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Old 03-18-2006, 08:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Okay, I wrote this, and its in the making, so it's probably not really good, and this is more of an emo song (style, and mabye lyrics: YOU DON'T HAVE TO SING ABOUT DYING TO BE FRICKIN EMO), so just bear with me.



I saw you in my head
I was lying in my bed
the picture of your face
brought me to this place

During the verse theres like a -dun dun....dun dun- on the guitar, it switches pitch so it sounds better, but thats that. And inbetween all verses, theres sorta like a bridgeish sound, its a weird song, but thats the way it goes...

The reasons I love you
there arent just a few
you are what keeps me alive
and thats why I strive
to get more of this drug
a drug that I call love
You are my cocaine
and I need you all the same

bridge sound

Just the thought of you,
It cuts me deep and through,
wishing you were here,
I would hold you close and near,
oh so far away,
I'll see you another day,
but for the time being,
I will remain dreaming

bridge sound

Do I talk to much,
am I just enough
am I what you need
or should I take heed
Am I in the dark,
are you just leaving your mark,
oh I love you so,
I will never let you go

bridge sound

I hope this never ends,
I love you more than just friends
will you always love me,
will you always hold me,
I will always love you,
I will always be true,
you can count on me,
to help you to be free



Okay, so there ONE of my songs. Umm, if you want a meaning, basically, its about a guy, (me), who loves this girl with all his heart and always will. Him and the girl finally realize that they love eachother (I guess you could say) so they tell eachother. Their going out, and the guy just loves the girl so frickin much, he can't even describe, and he's not sure if she truly feels the same way. He knows that she loves him, but he wants her to be happy before he is.

So yea, tell me what you think, and absolutely NO stealing of lyrics, not at all.
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Old 03-18-2006, 08:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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This song is a 100% Cheese-fest.

How much more lame and cliche could it possibly be?

EDIT: And how many more times are you going to tell us that you are an emo kid?
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Old 03-18-2006, 08:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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well what did you want me to say? "**** THE WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT, PEOPLE ARE LAME AND HAVE STUPID EXISTANCE, IF YOU ASK ME I SAY **** ALL YOU TOO, AND IN MY COMPLAINTS, I HATE ALL OF YOU".

I wrote about my feelings, thats all. Thanks for the criticizm though.
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Old 03-18-2006, 10:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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So anyone ELSE is welcome to comment this. I know this song isn't that good, and I admit that, because I am NOT posting my best on here, thats for sure.

But Comments, criticizm, complaints, ups, and downs are welcome to everyone.
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Old 03-18-2006, 11:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It's good you have balls to post a song that you composed yourself knowing others might criticize it.
It's okay could be better, the drug = love part is a little lame.
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Old 03-18-2006, 04:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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yeah and the rhyming makes my stomach hurt. the whole thing is just real lame. RE WRITE
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Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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Old 03-18-2006, 08:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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i like the 2nd, 3rd, & 4th stanzas..in the song. i dont see this being lame though.
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Old 03-19-2006, 08:07 AM   #8 (permalink)
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That's why I posted it guys, to get opinions and criticism, that helps me to frickin get better at writing, if I know where my bad areas are. Keep in mind that this is not my best and I wrote it in like ten minutes off the top of my head.
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Old 03-19-2006, 10:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Doesn't everyone say that 'I just wrote it in like, 10 minutes, I don't expect it to be my best'

If you actually want to help yourself, and your writing...post your best. Don't post this ****, and then us give it critisms. You should post your best work, and look at the critisms of those pieces.
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Old 03-19-2006, 03:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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How about you shut the **** up and don't post where your obviously not wanted. I want criticism about the song, not some **** ass chick in here bein a dumb ass and bashin on me. Leave me alone and post somewhere where your ****ing wanted.
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