Whats right (member, memory, Whip)

Crazy Luv · 03-09-2006, 09:36 PM

Never understood
Always questioned how
Were they so different from us whites
Yeah they black skin
But last time I checked
That wasnt a sin

They refer to me as Jane
Im mature for a teen
Grew up among the racist
Bill, Drak, Mary, Jean

Remember times closing my eyes
And trying to block out
The screaming caused by that damn whip
So much blood, tears, and hate
Practically suffocated in it

Hated being forced to watch an example
Was this suppose to be entertainment
But this time I couldnt help myself
Cried out "Someone help him"
He was just eight

Got dragged away and slapped about
But all I could think about
Was those sorrowful eyes
They just wouldnt cast out
From my troubled memory

They all are just treated as property
Freely brought and sold
Is this the freedom we all perch about
Can anybody see what I see
How can you turn a deaf ear to this

Thats why Im a disgrace to my race
Because I help the blacks escape under the gate
I tell them not to question why I help them
It really hurts me when they die
If authority ever catches me at my doings
I'll still continue to walk with my head held high
Knowing what I did was right

Needs work, but i see it going somewhere. What you think?

Merkaba · 03-10-2006, 12:52 AM

I like the last 7 lines. But I don't know, I seemed to lose my way a bit, like when I'd finished I still had no real picture of what you're saying, perhaps because theres little flow maybe.

Crazy Luv · 03-10-2006, 09:10 PM

How about now? still needs work, but i think its improving. My favorite part is the last 7 lines too.

03-09-2006, 09:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	Whats right Never understood Always questioned how Were they so different from us whites Yeah they black skin But last time I checked That wasnt a sin They refer to me as Jane Im mature for a teen Grew up among the racist Bill, Drak, Mary, Jean Remember times closing my eyes And trying to block out The screaming caused by that damn whip So much blood, tears, and hate Practically suffocated in it Hated being forced to watch an example Was this suppose to be entertainment But this time I couldnt help myself Cried out "Someone help him" He was just eight Got dragged away and slapped about But all I could think about Was those sorrowful eyes They just wouldnt cast out From my troubled memory They all are just treated as property Freely brought and sold Is this the freedom we all perch about Can anybody see what I see How can you turn a deaf ear to this Thats why Im a disgrace to my race Because I help the blacks escape under the gate I tell them not to question why I help them It really hurts me when they die If authority ever catches me at my doings I'll still continue to walk with my head held high Knowing what I did was right Needs work, but i see it going somewhere. What you think?

03-10-2006, 12:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,885	I like the last 7 lines. But I don't know, I seemed to lose my way a bit, like when I'd finished I still had no real picture of what you're saying, perhaps because theres little flow maybe. __________________ She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

03-10-2006, 09:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	How about now? still needs work, but i think its improving. My favorite part is the last 7 lines too.