no title...yet
 

Okay, I wrote this, and its in the making, so it's probably not really good, and this is more of an emo song (style, and mabye lyrics: YOU DON'T HAVE TO SING ABOUT DYING TO BE FRICKIN EMO), so just bear with me.






Okay, so there ONE of my songs. Umm, if you want a meaning, basically, its about a guy, (me), who loves this girl with all his heart and always will. Him and the girl finally realize that they love eachother (I guess you could say) so they tell eachother. Their going out, and the guy just loves the girl so frickin much, he can't even describe, and he's not sure if she truly feels the same way. He knows that she loves him, but he wants her to be happy before he is.

So yea, tell me what you think, and absolutely NO stealing of lyrics, not at all.

This song is a 100% Cheese-fest.

How much more lame and cliche could it possibly be?

EDIT: And how many more times are you going to tell us that you are an emo kid?

well what did you want me to say? "**** THE WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT, PEOPLE ARE LAME AND HAVE STUPID EXISTANCE, IF YOU ASK ME I SAY **** ALL YOU TOO, AND IN MY COMPLAINTS, I HATE ALL OF YOU".

I wrote about my feelings, thats all. Thanks for the criticizm though.

So anyone ELSE is welcome to comment this. I know this song isn't that good, and I admit that, because I am NOT posting my best on here, thats for sure.

But Comments, criticizm, complaints, ups, and downs are welcome to everyone.

It's good you have balls to post a song that you composed yourself knowing others might criticize it.
It's okay could be better, the drug = love part is a little lame.

yeah and the rhyming makes my stomach hurt. the whole thing is just real lame. RE WRITE

i like the 2nd, 3rd, & 4th stanzas..in the song. i dont see this being lame though.

That's why I posted it guys, to get opinions and criticism, that helps me to frickin get better at writing, if I know where my bad areas are. Keep in mind that this is not my best and I wrote it in like ten minutes off the top of my head.

Doesn't everyone say that 'I just wrote it in like, 10 minutes, I don't expect it to be my best'

If you actually want to help yourself, and your writing...post your best. Don't post this ****, and then us give it critisms. You should post your best work, and look at the critisms of those pieces.

How about you shut the **** up and don't post where your obviously not wanted. I want criticism about the song, not some **** ass chick in here bein a dumb ass and bashin on me. Leave me alone and post somewhere where your ****ing wanted.

I think you're the one who needs to shut his mouth.
If you want to improve your writing, then why would you post a song that you know isn't your best?
Why get one that you already have the ability to improve upon, critisized?
Put up a song that you feel represents your best effort, and then get ways to improve upon that. And you could also stop being a sexist ****. That may help.

I wasn't being sexist, your a confused little person.

I posted one of my mediocre songs so I could see how that turns out. I've posted my best stuff online before and its gotten stolen by other bands that I know. To me it looks like your too stupid to realize that people steal, and if I posted my best, the opportunity might come up for someone who actually likes it to steal it, your not very smart...

And if your so interested in being a little badass, why don't you ****ing come on AIM so we can have a real discussion you scaredy ass.

:laughing:

Noobs are great, arent they!

If you dont even think that the song is good, then what makes you think that anyone else will?

Because there are some really lame songs out there that are pretty good. They might not even mean something, but they are someones feelings and/or they just rule.

It's not that bad i mean I like how you took the time to think of something like that.

All i'm saying is it's not the best i have seen but it is also pretty good and well thought out so I'm not saying its bad at all.

I think it's good

7/10

I agree, the lyrics are pretty lame oh! But you got guts though!

bungalow, dead eternity....lets keep this clean.

I agree with what anyone says because its not the best but its not the worst none the less

Also maybe you should call it bridge sound because you have that in bold alot so maybe that should be the name of it

Who would want to steal lyrics like this?

no man, not these lyrics. The stealing thing, hes talking about his other lyrics that we will never see, his "better" work.

....Too much Cheeze....too much suck....too Cliche

Quit ripping off Hawthorne Heights, its not healthy.

shes wanted alot more than you are you ass. theres no need for swearing, it just shows how childish and stupid you are and this is reflected in your crappy,lame, cheesy, cliche music. songwriting is something you should give up because you aint ever gonna be good at it if you keep disrespecting people who are trying to give you help. so why don't go off somewhere else, cause your definately not wanted here.

loser

she's right. If you want to get respect give respect. Dont hate on people that say you suck when you asked them to criticize you in the first place.

anyways your best line is:
You are my cocaine
and I need you all the same

your good lines are underlined, your bad ones are bold, others are meh.

I saw you in my head
I was lying in my bed
the picture of your face
brought me to this place

The reasons I love you
there arent just a few
you are what keeps me alive
and thats why I strive
to get more of this drug
a drug that I call love
You are my cocaine
and I need you all the same

bridge sound

Just the thought of you,
It cuts me deep and through,
wishing you were here,
I would hold you close and near,
oh so far away,
I'll see you another day,
but for the time being,
I will remain dreaming

bridge sound

Do I talk to much,
am I just enough
am I what you need
or should I take heed
Am I in the dark,
are you just leaving your mark,
oh I love you so,
I will never let you go

bridge sound

I hope this never ends,
I love you more than just friends
will you always love me,
will you always hold me,
I will always love you,
I will always be true,
you can count on me,
to help you to be free

okay, sorry guys, I did act A LOT out of line. I'm sorry for all of that. Mostly the reason was because bungalow was telling me that I pretty much suck, she was criticizing my ability to write more than the song itself. I apologized to her for all of that so its all in the past. Lets start this one off new, SORRY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Jadix for your comment on that, thats the kind of stuff I need, not criticism on how I should give up songwriting.....EITHER/OR. Thank you H.I.M for your comment, haha, I don't think I'll be naming it bridge sound, that would be pretty lame, hahaha, but thanks anyways. Even though it was sarcastic, Crazy Luv, thanks for that comment I guess.....haha, you guys will see some of my better music in the future, I just got here, so I would like to get a good first impression before I go posting deeper or better stuff.

AGAIN, I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE FOR THE WAY I ACTED, I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT AND I APOLOGIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my first comment wasnt sarcastic though, & you're welcome det, can i call you det?

lol, det?

haha, yea, whats det?

you are Det. i was watching BET, & saw your name Dead Eternity, & took the D, the Et & made Det with it. *lol*, i like it

sorry

No problem man, its all good.