yeah another one (lyrics, guitar, cheap)

jibber · 01-18-2006, 12:50 AM

can't decide if it flows enough between the verses, the ideas connect in my head, but I just want to know if it works for other people too. and as always, point out anything that comes to mind that could be improved on.

lost in transition,
so is this a temporary
settling for second-best or
a step on to another path.
Does this interlude announce
A new picture or simply
A cheap reflection of
What used to be.

This no-mans-land has
Its own advantages,
Non-committal and lucid,
Perfect for a mind
Saturated with too many
Variables and intricacies

But trapped between two
Definite and opposite realities
Presents still more ways
To be tripped and tangled,
Paralyzed with indecision.

So now I find these muscles,
Soft and limp from atrophy can’t
Take a stance on one path or another.
What harm can more waiting do anyway.

Crowe · 01-18-2006, 12:58 AM

un-use is not a word.

soft and limp from atrophy -- would be good.

i like how it flows in my head. these lyrics would really rely on the music to carry it.

jibber · 01-18-2006, 01:05 AM

^haha, i was trying to think if that was a word or not, then i just got lazy and used it anyways, and i really like atrophy, good addition. still not sure about how it flows between the verses though, maybe i'll have to screw around on the guitar and get a more concrete melody going, that might help.

01-18-2006, 12:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	yeah another one can't decide if it flows enough between the verses, the ideas connect in my head, but I just want to know if it works for other people too. and as always, point out anything that comes to mind that could be improved on. lost in transition, so is this a temporary settling for second-best or a step on to another path. Does this interlude announce A new picture or simply A cheap reflection of What used to be. This no-mans-land has Its own advantages, Non-committal and lucid, Perfect for a mind Saturated with too many Variables and intricacies But trapped between two Definite and opposite realities Presents still more ways To be tripped and tangled, Paralyzed with indecision. So now I find these muscles, Soft and limp from atrophy can’t Take a stance on one path or another. What harm can more waiting do anyway. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-18-2006, 12:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	un-use is not a word. soft and limp from atrophy -- would be good. i like how it flows in my head. these lyrics would really rely on the music to carry it. __________________

01-18-2006, 01:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	^haha, i was trying to think if that was a word or not, then i just got lazy and used it anyways, and i really like atrophy, good addition. still not sure about how it flows between the verses though, maybe i'll have to screw around on the guitar and get a more concrete melody going, that might help. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER