Could you make it?
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Could you make it If nobody could see you Could you make it Would you sit and beg too? Could you make it With nowhere to go Could you make it Without a home A woman came by our place Three kids and no smiling face She had love but empty hands They had bags collecting cans I wonder if at night she cries Cuz her kids wont have nice lives And she still looks in their eyes Before they sleep and she lies CHORUS Saw a man sleep in the park No shoes and his clothes were dark Theres never food on his plate Smokes some crack to pass the day He feels some peace when he's high Though he's dying otherwise Sometimes men give up on life Couldn't make it if he tried CHORUS CHORUS |
hmmm...this really reminds me of like a rolling stone. especially the chorus. please say it has nothing to do with that.
One of them without some pants I wonder if at night she cries - without pants? REMOVE Living life out on the street - is that shi tty as shi t? Sounds ****ty as **** to me there are more things but im tired |
The rhyming feels a little simple and some of them were raped. I dig the concept very much though the conlcusion is a bit cliché.
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Its "sounds sh itty as f uck to me." I wouldn't say it has nothing to do with that, they're both about homeless people. I wasnt thinking of that song at all when I wrote it though. The person without pants was one of the kids, why should I remove that? Quote:
Which rhymes got "raped"? |
The only one that really bothers me is
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I dont care what no one says, i like this one. the thing i think you have to fix is the very end though, the...
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but besides that, i like it. i had a beat & everything for it. |
Ok I messed with the first two verses a little bit (edited main post). Now I just need some sort of conclusion. Should I end it with another account of another person and leave the listener feeling really low? A positive message would be nice, but I dont want it cliche. Any suggestions?
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Its kind of rap, but has more of the tone of Sublime's Garden Grove.
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