Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > The MB Reader > Members Journal
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-07-2016, 05:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Paedantic Basterd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 5,114
Default

I support your use of the Journals forum as an outlet, but I'm depressed enough on my own and I don't think reading your journal would be healthy for me.
__________________
Paedantic Basterd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 05:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
OQB
 
Olí Qwerty Bastard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Frownland
Posts: 8,738
Default

Ki
__________________
Music Blog / RYM / Last.fm / Qwertyy's Journal of Music Reviews and Other Assorted Ramblings

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord View Post
I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
Olí Qwerty Bastard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 05:50 PM   #13 (permalink)
Account Disabled
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: In the fires of your own disillusion
Posts: 684
Default

You should start going on walks, or start working out. Maybe do a random good deed a day to change your outlook and shift up your habits.
ChelseaDagger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
Key
hi
 
Key's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 12,038
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChelseaDagger View Post
You should start going on walks, or start working out. Maybe do a random good deed a day to change your outlook and shift up your habits.
That's pretty much what I do every day. Doesn't help much hut at least I'm in shape.
__________________

CWH
Key is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:21 PM   #15 (permalink)
Nobody likes my music
 
Trollheart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: In Cognito
Posts: 21,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paedantic Basterd View Post
I support your use of the Journals forum as an outlet, but I'm depressed enough on my own and I don't think reading your journal would be healthy for me.
One word: catharsis. I think this will be good for Ki, and it will also give those who might not be cutting him any or much slack (including me) to get a better handle on what he's going through. But it is intensely personal, so kudos to you Ki for being brave enough to put this out there. I hope it helps you in the long run.
__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
Trollheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
Midnight Rolls Around
 
Mrs. Tristan Rosenstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 4,034
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ki View Post
There are also times in my life (albeit more recently) where I've considered jumping out of a 3 story window and ending it there. But I don't. I have a lot to live for, at least that's what I like to believe. When written down on paper however, you'd have difficulty finding anything in my life that's worth living for. No girlfriend, no love life whatsoever, no aspirations, no degree, no end goal. I have a cat and click-bait. Pathetic right?
Wrong! You have friends like me and Qwertyy <3
__________________
I DON"T SMOKE CRACK MUDAFUCKKKA I SELL IIIIT!!!

YW Fam: All MB Music Projects Under One Roof

Emo/Pop Punk Journal


Quote:
Originally Posted by Neward Thelman View Post
"SMOKE CRACK MUDA****KKA"

I'll check that dictionary, but in the meantime I'm impressed - as is everyone else in the world - by your eloquence, obvious accomplishments and success, and the evidence of your blazingly high intelligence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frownland View Post
He just doesn't have a mind so closed that it rivals Blockbuster.
Mrs. Tristan Rosenstock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:28 PM   #17 (permalink)
Prepare 4 the Fight Scene
 
Mondo Bungle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,794
Default

I gave up on my "personal" journal since no one cares but I still think it's cool to do, so this is nice to be here.
__________________
https://www.last.fm/user/templeruins

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriphiel View Post
Hmm, what's this in my pocket?

*epic guitar solo blasts into my face*

DAMN IT MONDO
Mondo Bungle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:30 PM   #18 (permalink)
Key
hi
 
Key's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 12,038
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trollheart View Post
One word: catharsis. I think this will be good for Ki, and it will also give those who might not be cutting him any or much slack (including me) to get a better handle on what he's going through. But it is intensely personal, so kudos to you Ki for being brave enough to put this out there. I hope it helps you in the long run.
It's been helping me a lot actually. There are things I won't go public with but a lot of what will be here could and will be tough to read. But at some point I gotta release it. Happy to see support.
__________________

CWH
Key is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:53 PM   #19 (permalink)
Who wants this dick?
 
Dharma & Greg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 36,035
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
I gave up on my "personal" journal since no one cares but I still think it's cool to do, so this is nice to be here.
What are you talking about? We love that ****.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvin & Hobbes
To evaluate my character my immediate pleasure is being pitted against my future greed!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Franco Pepe Kalle View Post
The Batlord is amazing man. He loves some fine woman and he gets horny easily. What is better than that.
Dharma & Greg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2016, 06:53 PM   #20 (permalink)
Key
hi
 
Key's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 12,038
Default


Life: Part 2 (Self Discovery and Struggles)

There are plenty of people who may not be surprised to find out that I suffer from things that are within my own control to find the source of cure, but unfortunately with the lack of motivation, I deal with it. I've been told i'm bipolar and suffer a real taste of depression (no surprise). However, I also recently found out that I share a lot of qualities for someone that has aspergers syndrome. Basically what this means (and this doesn't necessarily flow into the forum) is that I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Which is part in due to my social awkwardness.

Let me tell you a story about Christmas a few years ago. Perhaps this was the worst thing I've ever done and I've yet to recover from it: Prior to literally a few months ago, there was a long time where our family was fighting with my older brothers girlfriend to see my nephew (my parents grandson, etc etc.) During this time, my older brother (who was sober) was doing everything he could to get the family on his side. Unfortunately until recently things were going great, he was going to get legal custody from her, and my nephew was going to live with my parents. Well, unfortunately for my older brother he is an addict, so he ended up living on the streets and dealing heroin instead of trying to get his son back. At this point, my family was pretty much done with him, and luckily we're able to see my nephew now because my older brothers ex has been cooperating since we're all dealing with his addiction. Anyway, back to the story. During the Christmas holiday, my older brother came over to my parents place, and so did I. As we were opening gifts, something was brought up in the sense of me losing someone's trust or whatever, and I blurted out "well no wonder your son doesn't love you." Bare in mind, this was at the peak of time where everyone was missing my older brothers son a lot. So you can only imagine the amount of shame I brought onto myself. Not to mention my parents, my siblings, my cousins, and my grandparents were in the room when I said it. Even though my older brother has forgiven me for that, I can never forgive myself. I think about that all the time because honestly, I wish I could go back to that day and keep myself from saying it.

I'm not saying the above was a result of aspergers. I'm saying I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and people with aspergers syndrome or any development disorders play into this type of thing. This is only a fraction of an example of why I've been led to believe I have this. Also not forgetting that my younger brothers girlfriend works at a mental institution of sorts, and my daily routines and behaviors fit that of someone who suffers from this ordeal.

Anyway, long story short. I have a problem with communication, and instead of thinking things through, I blurt things out. For whatever reason, if I don't get a say in something whether it's to start an argument or whatever, I get anxious. It's almost as if I'm trying to make myself be the center of attention so that I feel more depressed (enough to crawl back into my room and be alone). It's probably something to do with my defensive behavior not working the way it always has. Also keep in mind that during that Christmas specifically, it was at a point where I was working all the time, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown due to everything with my ex going on at that time. I hadn't moved out of my apartment yet, but she wasn't at Christmas that year. She was instead at home getting wasted without my supervision. So you can only imagine what I came home to. Yes, several bottles of liquor spread across the floor, and her passed out at the laptop I bought her a year prior.

What I'm mostly trying to get across here is that I really don't have much control over the way I react to arguments or criticism, so I go to what I know best and that is to be on the defensive and react to it accordingly. I apologize in advance if I've ever done this to any of you. Evident through the fact that every time I start a ****storm, I immediately PM that person or I apologize to them directly in the forum. You've seen me do it several times. I think part of that is why I always say not to take the things I say too seriously, because more than 90% of the time, I really have no idea what I'm starting or doing until it's too late.

If there is any doubt at this point, I do my best to keep myself from thinking things that bring me down, and honestly it's not as simple as "just think positive." I can't do that, especially this year. I mean...let's be honest, 2016 hasn't been a great year, and for me specifically, I've lashed out at people because of what I've gone through. I know i'm not the one person going through ****, but this was the year that my entire life fell apart. It was as if the years prior to this year were preparing me for the ****storm that was to occur. Pretty soon hopefully I'll be able to bring together enough thought to talk about how I was raised and give you an idea of certain things I've never gone public with in order to throw forward some understanding as to why I behave the way I do. Until that point, I appreciate you guys reading these posts, and a part 3 of my life will be posted soon. I'm hoping to have it focus on my earlier years.
__________________

CWH
Key is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2019 Advameg, Inc.

SEO by vBSEO 3.5.2 ©2010, Crawlability, Inc.