty balladery.

God that title sucks. Almost so bad it's good. Almost.

5. Sweating Bullets: I'm pretty sure I first heard this on an anime music video, and I loved every second of it. Not so much right now. It's alright, a 6/10 song if ever I've heard one, but it's not thrashy enough to be properly badass, and not catchy enough to really grab me. I'm struck by just how goofy Dave's vocals are (even more so than before), but their cheesiness is actually kind of charming. They're pretty much the only truly memorable thing about this. I could only ever love this song as a teenager.

6. This Was My Life: Another one of those poppy, thrash-lite songs. As with so many tracks on this album, the only things of note are a mildly catchy chorus and some moderately cool riffs. And even those are pretty much interchangeable with any other similar songs. Maybe that's the real tragedy of this album: sameness. At least "Sweating Bullets" had some personality. Not too many truly bad songs on this disc, just too many that don't stick out in any way.

7. Countdown to Extinction: I have no real memory of what this song sounded like or how good it was, so I don't know what to expect from this. Kinda sounding like a quasi-ballad, but I don't remember it being nearly as awful as "Foreclosure of a Dream". This is definitely pop metal, but it feels more like the kind of pseudo-hard rock the band would write for Cryptic Writings. Best chorus since "Symphony of Destruction", but the song as a whole isn't too memorable. At least Cryptic Writings had some pseudo-hard rock that stuck in your head, but this is just pseudo-filler. I'll give it a pseudo-thumbs up.

8. High Speed Dirt: Hell yes! This song has that same power pop energy as "Skin O' My Teeth", and it's almost as memorable. Just a fun romp that this album is in desperate need of. I don't know if I would even classify this as metal, but who ****ing cares. It just rules.

9. Psychotron: God this song is dumb. As far as I can tell it's a song about a killer cyborg that isn't at all metaphorical. Why Dave thought any of the fans he was trying to court would give a flying **** about the lyrics is beyond me, so it's a minor miracle that it's saved by being one of the heaviest songs on the album (second only to "Symphony of Destruction"). It's definitely not as good, but with the addition of one of the few choruses that rise above simply being "kind of catchy" it's still better than "This Was My Life". I remember loving this song as a kid, and now I remember why. It's not a forgotten classic or anything (the monotonous vocals on the verses drag it down too much for that) but it's still one of the better songs on Countdown to Extinction.

10. Captive Honour: Until I rediscovered how ****ty "Foreclosure of a Dream" was, this was by far my most hated song on this album. Multiple, overlong, spoken word bits at the beginning make this song drag before it has the chance to even get off the ground, and the fact that it doesn't know if it wants to be a boring ballad or faceless pseudo-thrash just make this song complete garbage. It's one of those songs that is too annoying to even qualify as filler. It just plain sucks.

**** you, Dave. **** you.

11. Ashes in Your Mouth: Yet another lobotomized "thrash" song to cap this album off. It would have been nice for Megadeth to have gone out with a bang to leave a better taste in my mouth, but this is what I get instead. It's certainly not the worst song on Countdown to Extinction, but it's yet another good-but-not-great song with some decent riffs that could have been switched out with the riffs from any other song without anyone noticing.

Weak sauce, Dave. Weak sauce.


Well, has my opinion changed at all over the years? Not ****ing really. I like the same songs I did back then, I hate the same songs (with the notable addition of "Foreclosure of a Dream"), and my indifference to the rest hasn't changed either. It's been too long for me to really even tell if I like or dislike this album even vaguely more or less than I used to. I honestly don't know how I feel about Countdown to Extinction: do I kind of like it for not entirely sucking? Do I dislike it for being pretty boring? Do I hate it for being the beginning of the end for one of my most beloved bands of all time? **** if I know. I suppose my indifferent ambivalence is the real verdict.

What the ****, Dave? What the ****?

**** it, I think I'm gonna revisit a few more metal albums from my younger days that I haven't listened to in years out of indifference. I mentioned in the above review that Metallica were my gateway to metal, and I can't overemphasize that. The first four albums I ever bought were Master of Puppets, Load, Reload, and Ride the Lightning. I was quite simply obsessed and listened to almost nothing else for god knows how long.

I loved Metallica like I've loved no other band before or since. Maybe that's down to being older and less passionate about things in general, but I think it's also because my eventual disillusionment with them being sellouts* left me too scarred to ever really give my heart and soul to a band like I did with them. I honestly don't even really feel nostalgia toward Metallica, so deeply did I cut out any positive feelings toward them I had as a kid.

It's no wonder I went straight to Megadeth and Dave Mustaine afterward. We both shared a hated enemy who we wanted to see dead (Luckily we've both moved on from such childishness. >_>)

* It was no later than 2002-2003 when I made this "discovery". Hey, we were all mindless sheep when we were in high school.

But that's neither here nor there. So, The Black Album. Haven't listened to this album in dogs' years, and I've somehow been able to avoid "Enter Sandman" for so long that it's entirely possible that my overexposure to it has worn off. Not gonna hold my breath though. I heard that song WAY too many ****ing times in high school. Way too many ****ing times. It was the early 2000s and my local rock radio station was still playing it seemingly every hour on the hour.

**** it, all the things I said about Countdown to Extinction pretty much apply to my current opinion of The Black Album, so let's just get down to business...




1. Enter Sandman: Damn. Jumping right into the deep end, huh. Well, let's see if my indifference has worn off.

That is a pretty cool build up. I'll give the song that. And it kicks off pretty hard as well. Nah, though. The initial thrill has still worn off. It's certainly a catchy song, but... I'm over it as much as I ever was. Without that kick-in-the-nuts ear worm quality, this song just doesn't have enough going for it to reignite any fire under my ass.

Two minutes left and I'm already waiting for it to be over. Why was this ever my favorite song in all the world again?

2. Sad but True: Don't get me wrong, I'd probably like this song a lot better if "Harvester of Sorrow" hadn't already existed. Metallica just self-plagiarized themselves with this one, and dumbed themselves down in the process. The original is brutal as all ****, but this just isn't nearly as good.

And again, I've just heard this far too many times for it to have much impact. It just feels like I left a boring conversation in a party to go smoke a cigarette, forgot exactly what the people were talking about, came back in, and then remembered why I left in the first place. And now I'm kept hostage, since leaving a second time would just be rude.

3. Holier than Thou: Finally, a song I haven't heard five million and one times. And I was already over the band by the time I got into marathon music downloading sessions, so I don't think I ever even listened to this that many times.

I'm getting the same lobotomized thrash vibe that I did from a lot of Countdown to Extinction, but at least this pulls off the arena hard rock thing off with more personality than that album [I'm looking this over after about a half hour later, and I take it all back. Up with Countdown and **** this ****]. Still, I'm only mildly interested. Maybe I shouldn't have burned myself out on mediocre Megadeth, cause mediocre Metallica is becoming a chore.

What's next? "The Unforgiven"? Good. I actually still like that song.

4. The Unforgiven: I love the epic, tragic vibe of this song. Even though I've heard it more times than the sound of my hand on my penis it's still pretty great. Just metal enough to be badass, melodic enough to tug at the heart strings, and it's somehow catchy in a low-key kind of way that doesn't become irritating with overexposure.

Maybe a bit overlong, but I'm probably just in need of some powerviolence after all this tepid hard rock/metal-lite.

5. Where Ever I May Roam: Probably the only other overexposed song that I have hope of still liking. It's different enough, with too much coolness going on, for me to ever truly get over. Yeah, it's sounding pretty nice.

Alright, maybe I have heard this too many times. The main riff is awesome, but not enough to keep me from getting bored for a whole six minutes and forty-four seconds. Yeah I'm fading. At least the songs on Countdown were short, but there are way, WAY too many songs over five minutes on this thirteen-song album.

Wait a minute, why is "So What?" at the end? That was most definitely not on The Black Album. I guess they've since thrown it on as a bonus track? Whatevs. I remember it being a fun song.

6. Don't Tread on Me: I know I said in the last review that James' vocals on this album weren't as embarrassing as Dave's on his, but at least Mustaine's goofy singing had character. James Hetfield is just boring as a hard rock singer. On paper he's any band's dream, but... I don't know. I just don't at all care about what he's doing.

I remember that I'd never heard this song on the radio, and then 9/11 hit and it was everywhere. Of course us Americans were all about it back then, cause 'Murica, but now it's just bleeding into the rest of the surprisingly faceless pseudo-thrash on this album. Which is weird, cause they don't all sound alike, but they all have some variation of the same unmemorable chugging riffs.

7. Through the Never: And yet another interchangeable not-thrash tune, except that this is one of the filler tracks on the album. So it's even more unmemorable. God, now I wish I could go listen to Countdown to Extinction. I think I might after this, just out of spite.

The old, childhood hate is slowly returning, except due to boredom rather than some silly sense of betrayal.

Aw, ****! The next song is...

8. Nothing Else Matters: **** me. This song is six and a half minutes long and I'm already bored from the last seven songs. Remember how I said Metallica plagiarized themselves with "Sad but True"? Well this is a second-rate dead ringer for "Fade to Black" (which is one of my all-time fav Metallica tunes, unlike this snoozefest).

When James sings "Never cared for what they do! Never cared for what they know! But I know!", it just sounds so awful. You can't sing, dumbass. Stop trying. You got away with it on "The Unforgiven", but you've lost the plot on this one. God, now that I'm paying attention his whole performance on this song is just an abortion.

Is this song over? I think so. Yup. Thank god. Never realized just how much I hated it. I always thought I was just indifferent. I was wrong.

9. Of Wolf and Man: I have some hope for this song. I seem to remember still digging it even after I stopped liking this album, so it's possible this could rejuvenate me. Yeah, the chugging riffs are a bit more memorable this time, and it's only a little over four minutes long.

But there are still four more songs I have to slog through. I wasn't prepared for just how much I don't care about The Black Album. I seriously didn't start this for the express purpose of ****ting on it, it just sorta happened. I think I might actually rather listen to St. Anger to be perfectly honest, but don't quote me on that. I'd definitely rather listen to Load or Reload.

10. The God That Failed: Alright, this is yet another mid-paced chugger, but that's a pretty sweet riff. Okay, only five minutes long. That's not too bad. I can last this one out without hating its guts. Probably. Don't quote me on that.

11. My Friend of Misery: I was just going back to make a comment in the middle of song three, so I missed the transition, but **** this song too. And it's almost seven god damn minutes long. I guess they justify that by making it kinda ballady (cause ballads need to be long, right?) but really it's just more boring, mid-paced, boring, tepid, boring rock-thrash. God damn it.

How much left? Only two and a half minutes? Good? Still too damn long.

12. The Struggle Within: And here we come to the last of the filler tracks, and the end of the album. Thank. ****ing. God. I was ready for Countdown to be over, but I wasn't praying for it. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god, James Hetfielf may even sound ****tier here than on "Nothing Else Matters" (I just had to take almost ten seconds to remember the title because that's how fried my brain is from the deluge of mediocrity). He's got this goofy rhythm going on that makes it clear why they stuck this (thankfully short) ****fest at the back of this album.

**** it. I'm cheating.

*skip*

13. So What?: Seriously, does anyone else remember this song being on this album? I thought it was some cover from Garage Inc. I also don't remember it being this boring. It's not awful or anything, but whatever the original sounds like must have far more energy than this. Merely a meh, rather than a "**** all of this and everything that Lars Ulrich cares about !".

NO NO NO NO DON'T YOU DARE START TO REPLAY!!! **** YOU, "ENTER SANDMAN"!!! **** YOU SO HARD!!!


Alright, so, that wasn't good. Honestly, each individual song isn't so bad, and a few of them are even good, but when taken all in one sitting, one HOUR AND SIX MINUTE LONG SITTING, it becomes torture. My indifferent quasi-dislike has just become a grudge. Next time some twat comes to this site with an "Everybody hates on this album, but it's not nearly as bad as all these mindless sheep make it out to be" or a "Say whatever you want to about it, but it sold more copies than you ever could" or even "It's not that great, but I still kinda like it", I'm going to jump down their throat and **** them in the mouth. Seriously. The Black Album just made an enemy.

Someone get me Dave Mustaine's number.

You forgot to talk about the overproduced, POS album cover.

The Batlord More Succinctly Reviews The Black Album

Any questions?

My comment about the album cover was directed to the Megadeth album, fyi.

In keeping with the theme of dragging out albums I hate from bands I love, I'm giving United Abominations yet another shot.

I dug this when it came out, but I was just a tad too far past my thrash obsession be all "OMG MEGADETH DO MOAR THRASH!!!", so the only thing really affecting my objectivity was the constant hope that Megadeth, ****ing Megadeth, would make a comeback worthy of the name. Previous album The System Has Failed was surprisingly good, but with a back end that was nothing special, making me cautiously optimistic that Dave's quality control was still intact, even if the band was clearly permanently past its prime.

As time trudged on unfortunately, and I wore out the first half of United Abominations (I was never sold on it enough to bother playing it back-to-front that often), my appreciation for it dropped steadily: the laughable political lyrics were always awful and annoying, even for someone who doesn't tend to pay attention to them; there were some quality tunes, but not a one that could compete with the best from almost any previous 'Deth album, which all had at least ONE song that just knocked it out of the park; but what really began to turn me off the most about the album was just how stale and lacking in energy it was, making it obvious that Dave really didn't give much of a **** about making anything approaching thrash, but, after failing to maintain any mainstream longevity, felt obligated to cater to a new fanbase of dumb kids who wished it was the eighties.

I don't care if Dave doesn't want to do thrash anymore, and I'm no longer emotionally invested enough in the band to feel offended that I'm basically being condescended to. I can't even fault the guy for his pragmatism, as I doubt he has much in his bank account these days, so more power to him if he can trick some idiots out of their money. It's the seeming lack of giving any kind of **** about even making music in the first place that destroys this album for me. United Abominations simply has no heart or soul.

But let's see if my opinion has changed...




1. Sleepwalker: Coming out of the gate with one of the few actual thrash tunes on the album, Megadeth make a decent stab at old glories, but this would be a second-rate song on any of their better albums. The riffs aren't really all that memorable, and Mustaine's vocal performance is merely adequate. This just feels like thrash-by-the-numbers that doesn't even have the power of the more aggressive material on Countdown to Extinction or Youthanasia.

Not a bad song, but far from inspirational.

2. Washington Is Next!: And here we have the first of many political diatribes from Mustaine that comes across more as an excuse for him to bitch than to write an actual song. I dig it more than the last one though, as it has a bit of the speed metal energy of Rust in Peace. Certainly not bad, but I'm sure I'll forget what it sounds like once it's over.

The lyrics are also just confusing. He seems to weld apocalyptic, religious ranting onto political views that switch from social liberalism to right wing conservatism. I just get the feeling that even Dave doesn't quite know what he's on about.

3. Never Walk Alone... A Call to Arms: I actually forgot this song existed. It seems somewhere between the pop metal of the nineties and the quasi-thrash of half of Countdown to Extinction. It wouldn't feel out of place on that album, but it would also be one of the weakest tracks. It's pretty par-for-the-course here, though.

Dave seems to have a knack for writing tunes that sound good while you're listening to them, but fall right out of your head soon after. I have yet to actually dislike anything on this album, but nothing has grabbed me either.

4. United Abominations: This was one of the only songs on this disc that raised the bar back in the day, but it's also the most lyrically irritating. The main riff is just sick, but the minute-long, spoken word intro railing against the UN is just tedious. The rest of the song suffers from being a backing track to Dave's ranting against the government, while at the same time he condemns everyone who doesn't support it. What the **** are you even talking about, you nut?

Without all of that self-indulgent nonsense this would be a pretty top-notch outtake from Countdown. As it is, it's impressing me considerably less than it did eight years ago.

Oh my ****ing god, stop with the spoken word ranting! It's boring, you ass!

5. Gears of War: Mid-paced chuggery that is, again, a lost track from Countdown. Boring vocals are somewhat saved by a moderately killer riff, but anytime that riff isn't present this is kinda ****. I can dig this, but I won't be putting it on any Megadeth playlists (assuming I made playlists).

6. Blessed Are the Dead: God damn it. Its been three songs since Dave went on a religious spiel, but now he shoves it down our throats like a televangelist without any of the charisma.

Pretty much all the things I said about the previous tracks being cut-rate Countdown to Extinction apply here, but the riffs have a bit more energy and the chorus is easily the best yet, so this is as much a step-up as we're going to get. Probably the closest this album has come to a memorable song.

7. Play for Blood: And now the relative quality of the album drops off even further. This song is interchangeable with pretty much anything that has come before, but at this point album fatigue is making all the samey tracks run together. This might actually be just as good as the previous songs, but my lack of interest leaves me unable to care.

8. A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free): And here we have the pointless remake of "A Tout Le Monde" from Youthanasia. It's inferior to the original, making the inclusion of Christina Scabbia from Lacuna Coil the only reason to justify its existence. But she only appears briefly to backup Dave during the second verse and chorus and sing the short third verse, with a performance clearly aimed at not upstaging her temporary employer, so she doesn't even really add anything. The woman can certainly sing, but she's never allowed to shine in any way.

Next!

9. Amerikhastan: Not as hilariously **** a title as United Abominations, but this is still a truly cringe-worthy title, and it's schizophrenic anti-conservativism/anti-liberalism just make this song a lyrical cluster****.

It's also the most boring song on the album yet (at least the previous has some kind of historical value to make it memorable).

God damn it, Dave. This spoken word **** you insist upon is making a boring song downright intolerable. **** the things that exist in your heroin-damaged brain. They don't make any more sense out loud either.

10. You're Dead: It's almost like the title of this song was created for a "Most Generic Metal Song Title Ever" contest. It's complete lack of memorability is only matched by the stale music. Thankfully it's also the shortest song on the album.

11. Burnt Ice: Frozen water that has somehow been damaged by fire without melting. That's some poetry, Davey Dave. Almost thirty seconds in and I already can't remember what this song sounds like. This album just keeps progressively plummeting ever faster off of the "Who gives a ****?" cliff. What were critics smoking when they praised this wombat turd?

12. Out on the Tiles: God damn it, why did I download the Japanese version of this album? This would be over, but now I have to sit through a bonus track. Alright, **** this. This sucks just as much as the rest of the songs on the second half of United Abominations, and I see no reason to subject myself to more of this when it's not even on the actual album.


Yeah, my opinion hasn't changed much, except the songs I actually liked I now care about just as little as the rest. "Blessed Are the Dead" can live, but everything else can **** right off. Go back to pop metal, Dave, cause you can't write thrash for **** anymore. Risk is infinitely more entertaining than this... this.

Never really hated this album, but I've long since discarded it; if I'm on a Slayer binge then I really don't feel the need to go past Seasons in the Abyss. It was new when I started listening to the band, and I played it out a bit back then, but even then I only liked maybe half of the songs, and the rest just kind of bled together into a non-descript chugfest. Clearly the band were going after the nu metal, Slipknot contingent with this album, but at least they never toned down their assault in a misguided attempt at radio play. Unfortunately, though the music was never anything less than brutal, the Slayer gimmick had devolved into self-parody that tried way too hard to be controversial (God Hates Us All might be a cool album title, but god damn is it goofy.)

I'm not anticipating that I'll hate this, but I'm also not expecting to be wowed...




1. Darkness of Christ: I'm honestly a bit bitter at this track. The one time I saw Slayer in concert I was hoping they'd open with "Hell Awaits" and the backwards-chanting zombie intro, but got this instead. I suppose it's a more "relevant" intro in the modern sense, but still doesn't have quite the same charm. Still a damn good way to start off the album, and those riffs are just kickass.

2. Disciple: The first in the trio of opening songs that I remember being my favorite part of this album, and definitely the best of them. Pretty much every song is some variation of the mid-paced chugging showcased here, but "Disciple" simply rips. Definitely one of the best post-2000 Slayer songs by a Satanic mile.

It's certainly a bit Slipknotty, but pulls off that sound far better than that band could ever hope to. This is some sick ****, even if it doesn't have quite the same personality of Slayer's best material.

3. God Send Death: That slow-building intro, followed by a comparatively blistering riff assault, is another highlight. The song alternates between slow and menacing, and fast and brutal, keeping things from getting monotonous. It might not be thrash in the traditional sense, but it's infinitely closer than anything any of the other Big Four had released since the eighties.

It's more memorable than much of the material on the album, but I still wouldn't compare it to an "Angel of Death" or "Seasons in the Abyss". Totally solid though.

4. New Faith: The thrashy, post-thrash chugging continues with another album highlight, but it's also got a slightly cringe-worthy line with "I keep the Bible in a pool of blood so that none of it's lies can affect me!" that tries too hard to be offensive, but succeeds only in making Slayer sound desperate. Aside from that though, bitchin'.

5. Cast Down: I vaguely remember this being another good song, but by this point the chugging starts to become interchangeable, so otherwise good songs start to blur together into unmemorability. Luckily most songs don't go past the four-minute mark, so even if all the songs sound alike at least they don't outstay their welcome.

There's a tasty, sludged out section in the middle that's definitely more than a bit badass, giving a nice bit of variety to break up the brutal-yet-samey riffs of the rest of the album. Even if this isn't the best Slayer album, it's still far superior (so far) to 95% of other metal albums.

6. Threshold: This is by far the most nu metally track yet, with a quasi-hip hop vocal delivery and matching start/stop guitar rhythm. It's just a tad crap, but much of the rest of the song is more brutal chugging that fails to stick in your mind but serves its purpose for the song's two-minute run time.

Nothing bad on the album yet, or even truly mediocre, but I probably won't remember what most of the songs sound like after they're over.

7. Exile: It's a shame that Tom Araya's vocals have deteriorated to the point that he can't do much more than scream, but they still suit the music, so it's not much of a problem. They still contribute to the interchangeable nature of the music though.

This is yet another now-generic chugger, but retains the relative quality of the rest of the album, so while I'm not totally engaged, I'm not bored either. The album's only half-over though, so I don't see that lasting.

8. Seven Faces: After so long it's past time for some variety, but at least we finally get a bit with this track. Slower and sludgier than the preceding songs, with a sinister vibe, this song still isn't the most memorable, but it's a nice change of pace anyway.

9. Bloodline: Slayer has generally "evolved" from Satanic lyrics to simply anti-religious ones, and at first glance this seems a return to form (it's about a vampire). But this was actually written for the Dracula 2000 soundtrack, so it's not really old Slayer. Just cash-hungry Slayer.

Luckily it's one of the more memorable songs on God Hates Us All. It's as chuggy as the rest of the album, but it's also got a bit of catchy accessibility that makes me remember why it was one of my favs back in the day.

10. Deliverance: Another sludgy song that still chugs along with more riffs that could have been switched out with any from the rest of the album without anyone noticing. As such, it's no worse and no better, which at this point is getting kind of boring. If it hadn't been so long since I'd heard God Hates Us All I'd probably be getting album fatigue right now.

11. Warzone: Chug, chug, chug. I seem to remember liking this song a bit more than the rest of the album, and I guess the slight rise in tempo was the reason. It's post-thrash, but borders on actual thrash. However it's still not all that memorable.

12. Scarstruck: That is one dumb name. Apparently it's a bonus track that is for some reason not at the end of the album. Don't know why they felt the need to move it up the tracklist, as it's no different than anything before it, but it doesn't really matter as God Hates Us All doesn't actually have much in the way of an album flow anyway.

13. Here Comes the Pain: This song was actually recorded two years prior for a wrestling compilation (*snort*). I guess it's a tad more well-known because of it, but certainly not for being any better than anything else on the album. I could probably hit skip and miss nothing. I think I'll do that, actually.

*skip*

14. Payback: Definitely waiting for the album to be over now. Nothing I've hated, or even really disliked, but God Hates Us All just has nothing to recommend aside from its reliable intensity. As a soundtrack to a curb stomping, it's perfect, but as a unified listening experience you could just play the first few tracks and then go listen to better Slayer.

15. Addict: Last song and the second bonus track. Nothing different about this either (shocking).


Another album that hasn't really changed my opinion with time. Absence clearly does not always make the heart grow fonder. This is by no means terrible, it's just one of Slayer's weakest albums, though possibly their most brutal. This is a clear case of a once great band running on fumes and coasting along on the inertia of their core sound. I doubt I'll be going back to this anytime soon.

Yeah it's not good. I'm pretty sure that the old guy is supposed to be hanging himself BTW. He's suspended in midair like he's dangling from a noose, but I imagine the record company probably didn't want an album being targeted at the mainstream to have a depiction of suicide on its cover.

Breaking it was too quick and merciful a death. Don't you own a flamethrower?

I think partly because I've listened to it a bit more and it's grown on me, and partly because it's flaws now seem to pale in comparison to The Black Album, Countdown to Extinction has shot up in my esteem. I'd now elevate it from decent, to pretty darn good. So, one and a half thumbs up.

I considered taking my lighter to it, but I'd want to make a video of that, and I'm too lazy to figure out how to upload one to Youtube. The pieces are still here, though, so stay tuned... maybe.

I thought he was being possessed. Isn't there a scene in the exorcist where the possessed girl freakishly levitates off the bed or something? That's what I thought of when I saw the cover. Go figure.

I kind of just want to listen to and talk about Megadeth at the moment. I've listened to their first four albums enough times that I don't really have to rediscover them, and what's the point of agreeing with everyone on just how awesome a bunch of acknowledged classics are? So, let's go with Risk, an album that I feel gets a kinda sorta undeserved amount of hate. It's got some dumb songs, some crap songs, and is only a "risk" in that it's a thrash band who broke with thrash almost a decade ago finally dropping what little of that genre remained from their sound. I hear people say it's experimental, but how experimental really is a pop metal/rock album?

But the first half is fun as hell, "Insomnia" kicks more ass than any song they'd written in years, and it's always nice to see a bunch of mindless thrash purists sulking just cause a band isn't self-plagiarizing material from a musical eternity ago.

So...




1. Insomnia: Love the weird, Eastern guitar lines that kick this song off, and then it just explodes into some kind of mutant pop metal that might actually qualify as experimental. Lots of weird things going on, often almost buried under the dense, slick production which makes for a song that sounds unlike anything the band had done previously, and which should have been Mustaine's answer to the shallow arena metal of Metallica's '90s music.

It also kicks more ass than a fair amount of Megadeth's thrash material. It's not mosh metal, but it's got so much energy and oddball brutality that it still demands your head to bang. Definitely one of the best songs in the band's back catalog.

2. Prince of Darkness: In the great tradition of Megadeth songs with silly, cheesy lyrics, we have this ridiculous song about Satan... I think. Can never tell if Mustaine is being serious or if he's just really good at making metaphors look like dumb, literal nonsense.

Regardless, this isn't as amazing as the above song, but it's still a lot of fun. Kind of a "Symphony of Destruction"-style, mid-paced chugger, with a bitchin' main riff, but with a "spooky" atmosphere that I hope is tongue-in-cheek (can never tell with Mustaine). I loved this song as a teenager, disavowed it for years afterward, but now find myself loving anew its trashy cheese.

3./4. Enter the Arena/Crush 'Em: This was seriously Dave Mustaine's attempt at making a song that would get play in sports arenas. The man is nothing if not shameless, but at least he's hilarious about it, rather than suing the internet for sharing his music for free (:finger:). This song is the dumbest thing Dave ever wrote (maybe) and is another one that I loved as a teenager, loathed after I turned away from "false metal", and now find, to my delight, is such irredeemable garbage that I can only love it to bits.

The omnipresently slick and dense production of this album, along with the idiotic lyrics about... beating someone up I think, make this song too silly to really be credible to anyone over the age of 15, but if you can unhook your brain, the mindlessly simple, anthemic, disposable, quiet verse/loud chorus, arena metal stupidity of "Crush 'Em" is so awful it's brilliant.

I probably listened to this song roughly as many times as "Enter Sandman" in high school, and yet I still like this a hell of a lot more, so clearly there's something more going on here (like that sub-NIN electronic beat throbbing under the instrumentation, like a vein on Frownland's forehead as he listens to this) than that shit-turd. I think that might be the difference between the two bands at the time: one was perhaps more accomplished, but the other had a dubious, fun personality that made them a far less sterile listen.

5. Breadline: This doesn't even half qualify as metal. This is just unrepentant pop rock that I'm sure sent Megadeth's old fans into fits of frothing, denim-fueled rage, and it's catchier than a baseball with herpes.

Anyone with a love for AOR would probably *** in their pants at this kind of song that's really just an excuse for the infectious chorus.

6. The Doctor Is Calling: And here we have the first misstep. I think Dave was seriously going for unsettling with the atmosphere of this song, but just like everything else on this album, what you get is goofiness. Unfortunately, since the attempt is so obviously at odds with the result, the song is dragged down.

If you can ignore that though, you have a song that's not as good as the previous four, and more than a little disposable, but still entertaining enough to justify its existence. And that failed atmosphere actually makes this song far more memorable than it would be if it were on any other Megadeth album. The production is a double-edged sword I guess, but if you don't take the music too seriously it adds more than it takes away.

7. I'll Be There: Dave definitely front-loaded the album with the heavier tracks, as most of what's left barely even touches at metal, if it does at all. This starts with a bit of honest-to-god harsh noise, before going full pop rock. An odd way to introduce a song like this, but I guess that might be a little of the experimentation Dave was going for.

It's been a while since I got this far on this album, so I wasn't aware that this is apparently a bit of a lost gem. Power pop gold is what this is. Alright, maybe silver, but it's still pretty darn good.

I also never noticed just how dense the production was on this album, but with headphones, it's either overbearing in an annoying way, or immersive in a wonderfully oddball way. Thankfully, since I'm a cheeseball, I go with the latter. Gone is the metallic crunch of the previous two albums (Youthanasia and Cryptic Writings), to be replaced by an indefinable, thick layer of something or other that really brings songs to life that maybe wouldn't be quite as good otherwise.

8. Wanderlust: There's that massive, slick production again, making an otherwise thin guitar line into a melodic wall that is somehow just a tad sinister. Which then drops down into a delicious pop rock chorus that sounds somehow wide open, whereas the song had previously been more than a little claustrophobic.

In a live setting, this song would probably fall flat, but as an overproduced bit of studio trickery, it's actually kind of great. Terribly good at the very least. And nothing less than memorable in a way that much of the band's other '90s work failed to be.

9. Ecstasy: Some pop rock that borders on soft rock here. Dave's quiet vocal is mixed louder than usual over the music, so it feels like he's speaking directly into your ear, which makes what might otherwise feel limp into a strangely intimate experience, and of course there's a great chorus in there, made quietly massive by an engulfing wall of production.

I never thought much of this album being experimental, but the studio work that went into this must have been a massive departure for Dave, who'd previously approached his pop metal with the same production mentality as if he was making a metal record. I'm not comparing this to the Flaming Lips, but Risk uses that same idea of immersing you in the production, and it's working far better than I ever remember it. Let me give this a few spins and there's a chance I might be calling this the best Megadeth album not released between 1985 and 1992.

10. Seven: The closest to a metal track since "The Doctor Is Calling", but this is still basically power pop. Not nearly as production heavy as the last few tracks, this song is allowed to breath, capturing an infectious energy that drives it forward in a similar way to "Skin O' My Teeth" or "High Speed Dirt" from Countdown to Extinction, albeit in a more melodic fashion. Nice.

11. Time: The Beginning: A double suite of songs about time or some ****. I'm kind of worried that this album is about to jump the shark, which would totally bum me out. I'm hoping that it going out with a bang rather than a misfire, as that would put a sour note on a listening experience that I really wasn't expecting to enjoy as much as I currently am.

Okay, super melodic guitar, with vocals that might just be a bit overwrought (Dave really can't sing, and how he gets away with it so often is beyond me). This is just kind of dull right now. Two out of three minutes over and it's pretty much gone nowhere. Definitely a misfire, but maybe the second song will save whatever idea the band was going for...

12. Time: The End: Hey, a riff that might turn out to be kind of badass.

I see Cronos?

WTF?

Alright, nevermind, this song seems to be going all over the place. First a harder riff, then some kind of pseudo-epic thing, and then it devolves into a dissonant cacophony that's more head-scratching than interesting. And then it just kind of trails off into something or other.

Yup, these last two songs totally jumped the shark. The first could have been about two minutes shorter (i.e. been a short intro to the second), and the second could have been given longer than two-and-a-half minutes to go... somewhere that made sense. I'm not sure I want to give Dave more time with it, but it's not doing much more than sit at the end of the album like a turd right now, so nothing to lose, right?

Oh god, what if he was going for a prog epic but the record company stormed the studio and forcefully removed him? What if they left him be? That would be awful. Alright, I'm happy with three minutes of boredom and two-and-a-half of pointless weirdness.


Well, aside from those last two, and "The Doctor Is Calling" to an extent, I kind of loved all of that. ****in' A, I never thought I'd say that about Risk. I mean, it's not like I haven't given this record enough chances and been underwhelmed each time. I guess this is just a headphones album or something. Or at least half the album needs headphones to appreciate ("Crush 'Em" requires only a small portion of one's brain).

I've seen Mustaine comment that if this album hadn't been sold under the Megadeth name then it would have actually sold, and I now think he might have been right. There are plenty of songs on Risk that could have dominated the radio, from "Insomnia", to "Breadline", to "Crush 'Em", to "Ecstasy", to etc, this album is chock full of potential radio fodder and it's a ****ing shame that it wasn't given the chance. The poor douchebag just can't catch a break, can he?

I think this might actually be the pop metal quasi-masterpiece that we all thought Dave might have been capable of but never quite achieved. The songs might not all be quite brilliant, and some of the lyrics are truly cringe-worthy, but the production really elevates this album to a level I don't think anybody would really expect, given the massive bias against it. And this is easily the most diverse set of songs ol' Davey Dave ever put out, which makes this a highly interesting listen to boot (assuming cheesy, overproduced pop rock/metal interests you).

So, put all preconceived notions aside, listen to Risk, and you just might find one of your new favorite Megadeth albums. Either that or I'll be the lone voice defending it... anywhere.

You must have good eyes to see that tiny tv screen behind you :yikes:

I don't use that TV. It's just kind of there, collecting dust. Never hurts to have an extra TV around.

And sitting directly to the left of the TV? The Death Star.

Is it like this Death Star, as I had this when I was a kid.

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t..._palitoy-2.jpg

Nah, this one...


http://img.clasf.mx/2015/02/02/Death...0202011424.jpg

That one is a lot more modern, on the one I put it had also the trash compactor as well and this is the other side of that Death Star.

http://www.toltoys.com/uploaded_imag...070-760468.jpg

That's some mighty fine cheap cardboard.

Today that cheap cardboard is a collector's item.

Over the past few months I've become addicted to these people: Pewdiepie, Markiplier, Day[9], jacksepticeye, Game Grumps, and, most recently, Jev, are at least as entertaining to me as a good album or movie. Hell, watching them play video games can be even better than playing them myself... especially certain games.

Ahem.

Some don't get it, but it's pretty obvious why some do. These people have much the same allure as a comedian or radio show host: they put their personality out there for our entertainment, and we connect with them on a level that is at once different, and yet the same as how we form relationships with "real" people.

Another aspect of the phenomenon that is often integral to the experience is that many of the most popular games for them to play are those with a good storyline, or at least one that makes the action on screen feel like more than just action on a screen. Watching Markiplier creep his way through Alien: Isolation, or Pewdiepie make an ass of himself on Deadpool, or Day[9] devolve into a crying girl before our eyes during Amnesia: The Dark Descent, is almost like watching an actual movie, except one where, while the story might be scripted, the rest is entirely spontaneous. And if you've been following the Youtuber's videos you're also watching the movie with an old friend.

The Future...?

It's easy to not think much of all this, until you find out that that retarded man-child Pewdiepie is making almost $7,000,000 a year, and has a net worth of 12 million. Like, WTF, right? He's easily the most popular Youtuber out there, with someone like Markiplier being worth a pitiful $2 million. N00b.

How is this possible? **** if I know. Endorsements of some sort or another, I guess. But regardless, this is clearly a business with potential, and I'm curious as to how this will evolve. Will some kind of soulless, corporate apparatus develop which will suck the life out of Let's Play commentaries? Can that even happen? **** if I know. But considering that these people are often more popular amongst the younger generation (I'm looking at you, Pet_Sounds) than "legitimate" celebrities, much like reality stars like Kim Kardashian have been bigger than Jesus over the past decade, I'm kind of fascinated as to how far this can all go.

Pewds on TMZ?

Another thing on the business side of things is the influence that these people have had on the industry itself. From what I understand, Amnesia: The Dark Descent wasn't really that well known until the Youtubers got to it, and now who hasn't heard of it? Now the same developers, Frictional Games, have released SOMA, and of course I'm in the middle of watching Zev play it, and I question whether or not they would have been able to release a game with such high production values if not for the unexpected success of Amnesia, which is at least in part due to the Youtubers.

Another thing I hear is that companies often send copies of their games to these folks as advertisement. I mean, what's going to get you more sales: a review in Game Informer, or a playthrough on Pewdiepie's channel? On the possibly negative side, I've heard that games are now starting to be made which are specifically targeted at the people watching these videos, as opposed to the gaming community in general, which is, you know, maybe not the best thing if it's true, but **** happens I guess.

I guess to expand on both the above paragraphs, one of the most popular type of games for Youtubers to play is the horror genre, for obvious reasons. For a very long time, I can't remember all that many horror games coming out. Sure, they were there, but not that many -- especially after their heyday on the original Playstation when Resident Evil and Silent Hill were still new concepts -- and not that high profile. But unless I'm just more tuned in due to the videos I've been watching (and I probably am) there does seem to be a bit of a renaissance going on in the past few years: Amnesia, Slender, Five Nights at Freddy's, Dead Space, and most recently games like The Evil Within, SOMA, and mother****ing Alien: Isolation.

I highly doubt that the resurgence in horror games would be happening without the Youtubers. So, love them or hate them, they're probably not going away anytime soon, and I suspect their influence on gaming itself will only grow... for better or worse.

And if you have yet to watch any of these people, then...





Well, I guess I'm done "bloviating" for now, so if you liked this post, hit the like button at the bottom LIKE A BOSS, and subscribe to become a Bat-bro today. And as always, I'll see YOU... in the next entry.

Bye bye!



http://i.imgur.com/3QrEQ3a.png

Responding to my name-drop: I have never seen a video by any of the YouTubers you mentioned.

That's cause you're a Canadian ballsack.

The Batlord, Ke$ha, and the Party of Doom

So I'm sure you've all been wondering just how a True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber such as myself could stoop to such shameless Ke$ha worship. Well, it all started on one fateful, Friday night in the summer of something or other...

I was searching for poseurs to pound on, just like any other Friday night, and -- through a strange and awesome series of events concerning a cross country road trip to Vegas, an unsettling encounter with a midget stripper and a bag of what I thought was coke, all culminating in what may or may not have been a psychedelic shoot out in a cowboy ghost town -- I just so happened to be doing so after waking up in a dirty alley while being urinated on by a hobo in Los Angeles, California. A lesser man would have been too busy panicking over being lost on the other side the country with no money, no phone, and no pants to be thinking about beating up poseurs, but I am no such pussy. (Thank Dio for Rodeo Drive clothing shops with non-shatter proof store windows.)

So, brand new pants on my perfectly-sculpted ass and still smelling strongly of bum piss I climbed the fence to a gated community which looked to be prime poseur hunting grounds. My instincts proved correct, and my fists were soon caked with hipster blood and expensive dental work. It was shaping up to be a pretty good night, but I was starting to feel a serious craving for booze and drugs.

As if by providence I heard the strains of ****ty dubstep as my latest victim collapsed in a heap of flannel and ironic facial hair. Obviously I had no desire to listen to dubstep, but I knew an obnoxious house party when I heard one, and my beer sense was tingling.

With one final steel-toed kick to the mostly alive poseur douchebag's stomach, I set off to get my **** wrecked.

I scored pay dirt, too. I didn't know or care what ******* this house belonged to, but it was ****in' ace: big god damn mansion with a circular driveway (that's how the **** you know you made it), backyard pool full of naked chicks, and more **** to drink, smoke, and snort than even I could possibly handle. I got some funny looks from all the trust fund toolbags for my Morbid Angel shirt, denim jacket, and general state of being covered in blood and urine, but a blender full of margaritas to the face of some hipster put a stop to that ****.

It was all going good and I was getting well and truly ****ed up, thinking about skeezin' on some trashy, hipster skanks, when some blonde chick covered in glitter stomped up to me with a bitchy look.

"Hey, *******! Why are you hitting my guests in the face with blenders?!"

"Cause they're ****ing douchebags. **** your house. Hey, aren't you that Kesha chick?"

"It's Ke$ha, ****wad!"

"Oh... your music sucks."

I would have said some other ****, but I was struck by just how adorable she looked when kicking me in the nuts.

A lesser man would have collapsed in pain after taking a swift kick to the nards, but I'm a True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber, so I just asked if she wanted to give me a blow job.

You'll never know how sexy it is when a hot chick punches you in the throat until a hot chick punches you in the throat. I think I was falling in love.

She was about to call me some awesome name, but then some dude yelled like a pussy...

"It's the cops!"

"God damn it," said Ke$ha, "****ing pigs always trying to shut my parties down."

She stalked through the wussed out crowd of now scared panty-waists and barged out the door.

This shindig was just getting good, so I wasn't about to let some *******s spoil my fun. Beer and blunt in hand I followed her, ready to kick some fuzz ass.

Like, five cop cars were parked out on the street, and Ke$ha went up to the closest one. The officer was just getting out of his car, and was all like...

"Alright, we got fifteen noise complaints from the neighbors, so we're shutting this party down! Everybody go home!"

Ke$ha didn't even say ****. She just judo chopped him in the neck, dropping him like a sack of donuts.

I was definitely in love.

Then all the other pigs got all douchey and pulled out their guns, telling her to get down on the ground.

**** that ****. I chugged my beer, finished the blunt in one metallic toke, and grabbed the unconscious pig's gun (I'd lost my AK-47 in my other pants).

Now the other cops decided to **** with my ****, so I shot one of them in the balls and took cover behind the police cruiser. Ke$ha reached into car and took out a shotgun, firing a warning shot in another pork-meister's face, before ducking down next to me.

Thankfully all the return fire drowned out the dubstep.

"What do we do now, Ke$ha?"

"What do you think, loser? Time to shoot some pigs."

"**** yeah."

And so we rushed from behind the car and unleashed hell.

All the Saints Row I'd been playing had paid off, the cops being no match for my mad skillz, and Ke$ha was the perfect wingchick, taking out mother****ers left as I ****ed **** up right.

The police tried, they really did, but they were no match for a True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber such as myself... and Ke$ha. It wasn't long before reinforcements showed up, along with SWAT *******s armed with automatic weapons.

It was awesome.

Even SWAT couldn't **** with our ****, though, and I was contemplating inventing a new sex act suited to urban combat, but then the helicopter arrived.

Apparently the LAPD considered black people such a nuisance that they armed their helicopters with mini-guns, forcing Ke$ha and I to take cover behind a SWAT van, but even its bullet-proof armor wouldn't last long against that kickass hail of lead.

"********," said Ke$ha, "If I could just get my anti-tank sniper rifle from my bedroom..."

I wanted this bitch to abort my children.

"You know..." I said, "Since we're about to die, I just thought up this new thing we could do."

But before she could almost certainly agree, the night was pierced by the offensively loud roar of a Harley Davidson.

"What the **** is that?!" screamed Ke$ha.

"Dude, I think I know. He always shows up when the **** hits the fan."

"He who?"

I cracked a ****-eating grin.

"The ****ing man, dude."

The mini-gun stopped firing for a moment as the pig operating it scanned the street for the new arrival, only to shriek like a bitchass little girl as a rocket-propelled grenade slammed into his face.

With a kickass "BOOM!" the helicopter exploded, raining flaming shrapnel down on the houses of the toolbag neighbors, burning them and their ugly children alive.

Awesome.

The street now silent -- one of the propeller blades had landed on Ke$ha's house, killing all the hipsters and stopping the dubstep -- but for the approaching motorcycle pulling up along side us, Ke$ha and I stood to greet our savior.

Joey DeMaio of Manowar, RPG slung over his shoulder.

"Dude," I said, "One of these days I'm gonna save your ass."

"Not gonna happen. I win my cop shootouts."

I wasn't about to admit the truth of that statement.

"Hey, aren't you Ke$ha? Your music sucks."

I don't know how you kick someone in the testicles while they're sitting on a motorcycle, but she's just that awesome.

"So, anyway," said Joey, completely unaffected, "I would stay, but it looks like all the booze and drugs got burned up, so I'm gonna go."

"Oh..." I responded, "Just like that?"

"Yup."

"Well... thanks."

"No problem. And Ke$ha, your music sucks, but you're an alright chick."

And with a mighty rev of his bike's engine, Joey DeMaio rode off into the night.

"Well, wasn't that some ****?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go buy some Manowar albums."

"You'll have to order them off their website. They don't have a distribution deal in America."

"This country's full of ****ing poseurs."

"I know."

We had a long talk after that, but I'm not about to tell you losers about the details of our newfound love, so I'll just say that we banged on some dead cops and managed to find some vodka and heroin in the remains of her mansion.

I woke up some time later in Canada... alone. One day I'll go back and marry that chick, but until then I've got an entire nation of poseurs to wail on.

And I've been bumpin' her music ever since.

The ****ing End

:laughing:

Everyone loves Ke$ha if they know what's good for them.

You have GOT to stop smoking that ****!

Oh, and FYI: I knew it was Joey the moment you mentioned "HE always shows up..." You're slippin', man. You're slippin'...

Any True Fan would.

You're calling me a True Fan now? Wow! I'm honoured!

Of me. Not metal. You're still a bog-jumping loser.

I know. And how dare you? I've never jumped in my life!

Batlord, you've opened my eyes. Ke$ha is not to be disrespected.

Everyone loves Ke$ha... or else.

Supergirl premieres tomorrow at 8:30, so stay tuned...

Probably gonna suck.

It kinda did, but I'm hopeful. It's done by the same people as Arrow, so I can't believe that it's gonna be totally awful, and pilots aren't exactly the best way to gauge a show's true quality. Either way I'm too lazy to make an entry about it.

yesistrue.

The Batlord's 1st List of the Top Ten Most Badass Metal Songs of All Time

Disclaimer: When it comes to metal my word is law, so if you disagree with any of my entries then it's because you're a poseur. Anyways...

"Badass" is a nebulous term. It doesn't necessarily mean the most intense or brutal. If it did then this would be nothing but death metal and grindcore. It's more a general vibe of "**** the hell yeah!", and if that doesn't make sense to you then you can **** off. I'm too drunk to make any more sense than that.

I was going through my library looking for a definitive top ten, but that quickly went to **** as my list grew and grew and grew, so I'm going to keep my giant list of badass metal songs and just pick and choose whenever the hell I feel like making another entry in this series. Ten songs each works, as it's not too much work for one entry, and most importantly, I can only put ten Youtube videos in one post. So in no particular order...





Amon Amarth are one of the melodic death metal bands who sound the least like Iron Maiden of all of their Maiden-thieving brethren, but this song captures that dynamic, galloping metal onslaught that Harris and crew perfected all those years ago far more effectively than In Flames or Soilwork ever did.

It's also ****ing badass. It's the end of the world on a broadsword basically. Makes me wanna kill something. With a broadsword.






OMFG that riff is so insane. All I wanna do is beat up small children while listening to this song on repeat. And Danzig is just the perfect singer to back it up. White boys generally suck at the blues, but guitarist John Christ (no relation) knew just how to drag them kicking and screaming out of the Bayou and down into the darkness of hell and metal. **** the hell yeah.






This song has had me by the nuts for months. It's so simple, yet so amazing. It combines primitive death metal fury with Asphyx's knack for absolutely crushing heaviness into a song that destroys everything in its ****ing path. And that breakdown around 2:15, right after vocalist Martin van Drunen barks the command "On your knees!", is one of the most badass things to ever happen to humankind.






It's a shame that Diamond Head's most badass song was made even more ****ing badass by another band, or else they might be sitting here instead, but Metallica did, so Diamond Head are not.

That riff is one of the most monstrous things ever spewed forth from metal, and it's made even more amazing by that crunchy, lo-fi, early Metallica production, and James Hetfield's roar improves upon the vocal delivery of the original in ever way that matters to sheer badassery.

I could drown babies to this song.






Riffs are everything that is good in life, and this song has one that obliterates. The energy, the brutality, the manic insanity (literally, cause that dude is clinically insane!) of Jaz Coleman's vocals all combine to make a badass metal song of epic proportions that has no business being made by a post-punk band. ****ing epic.






Being quite possibly my favorite metal band of all time, Bathory are going to feature in this series a lot. So let's start with a song that is right in the middle of their black metal and Viking metal phases, and also a song so badass that the English wet themselves at the very thought of it.

A riff from hell, mid-paced chuggery, and epic Viking-tasticness make The Batlord a happy Batlord, so it's no wonder that he considers this such a ****ing badass ****ing song. It just destroys in every possible way that a thing can be destroyed.






As I did Ke$ha, I brought Arkangel to MB, and for much the same reason: Satan fears their badassness. Picking the most badass Arkangel song is like picking your most badass kid. Except I like Arkangel.

Slayer leads combine with 90s hardcore breakdowns to pummel all but the most badass of metalheads into a fine paste, and that guitar feedback intro, which drops without warning into a pure metalcore hatefest, is a stroke of genius.






I could give a **** whether or not Magrudergrind are technically a metal band, cause this is sludge metal by any other name, and it is ****ing badass as all ****. The riff is monumental, the production gloriously fugly, and... that dude's vocals are just so hateful that I want to homo marry him. The only people who can't dig this song are bitches and Canadians.






I'm not always the biggest Pantera fan, but when they hit, they hit hard as a mother****er, and by their very nature, they hit badass pay dirt. They'll feature disproportionately in this section for that very reason, so I'm just going to pick what I consider to be their most brutal song for their first entry. This song is heavier than your mother's ass. Straight up.






This song is bad-to-the-****ing-ass. It's the death metal equivalent of a ballad (i.e. mid-paced, sludgy, and menacing), and it's the most evil-sounding thing the band ever did. The original is awesome, but just like every song off of the Covenant album, its production was kind of lightweight, but the Laibach remix makes everything even muddier and more ****ed up sounding. That's all the remix did, but that's all that I wanted in the first place, so thank you, Laibach, for doing your job correctly.

Machine Head's first album might have been kind of samey, but song-for-song it's one of the most badass albums ever recorded, and "Davidian" is the most badass song on it. Just crushing, with a riff to die for, and vocals to punch Barrack Obama in the face to. And the last minute or so of that one riff repeated over and over and over again is just brutal to the max. ****ing insane.





On their Blind album COC took Metallica's Black Album sound and made it not suck. I guess you'd call it post-thrash, but I just call it badass. "Vote with a Bullet" was one of, if not the only track with Pepper Keenan on vocals (I'm too new to COC to know), and as such it is the best of the bunch -- since Pepper Keenan is a true Metal God on the mic -- and crushes in much the same way as Machine Head. If you can't mosh to this track then your are a pussy.






HoF's Death Is This Communion was their first album I ever heard, and this being the opening track, "Fury Whip" was also my introduction to the band. It's definitely not the only song on this album that will be featured in this series, but it's the one that still resonates with me the most (only just). It's a crushing combo of stoner, doom, and post-thrash that beats your head into the dust in the most painful possible way. **** you and **** yeah!






Slaughter of the Soul is one of my fav metal albums of all time, but it's kind of a downer, so many songs that are truly badass are just a tad too nihilistic to really make the cut (which isn't a knock against them at all). "Suicide Nation" isn't quite my fav from the album, but it is the one track that I would say is elevated to pure badass status. That riff and the gun slide being wracked at the beginning are pure awesomeness embodied. More evidence that melodic death metal can be badass too.






TBH this song is almost too tongue-in-cheek and silly to qualify for true badass status, but its badass pedigree overcomes any possible asterisk. As always, this song has a monumental riff, and the lyrics about Christian armies crushing "heretics" (a thinly-veiled metaphor for doom metal legions obliterating all non-doom poseurs) are hilariously badass. A weird band, but truly badass when they can be bothered to dispense with depressing droning.






I wouldn't necessarily call this band underrated, as they have the one thing they do and not much else, but when it comes to truly brutal death metal that is also totally catchy, they stand toe-to-toe with Cannibal Corpse (while also being just as gloriously one-dimensional). I've only really checked out the one album -- Rise to Dominate -- but this song is the most brutal and badass of the lot, with the possible exception of "Helel Ben-Shachar", "Caressed By the Holy Man", and... other songs (might include at least one of them in later entries, cause they ****ing rule!).

Aeon are not a band to convert a non-death metal fan, but if you dig your DM brutal and fun and Satanic, then listening to one album of theirs is a must. And this song in particular will blow your socks off into the realms of Hades and beyond.






Goatsnake has many badass songs, ranging from stoner to stoner doom to pure doom, but this song in particular is the epitome of badass. It's absolutely heavy as **** stoner metal -- with a more-than-proper amount of mind-altering distortion -- while also being catchier than a slow, fly ball in baseball... but infinitely less boring. One of the hallmarks of a great song is that when it's short you feel satisfied with it's awesomeness, while being equally dissatisfied with its length. The great thing about stoner is that the songs are often simple and repetitive enough that repeated plays are just an exercise in getting exactly what you want without having to wait for the "good parts", since the whole thing is what you want all the time (just listened to this song four times in a row while doing this entry, and I'm just as happy as the first time it played).

Props for the Molly Hatchet-ish, Southern rock vocals which are just as badass as they are melodic.






Danzig are one of those bands that are going to feature more than once, so here's another track. Their first album (from which I took "Twist of Cain") was as much of a rock album as a metal one, but by their third album (which this song is from) they were very much a metal band, but unique in their influences and final sound. They were uncategorizable in much the same way that High on Fire are, with blues rock, doom, trad metal, and goth rock combining to somehow form a sound that encapsulated everything that was metal, while also sounding like no other metal band on Earth.

This song is one of the best from Danzig III: How the Gods Kill, and it is also arguably the most straight up badass (though other songs from that record will also feature later on). As always, John Christ delivers metallic blues riffs that are evil to the core, brutal yet catchy, and as badass as Hitler's German pinschers.






Much of early nineties thrash was just a tad too complex for its own good (due in no small part to the influence of Metallica's ...And Justice for All) and Devastation's final album fell prey to this to an extent, but the title track is just too heavy to deny. The whole song ****ing rules, but the bridge (or whatever), chorus, and riffs immediately after are just immense, and prove that badass can transcend wannabe-complexity-for-the-sake-of-complexity.






I don't have to explain what this song sounds like. You've either already heard it, or you are a poseur who likely has no interest in one of my journals and is therefore not even reading this (good!).

This song proved that falsetto vocals could be immensely badass ("Freewheel Burning" did to an extent, but "Painkiller" showed that song to be merely a taste of what was to come); the guitar work isn't quite thrash, while also putting 99% of thrash guitar to shame; and whoever the new drummer is is just a monster, bringing the band to previously unattainable levels of sheer badassery.