putting off doing work, so I wrote something (bling, songs)

jibber · 01-18-2006, 05:31 PM

yeah so I was bored so I wrote a song. Just a quick one, but I kind of like where it's going. I have some reservations about it, but I'll let you guys tell me what you think first.

This bed of nails I’ve
Grown accustomed to
Lately can’t render
The quiet it once did.
Conscious still, I
feel a pang of sensitivity,
A rude awakening from
The blissful dullness of dormancy.

These nails after so long,
Begin to lose their brilliance,
A fading bitterness so
Obvious and caustic.
A meddling intrusion into
my unchanging apathy.

And I recalibrate,
Trying desperately to regain
Some sense of the insensibility,
Even a momentary lapse
Into a torpor resembling that which
Once could be
a mendacity of peace.

sleepy jack · 01-18-2006, 05:33 PM

Woh, first off its really good. I like the wide range of vocabulary thats always good. You might wanna toy around and make it flow a bit better but its good.

Laces Out Dan! · 01-18-2006, 05:46 PM

I like it....one thing that i've never realized is why i never see just any simple songs on this website....simple songs are good sometimes too

jibber · 01-18-2006, 06:20 PM

^meh, i just have more fun with songs that aren't so direct, they tend to bore me.

Laces Out Dan! · 01-18-2006, 07:37 PM

Fair enough and i give you kudos for not just going the easy route....but see you have the skill to make a song like this....some others i cant go as far as to say so

01-18-2006, 05:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	putting off doing work, so I wrote something yeah so I was bored so I wrote a song. Just a quick one, but I kind of like where it's going. I have some reservations about it, but I'll let you guys tell me what you think first. This bed of nails I’ve Grown accustomed to Lately can’t render The quiet it once did. Conscious still, I feel a pang of sensitivity, A rude awakening from The blissful dullness of dormancy. These nails after so long, Begin to lose their brilliance, A fading bitterness so Obvious and caustic. A meddling intrusion into my unchanging apathy. And I recalibrate, Trying desperately to regain Some sense of the insensibility, Even a momentary lapse Into a torpor resembling that which Once could be a mendacity of peace. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-18-2006, 05:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Laces Out Dan! I love Puck Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,614	I like it....one thing that i've never realized is why i never see just any simple songs on this website....simple songs are good sometimes too __________________ We are entirely smooth, We admit to the truth, We are the best at what we do.

01-18-2006, 06:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	^meh, i just have more fun with songs that aren't so direct, they tend to bore me. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-18-2006, 07:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
Laces Out Dan! I love Puck Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,614	Fair enough and i give you kudos for not just going the easy route....but see you have the skill to make a song like this....some others i cant go as far as to say so __________________ We are entirely smooth, We admit to the truth, We are the best at what we do.