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Old 04-09-2020, 01:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
Exo
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Default Johnny Mags Historical Texts for the Ages

So a few years ago, while employed at Barnes and Noble, I worked with a man named John. He was saddled with the nickname "Mags" due to his previous title as Newstand Lead. Basically, he was in charge of organizing and distributing newstand related items. He will now only be referred to as Mags.

Ever since I quit I've been receiving text messages updating me on the store and its goings on. I'm not the only one receiving these text messages. Former co-workers Mags has deemed worthy have also been getting the same ones. They are what fever dreams are made of. They are the product of a lonely psychotic Italian man from Paramus, NJ, who is still a good friend and can occasionally be absolutely hilarious but still scares the absolute sh*t out of me.

Mags is now the head of the cashwrap or head of the cashiers. His whole life revolves around what happens up near the cash registers so keep that in mind.

I get these text message without asking and usually with minimal reply. Sometimes I don't reply ever. Sometimes I send a "lol", sometimes I indulge the lunacy.

I have been wanting to document these messages somewhere, maybe in a book one day, but I'll start here instead. There will be characters who I will introduce and add to the OP as needed but I'll start with his most recent text message following this post as it's a doozy and one that set this whole journal in motion.

Ladies and gentlemen...I present...Johnny Mags.

LIST OF CHARACTERS - It should be noted that Mags LOVES nicknames...

Herr Detweiler - Replaced Mags as Newstand Lead. Is very eccentric. Admires nature and animals. World traveler and meets up with Mags once a week to have coffee on "Detweilers bench".

Silvio - Elderly customer from Ramsey, NJ who may be a closeted homosexual who talks with a legit trans-atlantic accent mixed with somebody who wants you to know how smart they are. He's not smart. He has blotched skin and a balding head. He is ALWAYS stuttering and mammering about some sort of crisis. ALWAYS asking you to look up some scholarly book he knows the store doesn't have.

Randy aka Corporal Sigh - Mags hates Randy. For good reason too. Randy is a stay at home with mother employee at B&N and might be the laziest employee they have. Constantly sighing and being miserable. Loves jazz and bourbon and cooking for mother. Gets flustered easily and usually disappears for hours when there is work to be done.
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Old 04-09-2020, 01:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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April 9th, 2020

Went for a walk this morning, I took my umbrella, but it didn't rain or drizzle, so I was stuck with that thing for the whole walk. Okay whatever.

Walk 2, I decided not to bring it.
At about the halfway point it started to rain. Not a downpour but a steady rain. When I got to the mid point, I put my Walkman in my pocket, and I decided to jog!!

Determined! Steel willed. In honor of everyone fighting against this deadly disease. Rain, puddles...

When I got to my road I was doing a chant (as you sometimes do when you jog. It just spontaneously happens. Too keep your mind focused).

So I started to chant.

U-S-A
U-S-A
F*** Corona
F*** Corona
U-S-A
U-S-A
F*** Corona
F*** Corona

Then a small pickup slowed down and I looked to my right and an older guy with a white beard put out his hand and gave me a 'thumbs up'.

He got it!

*American flag emoji*
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Old 04-09-2020, 01:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I like this journal already
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I want to open a school for MB's lost boys and teach them basic coping skills and build up their self esteem and strengthen their emotional intelligence and teach them about vegetables and institutionalized racism and sexism and then they'll all build a bronze statue of me in my honor and my bronzed titties will forever be groped by the grubby paws of you ****ing whiny pathetic white boys.
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Old 04-09-2020, 01:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Reminds me of Flyingpig.
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There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-09-2020, 01:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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New character! See OP.

January 5th, 2018

Mags - "It's so cold Herr Detweiler may bring his peacocks inside for the night."

Exo - "Mags, I have no idea how to take what you just said."

Mags - "He really has peacocks in the backyard but they have heated lamps."

Exo - "Never knew."
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Old 04-09-2020, 02:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I know what real life is, I've been living in it for well over a decade
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Old 04-09-2020, 02:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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New Character! See OP

Januaary 25th, 2018

"Sylvio now known as the Ramsey Dalmation"
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Old 04-09-2020, 03:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
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wut
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-09-2020, 04:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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wut
Read the f*cking character bio.
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Old 04-09-2020, 04:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Didn't realize this was a mystery game.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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