Moses I own a copy of everyone of his paintings. Anyways What i mean is the clear thick paint you can see put on, the way its brushed... it doesn't seem as if any real hard work had gone into it. There very sloppy child like looking to me.. And children can do better.. I've seen it.. on oprah haha.. a child artist was selling its art work for so much money and the child was only 5 years old or something.. its all a matter of taste, what a person likes a doesn't.

Wow, 50 posts in a song writing thread.
Gotta be a record

You guys really could have went a little easier on him
afterall he is a No0b

I never read songwriting threads personally, and this one is no exception

1. I didn't like the song for the same reasons bungalow posted, not to mention forced rhyming kills songs.

2. A negative opinion holds just as much ground as a postive one.

3. I write lyrics and i'm backing Bungalow on this so according to your logic i'm allowed to slam it.

4. According to the logic above hardly any of us here can judge music seeing as I doubt any of us are better musicians then the bands we bash.

5. Also, no one can judge your work postively unless they can write better then you. Unless of course you have double standards.

Maybe instead of getting upset, zeppelinair you should just take people's advice and try and write better. I mean you did put it in a forum for people to read and judge.

I back Bungalow completely, here. EIMP, don't let your pity for new folks get in the way of your judgement. Jug/Led reacted in a way that was not becoming of someone seeking criticism for their songs.

When Bungalow took the song apart to show you what he wanted to criticize, he was on the money, in my opinion. This is not a good song, lyrically. You might be able to get away with it if there was an amazing music set to go along with it. But lyrically, this song is nothing spectacular. I have seen worse, yes, but this is very, very mediocre.

Zep. You put it on here to be judged, take these comments in stride. I have put songs on here that I loved and got a suggestion on how to fix lines that I really liked - you don't have to agree with everything everyone says, but don't write someone off. I have also improved my songs based on suggests (and in turn made a change that negatively impacted the song) In this case, it is mutually agreed upon that this song is ridiculously cliche - so it's moving from opinion to fact for all intents and purposes of this forum.

Jug, Zep - you are the ones coming off like douches in this case. So just chill out, do what you want with the advice... but remember, this song and the writer were willingly marched in front of the gun here.

well as i said it is still the first draft, i plan on to improve, i was looking for ideas to help improve the over all story to go with it, i am still keeping the name though, its a good title, just need to improve on the lyrics.