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Old 11-14-2005, 09:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
Whitewater!
 
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Default My wee mock-up

Magic Green

In the middle of a sphere,
The corners cave in,
Sear the truth as nought
When there is nothing coming from within.

Suicidal Plant
Grind it up and choke it down
It only comes back up
After your soul falls over

Fight your addiction
It's the only thing left to do
And all other battles subside
For even they can't compete with the addiction in you.

Suicidal Plant
Grind it up and choke it down
It only comes back up
After your soul falls over

It will all crumble beneath
The moment you rise above
Seeking help from the outside
Holds no rewards until it comes from the inside.

Suicidal Plant

Don't let it drag you under.
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Old 11-14-2005, 10:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Nice!
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Old 11-15-2005, 03:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks, yeah thats the first song I've ever written. The forums were dead so I made a song.
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Old 11-15-2005, 03:25 PM   #4 (permalink)
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not too shabby, the first two lines though..theres no corners in a sphere, im sure theres a better way to word that.
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Old 11-15-2005, 03:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I know that, It was based around hallucinations....seeing things...

I guess it does seem a little cheesy.
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Old 11-29-2005, 06:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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the whole 'i know that' thing is annoying. If that guy didn't get it, then chances are no one else will. but otherwise, cool song. i do like the chorus.
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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kool, i thought that that was good. *thumbs up!!!*
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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This one's a lot better than the other one you posted Merkaba! Good, interesting and original phrases.

The 'corners of a sphere' bit I quite liked actually, as I imagined the surface of a sphere collapsing in and making a kind of expanding-origami-star shape.
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Old 11-29-2005, 10:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Tambo, the lyrics are there to think about. It may seem a strange concept but some people do like reading between the lines. Thanks for your words though, every angle of opinion is welcome.

Thanks DRMO, haha is it like the 3D sceensaver on Windows? Where the box becomes spikes which becomes a ball which becomes a square etc? Thank you anyway. It's strange that the first one is better then the second

Oh well, I've always been rather inconsistant in my efforts.
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Old 11-29-2005, 11:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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That wasn't half bad
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