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Old 01-18-2006, 06:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
Freeskier
 
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Default putting off doing work, so I wrote something

yeah so I was bored so I wrote a song. Just a quick one, but I kind of like where it's going. I have some reservations about it, but I'll let you guys tell me what you think first.

This bed of nails I’ve
Grown accustomed to
Lately can’t render
The quiet it once did.
Conscious still, I
feel a pang of sensitivity,
A rude awakening from
The blissful dullness of dormancy.

These nails after so long,
Begin to lose their brilliance,
A fading bitterness so
Obvious and caustic.
A meddling intrusion into
my unchanging apathy.

And I recalibrate,
Trying desperately to regain
Some sense of the insensibility,
Even a momentary lapse
Into a torpor resembling that which
Once could be
a mendacity of peace.
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Old 01-18-2006, 06:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Woh, first off its really good. I like the wide range of vocabulary thats always good. You might wanna toy around and make it flow a bit better but its good.
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Old 01-18-2006, 06:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I like it....one thing that i've never realized is why i never see just any simple songs on this website....simple songs are good sometimes too
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Old 01-18-2006, 07:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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^meh, i just have more fun with songs that aren't so direct, they tend to bore me.
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Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

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Old 01-18-2006, 08:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Fair enough and i give you kudos for not just going the easy route....but see you have the skill to make a song like this....some others i cant go as far as to say so
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