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Old 06-09-2006, 05:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Heaven in Haze 2

here my edited copy of it, still not the greatest but i think its better than the first, and feel free to give me tips on the story of it, heres the idea i had behind it, Imagine that you wake up in a world of haze and moon light, next to a road, here it is

Heaven in Haze


There’s a lake by the road,
Sparkles like the glitter of gold,
When you get there you know the road will take you home,
With the blink of an eye, find what you look for,

A road will give you all you know,
All souls find a way cross the road,
Wile you wonder why to go home,
Your spirit cries to leave,

A song of echoes fills the air,
Of the voices of those sill looking,
Those who know can hear the wind,
Across the hazed road,

By the road there’s a brook,
That brooks flows to your home,
On the way you are sure that this is the road home,
Voices guided by those who still loving,

Through the haze the day will dawn,
The forest of the heaven will fall,
To show the end of the winding gold road,
And then you find your home his here in the haze.
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Besides the fact you stole some rhythm things from stairway to heaven. It's boring. You didnt make me give a shit.
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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you think its like stairway, guess thats were i go the idea, i was listening to it at the time.
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Throw it away and write something original.
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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well i probly throw out the title though i like it
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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No, not just the title. Throw it all out and try again. With out a damn radio on.
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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This song is a very obvious rip-off of Stairway to Heaven.
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bungalowbill357
This song is a very obvious rip-off of Stairway to Heaven.
agreed.. and if listening to songs make you write like the song your listening to.. then don't listen to music while your writing. Anyone can copy a song and make it bad/good/better/worse/alright/**** but challege yourself and write from your heart and head.. something worth reading rather then something that when you read even tho the lyrics may be a bit different, people can still humm the stairway to heaven song to it.. Sad! try harder.
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