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Old 05-24-2006, 02:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default One of my favourites so far...

She scrages her knees along the laminated flooring
As she picks up her heart that he's carelessly splattered
Devotion without reason she's begging for some pleasing
Darling it's lights out put down your pint glass and leave.

CHORUS
We don't want no we don't want no trouble
I see her pretty face looking at me from the rubble
We don't want no we don't want no trouble
Falling in his arms with a look of pure exhaustion
When he told her he'd had enough she should have took it as a caution
And now she's looking pretty stupid
Raising her fingers up to cupid

Skirt in rags where did your dignity go?
Halfway down the drain my dear, and it's travelling so slow
That fire in your belly is melting his brain
Give him his soul back you're driving him insane.
Scratches on the pavement where you've dragged her across the floor
It's just not worth it just not worth it anymore.



Oooo I like this one. A lot. Comments please.
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 29
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HEY I LIKE THIS TOO!

But I took liberties!

does this still work?
GT
********************
1.)
She scrapes her knees on the hardwood floor
As she picks up her heart that I’ve carelessly tore
Loved me, without reason,
She had begged for some pleasing
But it was lights out when I drained my glass
And closed the door.

CHORUS
I don't want-- no I don't want-- no trouble
I see her face- looking at me-- from the rubble
I don't want-- no I don't want-- no trouble
Falling into my arms with pure exhaustion
When I'd had enough-- she didn’t proceed --with caution
And now she's looking pretty stupid
Raising her finger-- up to cupid

2.)
Dressed in rags where’s her dignity
Half down the drain picking up speed
The fire in her belly is melting my brain
Give me back my soul I’m going insane
The hardwood scratched by her heels on the floor
It's just not worth it --just not worth it --anymore.

CHORUS
I don't want-- no I don't want-- no trouble
I see her face- looking at me-- from the rubble
I don't want-- no I don't want-- no trouble
Falling into my arms with pure exhaustion
When I'd had enough --she didn’t proceed --with caution
And now she's looking pretty stupid
Raising her finger-- up to cupid
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Old 05-27-2006, 12:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Posts: 1,418
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No. The rhyming scheme is not how I planned it. Can I just ask why you have rewrote this?
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Old 05-27-2006, 01:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Posts: 924
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red- is what i like
blue- is what i don't liek/un sure about
black- is what should stay the same
-----------------------------------------------------------------
She scrages her knees along the laminated flooring
As she picks up her heart that he's carelessly splattered
Devotion without reason she's begging for some pleasing
Darling it's lights out put down your pint glass and leave.

CHORUS
We don't want no we don't want no trouble
I see her pretty face looking at me from the rubble
We don't want no we don't want no trouble
Falling in his arms with a look of pure exhaustion
When he told her he'd had enough she should have took it as a caution
And now she's looking pretty stupid
Raising her fingers up to cupid


Skirt in rags where did your dignity go?
Halfway down the drain my dear, and it's travelling so slow
That fire in your belly is melting his brain
Give him his soul back you're driving him insane.
Scratches on the pavement where you've dragged her across the floor
It's just not worth it just not worth it anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

umm. I like the ending the most.

"Skirt in rags where did your dignity go?
Halfway down the drain my dear, and it's travelling so slow
That fire in your belly is melting his brain
Give him his soul back you're driving him insane.
Scratches on the pavement where you've dragged her across the floor
It's just not worth it just not worth it anymore."

its all very good, but then you read that part and then it seems like everything that came before it just wasn't as great. does that make sense?
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Old 05-27-2006, 01:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Yeah I know what you mean. But the 2 verses are about 2 different situations really-I actually prefer the first verse, but that's just me.
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Posts: 29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
No. The rhyming scheme is not how I planned it. Can I just ask why you have rewrote this?
I am sorry, I totally misunderstood the song. I didn't know they were separate stories and I have to admit that I don't uderstand a lot of today's lyrics.

There are some boards that reem me out if I don't rhyme properly and others that don't care, so I messed up hree--

Just forget I tried. It was an exercise for me. If it worked okay and if it didn't I hoped you wouldn't be angry

GT
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