A Journey Through The Mind of a Loner: A Kiiii Story

Mondo Bungle · 12-08-2016, 01:12 PM

I never know if it's cool or not

Key · 12-08-2016, 03:47 PM

Me vs Relationships

It may sound weird, but I have a love/hate relationship with...well...relationships. I know I'm not entirely experienced and I really don't have much to say given my failure of the 3.5 year relationship that ended in absolute chaos. I absolutely love to hear about people finding their loved ones and getting married and starting a family. That is what life is about isn't it? Well, my hate for the whole ordeal comes from my own insecurity and the fact that I'm a firm believer of there not being someone out there for everybody.

I know somehow religiously or otherwise, people seem to think that we were all put onto this earth to find our other half. And y'know, I've had my close encounters with several people that I truly believed were my other half, but as you probably read from my last entry, I'm not very good at going anywhere past a crush. What I mean by that is that I've never really learned how to ask anyone out, or how to tell if the feelings our mutual between myself and someone else. This results in me giving up on the idea altogether and watching as my previous crushes enjoy their new relationships. That's fine and all and I'm always going to be happy for them for finding happiness of their own, but back in my mind I always wonder what life would be like had I grown the balls to be the guy they're with.

I've been told I'm someone people can trust and I'm someone most people would love to be with. But my own insecurities and unwillingness to allow someone else to live in the emotional distress I live with takes over. I am absolutely 100% to blame for not allowing myself to give into a relationship, and I know I need to fix that, otherwise I'll be 40 years old living in a 1 bedroom apartment with my cat. And y'know, that wouldn't sound so bad if I wasn't constantly surrounding by people that are happy and in a relationship.

Again, I want to stress that I have no distaste for people finding happiness and growing a family, but I really just can't see myself in that life. And I know why that is. Am I really looking to fix it? Not really. I mean, I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship. I know what it takes to keep a relationship strong, and I really don't want to put that much attention into it when I personally wouldn't want to be the person dating me. I can't be selfish.

If you're happy, invite me to your wedding. I'll support you 100%. If you're unhappy with your current relationship, I'll help you through it and figure out a way out. I won't use my own personal experience as I now feel that what I did was a completely scumbag alternative, and I could have been way smarter. The result of me being an enormous dick through my break up caused me to lose connections to friends and evidently led to my own loneliness.

permalink · 12-08-2016, 04:48 PM

Here is some insight on women...

(Note: I am NOT referring to the screeching, foaming at the mouth SJWs... stay away from man-haters; they are not fit for relationships and will only serve to whittle away yor confidence even more.)

Ki, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to relationships (you are already aware of this, I know), and unless you get out of your comfort zone and shift your current attitude towards yourself (and relationships in general), then your love life will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Women are pretty basic. The first mistake you can make is taking seriously anything they SAY that they want out of a relationship... Women are constantly bull****ting about how they want a nice, sensitive guy who will respect their space and independence, blah blah blah... It's ****ing bull****.

Women want a guy who will chase them (it makes them feel desireable). Women want a guy willing to take a chance, risk rejection, and possibly humiliate himself in an effort to pursue them (why should they take a risk on a guy who doesn't even consider them worth the risk?). It doesn't matter whether you are confident or insecure, the fact that you're actually making an effort is all that counts. Dont wait for them to come to you. You go to them. Be direct. Dont be wishy washy. Be decisive. Women, above all else, seek security; indecisiveness and cowardice is the furthest thing from security. Don't just offer them a shoulder to cry on and expect that everything will fall into place... Nothing will get you in the friend zone faster.

You have to be willing to face rejection. Over and over again. Even the most desirable alpha males get rejected (more often than you might think). But they go for it anyway, pick themselves up, and don't waste time wondering in abstract terms whether they are good enough.

Lastly, command respect. Women can't respect a guy who doesn't respect himself, a guy who kisses her ass, is afraid to disagree with her, and afraid to stand up for himself when she's acting like a ****. Any girl who can't handle the dynamic I just described, is looking for a doormat, not a boyfriend. Good riddance I say.

Sorry, Ki. Tough love. I hope you take it as a challenge and not a reason to beat yourself up even further. You know I'm right, the question is whether your fear of rejection and heartache will control where you go (or stay) from here.

Mondo Bungle · 12-08-2016, 04:05 PM

I'll bring stuff back if you really think so. It's also a matter of how tedious it is to type long things

The Batlord · 12-08-2016, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle

I'll bring stuff back if you really think so. It's also a matter of how tedious it is to type long things

**** you, we wanna know what happened and how you got back to... wherever the hell it is you are now.

Mondo Bungle · 12-08-2016, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

**** you

well never mind then

Trollheart · 12-08-2016, 05:55 PM

Chelsea's right, you know. Otherwise why would I still be single??

Oh yeah, right: I forgot. The ugliness. The lack of funds. The sense of humour nobody seems to appreciate or understand. The lack of muscles. The balding head. The glasses. The being unable to take anyone anywhere due to having decided to look after my sister until one of us dies. Did I mention the ugliness?

Yeah but apart from all that ... it's a genuine mystery, dude.
Oh of course yeah, I forgot: the small dick.

Zhanteimi · 12-08-2016, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

The being unable to take anyone anywhere due to having decided to look after my sister until one of us dies.

You sound like the woman in Love Actually who has to take care of her brother.

The Batlord · 12-08-2016, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Yeah but apart from all that ... it's a genuine mystery, dude.
Oh of course yeah, I forgot: the small dick.

Ah the curse 'o the Irish. I know nothing about it...

Key · 12-08-2016, 04:48 PM

Feel free to make your own journal otherwise don't talk about it here.

12-08-2016, 04:48 PM	#3 (permalink)
ChelseaDagger Guest Posts: n/a	Here is some insight on women... (Note: I am NOT referring to the screeching, foaming at the mouth SJWs... stay away from man-haters; they are not fit for relationships and will only serve to whittle away yor confidence even more.) Ki, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to relationships (you are already aware of this, I know), and unless you get out of your comfort zone and shift your current attitude towards yourself (and relationships in general), then your love life will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women are pretty basic. The first mistake you can make is taking seriously anything they SAY that they want out of a relationship... Women are constantly bull**ting about how they want a nice, sensitive guy who will respect their space and independence, blah blah blah... It's ing bull. Women want a guy who will chase them (it makes them feel desireable). Women want a guy willing to take a chance, risk rejection, and possibly humiliate himself in an effort to pursue them (why should they take a risk on a guy who doesn't even consider them worth the risk?). It doesn't matter whether you are confident or insecure, the fact that you're actually making an effort is all that counts. Dont wait for them to come to you. You go to them. Be direct. Dont be wishy washy. Be decisive. Women, above all else, seek security; indecisiveness and cowardice is the furthest thing from security. Don't just offer them a shoulder to cry on and expect that everything will fall into place... Nothing will get you in the friend zone faster. You have to be willing to face rejection. Over and over again. Even the most desirable alpha males get rejected (more often than you might think). But they go for it anyway, pick themselves up, and don't waste time wondering in abstract terms whether they are good enough. Lastly, command respect. Women can't respect a guy who doesn't respect himself, a guy who kisses her ass, is afraid to disagree with her, and afraid to stand up for himself when she's acting like a *. Any girl who can't handle the dynamic I just described, is looking for a doormat, not a boyfriend. Good riddance I say. Sorry, Ki. Tough love. I hope you take it as a challenge and not a reason to beat yourself up even further. You know I'm right, the question is whether your fear of rejection and heartache will control where you go (or stay) from here. Last edited by ChelseaDagger; 12-08-2016 at 05:00 PM.*

12-08-2016, 05:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	Chelsea's right, you know. Otherwise why would I still be single?? Oh yeah, right: I forgot. The ugliness. The lack of funds. The sense of humour nobody seems to appreciate or understand. The lack of muscles. The balding head. The glasses. The being unable to take anyone anywhere due to having decided to look after my sister until one of us dies. Did I mention the ugliness? Yeah but apart from all that ... it's a genuine mystery, dude. Oh of course yeah, I forgot: the small dick. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

12-08-2016, 03:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Me vs Relationships It may sound weird, but I have a love/hate relationship with...well...relationships. I know I'm not entirely experienced and I really don't have much to say given my failure of the 3.5 year relationship that ended in absolute chaos. I absolutely love to hear about people finding their loved ones and getting married and starting a family. That is what life is about isn't it? Well, my hate for the whole ordeal comes from my own insecurity and the fact that I'm a firm believer of there not being someone out there for everybody. I know somehow religiously or otherwise, people seem to think that we were all put onto this earth to find our other half. And y'know, I've had my close encounters with several people that I truly believed were my other half, but as you probably read from my last entry, I'm not very good at going anywhere past a crush. What I mean by that is that I've never really learned how to ask anyone out, or how to tell if the feelings our mutual between myself and someone else. This results in me giving up on the idea altogether and watching as my previous crushes enjoy their new relationships. That's fine and all and I'm always going to be happy for them for finding happiness of their own, but back in my mind I always wonder what life would be like had I grown the balls to be the guy they're with. I've been told I'm someone people can trust and I'm someone most people would love to be with. But my own insecurities and unwillingness to allow someone else to live in the emotional distress I live with takes over. I am absolutely 100% to blame for not allowing myself to give into a relationship, and I know I need to fix that, otherwise I'll be 40 years old living in a 1 bedroom apartment with my cat. And y'know, that wouldn't sound so bad if I wasn't constantly surrounding by people that are happy and in a relationship. Again, I want to stress that I have no distaste for people finding happiness and growing a family, but I really just can't see myself in that life. And I know why that is. Am I really looking to fix it? Not really. I mean, I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship. I know what it takes to keep a relationship strong, and I really don't want to put that much attention into it when I personally wouldn't want to be the person dating me. I can't be selfish. If you're happy, invite me to your wedding. I'll support you 100%. If you're unhappy with your current relationship, I'll help you through it and figure out a way out. I won't use my own personal experience as I now feel that what I did was a completely scumbag alternative, and I could have been way smarter. The result of me being an enormous dick through my break up caused me to lose connections to friends and evidently led to my own loneliness.

12-08-2016, 04:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Feel free to make your own journal otherwise don't talk about it here.