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Old 04-04-2006, 06:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Default zombie
Right now, I’m just a walking zombie/
Waiting for someone to find me/
Looking for somewhere to hide/
While she or he takes how much ever time/
Mother why must you scream at me/
Can’t you see I’m losing my sanity/
You don’t notice the emptiness overwhelming me/
Now I truly know how it feels to die/
So I sit down on the bathroom floor/
I’m holding the needle to my left arm/
Needle filled with air to kill/
I just can’t bring myself to end it like this/
But I still want you to suffer from guiltiness/



...still working on it(meaning this is just the starting). but what do you think so far?
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Old 04-05-2006, 02:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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its alright needs more work and abit more meaning though!
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Old 04-05-2006, 03:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah i know, thank you for the comment
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Old 04-05-2006, 08:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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the start is alright but remove the bit about the razor. make it less obvious.
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Old 04-05-2006, 08:12 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with that, by all means use some kind of suicide related sentiment, but cutting with a razor is very over-used. Come up with a different method of killing yourself!
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Originally Posted by Katyppfan View Post
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 04-05-2006, 08:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
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adders. like cleopatra.
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Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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Old 04-05-2006, 12:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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hemlock like socrates! although he was forced to drink that... nevertheless... no one sings about hemlock.
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Old 04-05-2006, 12:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
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^huh?

anyways, i changed it a bit...is that less ordinary?
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