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Old 02-27-2006, 03:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
Here's lookin at you, kid
 
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Default Oceans Pour From Emeralds In Central Park

A grain of rice in central park
A white crayong that's to the stub and not ever written

Simply heartbreaking when she puts her cloths back on.
You can never see a white crayon, either.
Oceans pour from emeralds in central park

But you're just jealous 'cuz these emeralds...
Well, they're greater than you
Better than you.
Oceans are dry now.
And oceans are dry now.
Emerals still shine.
Ever long.

-------------

It's rather short....meh.
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Old 02-27-2006, 04:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Whats it about?

None of it makes any sense to me unless your talking about a pure white woman who is somewhat holy but even then, it's very, very vague...
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Old 02-27-2006, 04:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah I agree the whole thing seems like its about nothing in specific and you're just putting words together and using tricky lines to make it seem like something deep. When in truth its gibberish.
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Old 02-27-2006, 04:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I prefer your linear, unimaginative writing to this dribble.
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Old 02-28-2006, 08:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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she's pretty and she feels bad no one ever tells her, but then she realises she just needs to be pretty for herself to be truly happy.

Oh, and her eyes are hazel//emerald.
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Old 02-28-2006, 09:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
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You people all need help. And by help I of course mean songwriting.
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Old 02-28-2006, 12:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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What then does Central park have to do with anything?
Why are her eyes better then everyone?
What does putting her clothes back on mean?
How do we gather that no one thinks shes pretty?
When does she realise she needs no one to tell her?
Since when does balling your eyes out, using metaphorical jargon, suggest shes happy?

It's like icing without the cake.
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Old 02-28-2006, 12:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
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What then does Central park have to do with anything?-she's something small [rice] in somewhere gigantic [central park]
Why are her eyes better then everyone?- they can see more
What does putting her clothes back on mean?- she's gorgeous
How do we gather that no one thinks shes pretty?- you can never see a white crayon, either
When does she realise she needs no one to tell her?-when her eyes shine back at her..."these emeralds, shine bright"
Since when does balling your eyes out, using metaphorical jargon, suggest shes happy?- at the end, she doesn't
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Old 02-28-2006, 12:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Well like they alway say...

if you have to explain it...
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Start by dropping more hints.

[She's like] a grain of rice in central park [barely seen]
[She's worn down like]
A white crayon that's to the stub and not ever written [with]

But you're on your own with lines like "Simply heartbreaking when she puts her cloths back on." Maybe she was bathing with geese. And: "You can never see a white crayon, either." You mean you can't just look at it?

Oceans pour from [her] emerald [eyes] in central park

"Better than you." Okay, how?

"Oceans are dry now." If this means she's stopped crying then say no more.

The rest is mediocre at best.
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