Is this a good story? One of the Protagonists has a guilty conscience over money.

[Karice]

This is a snippet of a story I wrote where one of the Protagonists, Andy, who is a Celebrity along with his five friends, James, Jimmy, Alex, Billy, and Mike, tried to sell out his Fugitive Friend, Alex for $5,000/$1,000 for them each when when Alex was on the run for punching a Paparazzi person in his face who was harassing him with a camera and Alex broke the camera. Billy let Alex hide in his house and Andy, Mike, Jimmy, and James agreed to keep Alex at Billy's house as a fugitive. As Alex slept, Andy suggested they sell out Alex for $5,000 as Alex's bounty for turning him in was $5,000.

Andy suggested they sell him out for $1,000 a person. James, Jimmy, Billy, and Mike were shocked and disgusted and refused to sell out Alex. Billy even Zelled Andy $5,000 to not sell out Alex. Andy agreed to not sell out Alex.

Andy later won roughly $700 million after taxes in the Powerball and abandoned his friends because he didn't want to share any of the $700 million after taxes. He then returned to the hotel room that his friends shared and stole $1.6 billion from Jimmy, Mike, Billy, and James but didn't steal any money from Alex since Alex was only worth about 10 million and then abandoned his friends again. He went back to his hotel room that Alex, Billy, James, Mike, and Billy didn't know about and fell asleep.


"Andy got up from his nap and got a massage at the spa. The massage was good, but his conscience told him softly,"This massage would be better with Alex, Jimmy, James, Billy and Mike here." Andy tried to ignore his conscience. Andy paid for the massage and left. He went back to the Luxurious Penthouse Suite and saw on Social Media, Alex, Jimmy, Billy, Mike, James, and still protected him when they refused to tell the Fans he was the winner of the 1.5 Billion when they could have easily told the Fans he won the 1.5 billion before taxes.



Andy went to a Hotel Restaurant and ate a steak meal and paid and left.



Andy went to to the movies. At the movies, his conscience told him softly,"You, Alex, Jimmy, James, Billy, and Mike had so much fun at the movies together, remember?" Andy felt guilty knots forming in his stomach. He said aloud,"Leave me alone!"



After the movies, he went back to the Luxurious Penthouse Suite and watched TV and fell asleep. He had a nightmare that a rope made of money wrapped itself around Andy's neck, suffocating him, as he struggled to breathe in a panic and the money rope than hung him in a tree and he died in the nightmare.



Andy got up in a cold sweat, relieved that it was just a nightmare. Andy's conscience was torturing him in his nightmare since he was fighting it in his waking life.



Andy watched more TV and felt REALLY bad about stealing the 1.6 from Jimmy, James, Billy and Mike. He knew he crossed a big line here, fucing over Jimmy, James, Billy, and Mike for 1.6 Billion. He knew if James, Jimmy, Billy, Mike, and Alex were to press charges on him, he'd be facing around 40 years behind bars for Grand Theft and Grand Larceny. Andy was scared. "

Is this a good story? A follower of my story said she felt my story about Andy's personal demons and his guilt over the money problems he caused between his friends felt shockingly good but what do you guys think about my story? Do you guys find it good?

[Drjohnrock]

Some good ideas that could be developed , although Alex hiding from the cops over low level assault and criminal damaging charge is unrealistic. And does “selling him out” mean turning him into the cops for reward money? Reward money is only offered in connection with the arrest and conviction of high level crimes.

[Karice]

Originally Posted by Drjohnrock

Some good ideas that could be developed , although Alex hiding from the cops over low level assault and criminal damaging charge is unrealistic. And does “selling him out” mean turning him into the cops for reward money? Reward money is only offered in connection with the arrest and conviction of high level crimes.

Yep,"Selling him out," means calling the cops on Alex for $1,000 each. On the other Website I mentioned that Andy REALLY didn't think his,"Sell Alex out for $1,000 each," plan through as Alex was a fugitive living in Billy's house and the Cops would question WHY Alex was in Billy's house in the first place. I soon mentioned that I would have claimed that Andy, Billy, Mike, James, and Jimmy would have claimed that Alex broke into Billy's house if Billy, James, Mike, and Jimmy had agreed to Andy's plan to turn in Alex to the Cops for $1,000 each which would make sense.

I also had Billy hid Alex in a closet that was "hidden," . Alex knew that there was a possibility that the Cops could find him if they opened this,"hidden closet," so he climbed into an upper vent and his there. Him climbing into the upper vent was extremely unrealistic and I didn't even write HOW he was able to climb into the upper vent, LMAO! The Cops do find and open the "hidden closet," despite Billy, Mike James jimmy and Andy claiming that Alex wasn't in there. Nobody saw Alex in that "hidden closet," and the cops left.

I soon had Billy tell Alex that there was actually a crawl space in his house that he could hide in if cops came looking for Alex again and Mike, James, Jimmy, and Andy back up this crawl space fact and Alex hid in the crawl space and was hidden from view. When the FBI came looking for Alex Alex hid in the crawl space and the FBI couldn't see Alex. The FBI left and Alex left the crawl space and thanked Billy, Mike, James, Jimmy, and Andy for hiding him from the authorities and he was welcomed. I should have honestly thought about a hidden crawl space in the first place rather than hiding Alex in the "hidden closet," and having him inexplicably climb into an upper vent .