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Old 03-09-2006, 10:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
Crazy Luv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default Whats right

Never understood
Always questioned how
Were they so different from us whites
Yeah they black skin
But last time I checked
That wasnt a sin

They refer to me as Jane
Im mature for a teen
Grew up among the racist
Bill, Drak, Mary, Jean

Remember times closing my eyes
And trying to block out
The screaming caused by that damn whip
So much blood, tears, and hate
Practically suffocated in it

Hated being forced to watch an example
Was this suppose to be entertainment
But this time I couldnt help myself
Cried out "Someone help him"
He was just eight

Got dragged away and slapped about
But all I could think about
Was those sorrowful eyes
They just wouldnt cast out
From my troubled memory

They all are just treated as property
Freely brought and sold
Is this the freedom we all perch about
Can anybody see what I see
How can you turn a deaf ear to this

Thats why Im a disgrace to my race
Because I help the blacks escape under the gate
I tell them not to question why I help them
It really hurts me when they die
If authority ever catches me at my doings
I'll still continue to walk with my head held high
Knowing what I did was right


Needs work, but i see it going somewhere. What you think?
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Old 03-10-2006, 01:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
Default

I like the last 7 lines. But I don't know, I seemed to lose my way a bit, like when I'd finished I still had no real picture of what you're saying, perhaps because theres little flow maybe.
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Old 03-10-2006, 10:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default

How about now? still needs work, but i think its improving. My favorite part is the last 7 lines too.
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