2 new songs (rock, quote)

DontRunMeOver · 11-23-2005, 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks

As much as I like criticism, my words fit into songs. no they aren't the kind you hear on the radio. That is commenly reffered to as trash. And if you had taken the time to read them, you'd notice that I don't talk about being a nobody, or killing someone, or hating someone. I write what I feel. I don't feel like cutting or harming myself. I feel anger sometimes but it is never in a self-destructive manner.

Not all lyrics need to rhyme. And if you have suggestions, I'd be happy to read them in the topics I created. Blasting my "lame prose" in a completely different forum is quite cowardly.

Well I realise that in my original opinions on the lyrics I should have been less polite. Yes, I would describe what you've written as 'lame prose' as I can't see that there's much of a rhythm or catch to it. In fact I would describe it as being similar to something which a student would write for poetry in GCSE English ('This Is Giving In' would get a C and 'And All I Remember Is How the Flames Danced In Your Eyes' would get an A- if I were the teacher...).

As poems they're ok, not brilliant. As lyrics? Well I don't really believe you when you claim that they fit into songs - I'm assuming that this doesn't conflict with the fact that you write 'independently of the music'.

And, um, I don't really understand why you've gone on about (the absence of) killing, hatred, cutting, harming, self-destruction or being nobody. What does that have to do with anything?

riseagainstrocks · 11-23-2005, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver

And, um, I don't really understand why you've gone on about (the absence of) killing, hatred, cutting, harming, self-destruction or being nobody. What does that have to do with anything?

First, thank you for having an honest opinion and telling me.

second, most of these are screamed. I realize that kills the meaning for alot of people, but I like metal, I play in a metal band, and I like having real lyrics. So they fit like I make them fit.

and the part I quoted deals with how almost all the lyrics I see posted here deal with cutting or self-destruction, or in the case where this came up, skaterbabii's song about being a nobody.

madeinNY · 11-23-2005, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks

Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.

Very good songs....^^Is that line from Little Nicky?

riseagainstrocks · 11-23-2005, 04:45 PM

Paradise Lost.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 11-24-2005, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks

This Is Giving In
The weight that we carry on our shoulders can be lifted if we just give in.

I’m so far from home, and now I know, that the choices I make, are truly my own

I’ll say the final prayer but it’s already too late
Death rides a pale horse, and of course, Oblivion rides in his wake

What we sought is not what we originally thought

Cleave your way through mere mortal’s in order to obtain the prize, your life, in exchange for a place in memory.

Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.

And All I Remember Is How the Flames Danced In Your Eyes

All I remember is how the flames danced in your eyes. You always claimed you were handy with a lighter. What is amazing is that the rotted wood actually caught.

Now I’m on the wrong side of the continental divide.
I’d hide my disgust but to bide time might be careless at this point.

I desire only to see you consumed by the very fire you caused. The very flame you grew and knew would consume you.

This is not revenge. All I did was hand you the match. And maybe some gasoline. And maybe some soaked rags.

For this one I think you need to use some more variety of words, e.g. "burn".

Apart from that they're cool, I would be interested to hear them screamed, as the sentences are quite long.

DontRunMeOver · 11-24-2005, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks

second, most of these are screamed. I realize that kills the meaning for alot of people, but I like metal, I play in a metal band, and I like having real lyrics. So they fit like I make them fit.

"All I remember is how the flames danced in your eyes. You always claimed you were handy with a lighter. What is amazing is that the rotted wood actually caught."

I'm assuming that you're not going to scream this particular phrase, as that would sound ridiculous. It might be labouring the point here, but what I mean is that a lot of the lyrics are ones which look good on paper, yet its difficult to see how they would translate into a song, even if screamed. That, to me, makes reading it as a lyric in a songwriting thread unsatisfying. The first few times I read it I saw it as a 'poem' and thought it was good, then I looked on it as a 'lyric' and was suddenly disappointed.

This probably constitutes repeating myself quite a lot, so I'll stop now.

riseagainstrocks · 11-24-2005, 07:48 AM

No, it's cool.

Some of the lines are spoken and others are screamed. The thing with the style of music I play is that it is really fast and chaotic. Very, very free form. It might take me 30 seconds to say one line while the next gets screamed in under 5. It all depends.

madeinNY · 11-24-2005, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madeinNY

Very good songs....^^Is that line from Little Nicky?

*draws attention to my post that no one answered....*

riseagainstrocks · 11-24-2005, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks

Paradise Lost.

draws attention to the answer that was given

madeinNY · 11-24-2005, 09:03 AM

Oh! I didn't realise that was the answer...sorry. They said that in Little Nicky.

11-23-2005, 04:45 PM	#14 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	Paradise Lost. __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

11-24-2005, 07:48 AM	#17 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	No, it's cool. Some of the lines are spoken and others are screamed. The thing with the style of music I play is that it is really fast and chaotic. Very, very free form. It might take me 30 seconds to say one line while the next gets screamed in under 5. It all depends. __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

11-24-2005, 09:03 AM	#20 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Oh! I didn't realise that was the answer...sorry. They said that in Little Nicky. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol